Quotable Hilarity from the Archives of ASVS.
Xtreme wrote in message
news:STJS2.105450$Mb.39291610@newscontent-02.sprint.ca...
>
> 4.19 petawatts? In one second?
In the 10,000 light year sphere explored so far (less then 5% of the
galaxy) there are already gadzillions of space-time discontinuities
and sub-space fractures. Can you imagine what the rest of the galaxy
looks like? Any Imperial fleet attempting to map or navigate the ST
galaxy will probably just have to give up and say "Thar be monsters!
Don't go there!"
~Kynes
Subject: Re: A look at how the Empire could defeat the Federation
without risking a single imperial life.
Date: Mon, 17 Jul 2000 18:44:02 +0100
From: michael.griffiths@physics.org (Lord Edam de Fromage)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
Two medics rushed into the room pulling the crash cart. "My god what
happened to him?" "umm, take a look at this message from Jonathan
Boyd..it gave him a heart attack"
> > Boyd: This is plain text format, if I'm not mistaken. How do I
> > get italics?
>
> Actually, I just though, you could do italics using HTML posting. But we'd
> have to kill you then. It's one of the few issues Kynes and I will stand
> together on.
>
> You can represent italics in plain text like this:
>
> Normal text is like this, but italics text is like _this_ and bold text is
> like *this*.
Nononono
normal text is like this, but italic text is like /this/ whilst bold text
is like *this* and underlined text is like _this_, so when you get some
stupid fucker who can't quote properly and posts in HTML you show him
you're really pissed off by shouting in bold underlined italicised text
*_/LIKE THIS/_*. Failing that you spend half and hour drawing a three
page ascii art FUCKER that can only be read by turning your screen on its
side and scrolling.
--
Lord Edam de Fromage
AIM:Sorborus
WEB:www.trek-wars.co.uk
They had a system there pretty close to ours - but it had only 7 stars
and one gas giant -- Elim Garak
-------------------------
: >
: > b) Visual from film and episodes.
: >
: >When there is a contradiction between a and b. you take the one that
: >is more favorable for your argument.
:
: So, you take the one that helps you best, even if it's clearly
: contradicted by another source. You can -ignore- everything counter
: to your case.
: Gee, that -really- helps a debate, doesn't it?
It does for reasonable people.
---Paul Jacques
-------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
Date: Wed, 2 Aug 2000 00:12:05 -0700
From: Wayne Poe
Subject: Re: Four Tie Defenders vs a GCS
On Mon, 31 Jul 2000, Lord Edam de Fromage wrote:
<snip>
> In "Generations" the hull of the saucer section survived not only the heat
> of atmospheric entry but also a long slide out across rough ground with only
> a few failures.
That is if you consider maneuvering thruster failure and destruction of said
saucer on such a scale that it was unrecoverable, and had to be scrapped as
"only a few failures".
---Wayne Poe
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
Date: Tue, 29 Aug 2000 00:16:35 -0700
From: Wayne Poe
Subject: Wide Angle Stun
Hey! I just saw a wide-angle stun used on Voyager. The episode is----
GGggGGAAKKK! KYNES! LET GO! I------GAAAKKKKKK!!!!!!!
"Spyda" wrote in message news:39C43B34.A9817F3D@theshop.com...
> Kynes wrote:
> >
> > Why am I never in these?
> >
> > L. Kynes
>
> As far as I've been able to tell, you need to stand out. Try joining the
> flamewar with Weyoun, that should bolster your ratings.
Maybe you didn't closely read who you're talking to.
I "stand out" like a serial killer in a nursing home, pal. My list of accomplishments
reads like a laundry-list of pro-ST nightmares. Have you forgotten who prosecuted
Edam Morris? Who wrote the Final Solution? Who killed Shammie? Who wrote "[OT] God
is a Homo?"
Actually, thinking back, I was in Chuck's originals. Maybe he just understands the
group better. :)
L. Kynes
"Commander Thelea" wrote in message
news:8qeiqs$htg$1@nnrp1.deja.com...
> That would be correct, yes.
>
> Depending on the size of the Black Hole, traveling fast enough, you
> could fly right past the bloody thing.
>
> That's the utterly insane part about that episode of Voyager; If they
> were sucked in past the Event Horizon, all Janeway had to do was
> order "Maximum Warp!" and they'd have been easily out of there.
[On the bridge]
[Tuvok]
'Captain, as we can move FASTER then light, if we just engage the warp drive
and-]
[THUNK]
[Tuvok falls down as Janeway clobers him with a pipe]
'You would have me miss out on a scientifcly impossile plot complication?
Fool, that is what this ship was designed to do. All ahead full, find me
that crack!'.
---Chris O'Farrell
On Fri, 22 Sep 2000 22:47:50 +0100, Jonathan Boyd
wrote:
>Our spies intercepted the following article from IXJac at ephjones@home.com:
>
>> LOL. Really? Wong is guilty of so many exaggerated half truths and out
>> right fallacies its difficult to avoid tripping all over them when visiting
>> his site. I DID have a list of some of them about to post but my computer
>> crashed, so I just said "fuckit" and made this brief statement instead.
>> Maybe I'll eloborate later.
>
>I've heard people say that sooooo many times it's just not funny.
Pity his hard drive crashed, isn't it? Or he could regail us with how
Mike forgot that Starbase 69 could produce FIVE sovreigns in ten years
instead of FOUR! And that a plastic flip up chip CAN serve as a
scope. Wasn't that basically the whole Wong is Wrong campaign in a
nutshell?
----
Aron Kerkhof
http://www.neolith.org
Ryan Spickard wrote in message <8qsdmr$gdt7n$1@ID-42467.news.cis.dfn.de>...
>"Raven Ford" wrote in message
>news:NJhA5.5825$s76.417139@bgtnsc06-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
>>
>> > Here's mine
>> >
>> > Mr.Death and Darkness
>>
>> Well, aren't you a ray of sunshine?
>
>I think he's the most cheery person here :)
>Such a wonderful fellow! I'll bet he even helps old ladies cross the
>street.
Yep right into oncoming traffic
---LT.Hit-Man
"Crayz9000" wrote in message news:8ql1ui$fn1li$1@ID-48511.news.cis.dfn.de...
> I don't really like beer too much. As for big boobs, that's what I call "too
> much of a good thing."
Damn right. Scotch and a C-cup. That's all I ask.
--
LK!
On Sun, 8 Oct 2000 21:08:53 -0400, "LT.Hit-Man"
wrote:
>There can only be one Dark Lord of the Sith!
How about a Dark Minor Functionary of the Sith?
Cyborg Stan, Aimless Wanderer and Part-Time Galatic Hero
> I put about 98% of the material posted here on the Archive, and about
> 75% of the Humor (There is so much of it that I have to be very
> picky).
>
> --
> Rob Dalton
> http://daltonator.net
I suddenly got this strange mental picture:
*phone beeps*
"ASVS Quality Control, Dalton speaking. How may I smash you?"
---Björn Paulsen
That's about the sum of it, and why it gets so incredibly ugly and
boring around here. We've got the Trek equivalent of Welfare mooches
lying around watching soaps and eating bon bons wanting others to do
their research / work for them. And like their couch potato
"why-work-when-we-can-tax-the-successful" brethren, they have now
somehow twisted their world view to where they feel ENTITLED to it.
That their way is the only good and fair and decent way. And that the
people who do the work and pay their own way are evil and dishonest
somehow.
---Aron Kerkhof
In article <8unhc7$ngm$1@slb6.atl.mindspring.net>,
"Paradox" wrote:
> It was his own damn fault, walked right out in front of me when I was
> pulling through a parking lot.
By 'parking lot,' you mean 'sidewalk,' don't you?
---Pablo Sanchez
The World According to C.S.Strowbridge ... June 8th, 2000.
Recent discussions with the being known as "Guardian2000" has led me to
an incredible scientific breakthrough. This breakthrough, like some many
before it, was based on the Conservation of Energy. I call it:
"The Conservation of Stupidity"
You see. In the past two weeks the human (and I use that term loosely)
who referred to himself as Elim Garak has not posted. But in that time
others have taken up the idiocy slack. Case in point, "Guardian2000"
lied about what he said ("These particles just pop out of the vacuum."
"Black holes AREN'T a vacuum, retard." "Nor did I say they were.") even
though the truth was in the message he replied to. Eerily reminiscent of
the Lotto 6/49 debate with Elim.
I think that if I pursue this new theory farther, and use latin terms
like Quid Pro Quo and Ipso Facto I could win the respect and admiration
of the whole scientific community. And then, gosh darn it, maybe Becky
Sue will finally go out with me.
Or perhaps I should just start taking those little yellow pills the
doctors keep giving me.
What do you guys think?
---C.S.Strowbridge
[I think you stole my damn theory! --Ed.]
I have been extremely disturbed by things I have observed in this
group over the last few weeks.
1) Sworn enemies making up
2) People apologizing to each other
3) People being nice to each other
4) People being reasonable
5) People admitting they were wrong
What has overcome you all? You are no longer fit to be in this man's
army. All guilty parties will be sentenced to an obligatory two year
period of servitude in the organization known as Starfleet. For this
period of servitude you will be confined to the punishment vessel
known as Voyager.
Once you have learnt the error of your ways, I might send a shuttle to
go and fetch you.
---Michael January
> > Well, that's just stupid. How could floating in zero gravity be
> > MORE dangerous than landing?
>
> It shows that Voyager is too weak, without SIF, to withstand a 1atm
> overpressure. In other words she'll bust open at the seams unless
> the pressure differential is much lower (damn that is weak)
So a good Frank'n'Beans dinner could blow the ship from the inside!
---C.S.Strowbridge
> your clock is too fast. you're about 30 mins ahead of me :) (And Im tied
> to the atomic clock in Greenwich) :)
do they untie you at feeding times?
---Lord Edam
> Very ASVS of you.
No. no no.
That was not ASVS. THIS is ASVS:
"Your argument is not convincing."
"Fuck you."
"Concession accepted."
"Fuck you sideways with a rusty tire iron!"
"Now you're just being disgusting."
See the difference? So, in closing: You are a fruity man whore. :^)
(it's an ASVS traditiom, don't take offense)
---Pablo Sanchez
In article <8q61t2$8ba$1@bob.news.rcn.net>,
"news.erols.com" wrote:
> You guys are getting all riled up by a few trolls, and not only that,
> your ACTUAL discussions are pretty damn lame.
>
> This has got to be the saddest thing I've ever seen on the internet.
>
What you never been to Spacebattles?
---WeeMadAndo
On Sat, 09 Dec 2000 21:29:15 GMT, Strowbridge wrote:
>How is it that NONE of the democratic ballots messed up but 4000
>Republican ballots did?
Easy. God is Jewish.
---Kynes
Voyager has no need of logic! This is the series that had an entire
episode based in World War II, yet somehow managed to work a tribe of
Klingons into it! Next thing you know, they'll be sailing the Seven
Nebulae in search of hidden treasure!
--
Pablo Sanchez
> > Brew up some 2000 vintage pain and bottle it up. Keep it in the
> > cellars and three to seven years later we'll have excellent pain to
> > give to all who dare feel they may debate here without permission.
>
> I want fries with that
>
Ohhh a bottle of 2000 pain and box of 1980 McDonald's fries, the
perfect combination for your worst enemy. Avaliable at a deathbringer
store near you.
This winter: Chronic itch powder, its now a nutritious drink.
--
Cmdrwilkens
The Ten Commandments (According to Strowbridge):
1) Thou must shut the fuck up.
2) I am Zeus. Thou art a peon. I do not care about thy afflictions.
3) Thou must not be overzealous in thy snipping.
4) Kynes is my son. Worship him.
5) Thou must never ask what C.S. stands for.
6) THERE IS NO COMMANDMENT 6.
7) Some R&R maintainers are more equal than others.
8) I am a Star Wars fan. Therefore, the Federation is kriffed.
9) Thou must shut the fuck up.
10) If I said #1 any more, it would not be a curse. Begone, Trekkies!
--
Crayz9000
I think I'll just condense everything to fully illuminate the depths of
Healey's misconduct:
Ryan: "Fuck you, bitch. You're worse than Weyoun. Just kidding."
Nahmaah: "I'll rip off your nuts and eat them with some fava beans and a
sparkling chianti. Just joking, though."
Robert: "Hey, you PMSing? Just a jo-"
*everyone stops and stares at him*
Robert: "What?"
*notices the expression on the faces of the others and begins to run*
--
Björn
"Every torture has a beginning...
Every journey has its pavement...
Every newsgroup has its pariah..."
*cut to 3 minutes of staring at a black "censored" plaque while screams
are heard in the background*
"ASVS - Death Is Just The Beginning."
NOTE: May cause nausea, phobias and/or pokémon addiction.
--
Björn
This is the Starship USS Boobyprize, NC-17...
Picard: well, you've done it now
Soren: Yes, and now there's no sense in fighting...
Picard: ...Since we're going to die in << 8 minutes *looks longingly
sidewise at Soren*
Soren: Are you thinking what I'm thinking you're thinking?
Picard: Shine my skull, you magnificent beast!
--
Matt Hyde
Chuck wrote:
> I don't think there's sufficient room inside the male cell to carry a
> significant number of midichlorians to cause the procreation of force
> powers. If there was, then the sheer quanity of them in once place
> would produce counts off the scale. Darth Vader could've moved entire
> planets with his dick.
Vader: "The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the
power of my pants."
--
Transcend
Dark secrets of Santa's raindeer
Rudolph: Only has a red nose because he's always dead drunk. He is also
the only raindeer that can navigate while stoned.
Donner: Likes venison, makes the other raindeer nervous after he eat Comet.
Dancer & Prancer: Don't Ask Don't tell, last time we checked they were
still in the closet.
Blitzen: Second biggest drunk besides Rudolph.
Vixen: Does raindeer porn in the off season.
Cupid: Frustrated and about to go postal along with the Elves.
--
Colin Brian Witz
> Guys...don't we have safeguards against people like this? I mean, we
> must have SOMETHING that keeps Paul and TOWNMNBS from coming back!
>
> Ray
Sure we do. Recite with me:
"There is no troll, there is debate.
There is no concession, there is resolve.
There is no NRWD, there is the FAQ."
There, don't we all feel a lot better now? =)
--
Björn
Subject: Re: [FAQ] Strowbridge's email
Date: Sun, 13 Jun 1999 10:59:44 -0700
From: Strowbridge
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
Jonathan Boyd wrote:
>
> Does anyone have Strowbridge's email address?
I do.
C.S.Strowbridge
Strowbridge: So, in other words, you put words in her mouth and then
attacked that position. Hmmm, what is that called again?
Elim: I don't think it has a name.
Strowbridge: You're joking, right?
Dalton: Please stop giving me images of Elim and his ass.
Poe: What's the difference? They're interchangeable.
Strowbridge: I just got an image of a guy with an ass for a face.
Butt checks flapping whenever he talks.
Dalton: That's sick. That would mean he has an asshole for a mouth
and spews shit all the time.
Strowbridge: And the difference is ...
Strowbridge: Feigning Ignorance = Admission of Defeat.
Elim: Does not. First of all I did not feign ignorance.
Strowbridge: So you admit you stupidity is 100% genuine.
I'll have to hang on to this message.
Strowbridge: I don't know what method is being used during my
satanical, but this is what I did.
Boyd: I hope you mean sabbatical.
Strowbridge: Lets just say my vacations are a little more exciting
than the average Caribbean cruise.
Trekkiest: Also, as I have said before, SW's galaxy could be
much smaller than ST's.
Strowbridge: Yeah, and I could be having a torrid love affair with Chase
Masterson. But unless I could give proof, no one here would
believe me.
Baron: Hey, my original argument wall well thought out and constructed.
It was just torn apart, that's all.......
Strowbridge: Wall well, huh. Can't argue with that.
Baron: Yes! I won an argument!!
Strowbridge: Not yet, I've done I lot of thinking on this subject and I
may have come up with a response that you can't hope to
defeat: Wall well, but floor better.
Dalton: Ignore this message; I've just set up Netscape Messenger with my
new ISP and I'm testing it out.
Strowbridge: Better check your setting cause the message didn't come through.
Dalton: Hmm...that's very strange. I think I'll stick with the internet NG
servers for now. Thanks, Strowbridge.
Strowbridge: No prob, Rob.
Graham Kennedy: So why weren't the DS's security officers investigating?
Strowbridge: Armed intruders killed a couple of Imperial Officers. You
don't investigate, you kill.
Graham Kennedy: Having the military stomp all over your investigations
and mess things up sure seems like bad security to me...
Strowbridge: What investigation? They are not trying to 'piece the puzzle
together.' They are trying to 'kill the intruders.'
* Warning * * Warning * * Warning *
The Following post contains real science. All Pro-ST people may want to
bury their heads in the sand till it passes!
* Warning * * Warning * * Warning *
--
C.S.Strowbridge
Mad Rabbit: You talk about megacorps, here's a few TRUE megacorps. Kuat
Drive Yards, Seinar Fleet Systems, Blastech, Cybot Galactica,
Industrial Automaton...... Each of these corporations OWNS
entire STAR SYSTEMS.
Elim: So? Quark's cousin owns his own moon.
Strowbridge: Even you have to see the difference between owning a moon
and owning a STAR SYSTEM!
[Not to mention the fucking Corporate Sector...--Ed.]
Kathryn Jordan wrote in message
news:5Ga56.9607$3t2.425074@newsread1.prod.itd.earthlink.net...
> let the next invasion begin
What, SB are planning on invading ASVS?
Come off it.
Have you seen their ASVS threads?
"yeah. Damn that ASVS place. IT's all full of shits. Their eedeeotts.
Nowhere near as good as this palce, Umm, where and what is ASVS anywya?"
"ASVS can be found if you have a newsread, or if you don't"
"uh - the first one doesn't work and teh second oen opened a new window in
netscape. It's too complicated. I'll jsut sit here and let them come to me"
"what was ASVS again? And where was the link that you posted three messages
above mine?"
"ASVS is a newsgroup. HEre's how you get there"
"ung, it isn't web. I don't know how to do it if it isn't web. Let's wait
for them to come ehre then we'llshow them. "
six weeks later - "so no one from aSV showed up. WE WON!!!"
--
Lord Edam
from when I was a graveyard clerk at 7-11, to our management
Request: Bullet Proof Vests for Graveyard shift.
Hey, I don't mind giving the SOB all of the money in the store without
putting up a fight. But at least let us wear something underneath this
monkey suit so that we will at least have a snowball's chance in Hell of
surviving the robbery.
Quote of General Employee Consensus
--
Colin Brian Witz
Transcend pondered the sun for a while, then scrambled to write the following:
>wasn't it established in one of the
>first few shows that the ship had a small crew? They're claiming that a good
>1/4 of Voyager's crew are Maqui for crying out loud! Why would they have had
>so many on a ship like that?
I suspect that, hidden somewhere in Chakotay's quarters is a little glass jar
mounted atop a gumball machine labeled:
"10,000 Instant Marquis!
Just Add Water."
The One, The Only: Retired Red-Shirt Jimmy
> You are an idiot of biblical proportions.
>
> C.S.Strowbridge
His score card is filling up, another stupid mistake and he graduates from
biblical to astronomical.
-
Spyda
To be an ASVS regular you must:
[ ] Have WAY too much free time
[ ] Be insane
[ ] Use the word fuck at least three times in each post
[ ] Have WAY too much free time
[ ] Insult Paul
[ ] Insult Elim
[ ] Insult every other person on the NG
[ ] Insult Spacebattles.com
[ ] Have WAY too much free time
[ ] Be obsessed
[ ] Have at least one pet theory you will defend till death
[ ] Like to write about killing people painfully
[ ] Get in at least one flame war a month
[ ] Have WAY too much free time
[ ] Call at least one person an asshole per week
[ ] Know a huge amount of useless facts
[ ] Get flamed at least once a month
[ ] Acknowledge mistakes only after having them repeatedly shown to you.
[ ] Have WAY too much free time
--
Kyle Knopf
"Strowbridge" <strowbridge@home.com> wrote in message
news:3A6B6A40.7F254DFD@home.com...
> Wayne Poe wrote:
> >
> > On Sun, 21 Jan 2001, Chuck wrote:
> >
> > > I want to see Hillary vs. Gore in the primaries for 2004!
> >
> > Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton........
> >
> > Quick, someone kill Jeb and Chelsea!
>
> I'd rather have Chelsea than Hillary.
>
I'd rather have Chelsea and Bush's twin daughters. A Clit, two Bushes and my
presidential staff at attention, by golly we'd have an excellent
inauguration party!
--
Enigma
In article <VCkb6.122666$Z2.1506339@nnrp1.uunet.ca>,
"Obfuscatingly, Klaas" wrote:
> After reading some of the on-topic threads in this group, I have come
> to a conclusion.
>
> There are too damn many SW supporters. It just isn't fair (it really
> isn't).
>
> Therefore, I propose this as a solution:
>
> 1) A number of Spaart'i cloning cylinders will be procured equal to
> half the number of SW supporters (the SW side must pay for them, of course).
>
> 2) A random distribution of half the SW supporters will immediately be
> cloned, meanwhile brainwashing them to the ST side.
>
> 3) These new ST zealots will double one of the vowels in their name
> (obviously that is the correct way to name a clone)
>
> 4) Equilibrium is restored.
5) We hit you in the face with a brick and sell you to a Taiwanese
whore house.
--
Pablo Sanchez
Could it really be a post from PAUL JACQUES H.JR? Or is it just another
strange illusion?
> You should not KF the truth that [nobody] speaks. He like me are
> trying to show the light to people of this NG. Like B5, we are your
> last hope.
so does that mean you are the last in a long line of failures and your
sole remaining purpose is to be blown because you are a hazard to
everyone?
--
Lord Edam de Fromage
Get me 40 of the most beautiful women you can find and coerce them into
having sex with me.
Then, while I am being banged 40 times over, bring in LT. HIT-MAN with
Weyoun being lead by fishing wire attached to his scrotum and let HIT-MAN
torture him, killing him at the precise moment when I climax, making for
the ultimate orgasm.
--
Durandal
"Transcend" <transcend@cybertown.com> wrote in message
news:96jequ$kqarc$1@ID-75240.news.dfncis.de...
> The Ambivalent DMZ wrote:
>
> >
> > "Paradox" <l33ta0lhax0r@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> > news:982300510.139492@globe.atl2.mindspring.net...
> > > I was looking at the Death Star pics on Chuck's site, and I'm
> > > wondering... Just wtf was the point in making the DSII 100x bigger then
> > > the first? they coulda made dozen's of them by the time they got as far
> > > as making the DS2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> >
> >
> > Our first Death Star appears to have had a fatal flaw. Some stupid idiot
> > designed in an open vent directly from inside the shielding on the reactor
> > core to the surface. Can we get round that on the new model?
> >
> > I'm afraid not, sir - we've got to leave at least one weak point on which
> > a single hit will blow up the entire station.
> >
> > Hmmmmm.... I know - we'll make the next one 100 times bigger - those rebel
> > scum will never find it!
>
> Actually the FIRST one was so big they shouldn't have been able to find it.
> Also the second one didn't have such a large vent, instead it had a whole
> bunch of really tiny ones.
Yes, they did have a map for the first one. Loads of really tiny ones, you
say? I can see it now, if it had ever been completed...
Okay squad, we're going to drop you off on the surface of the DSII, you'll
spread out over its surface using stealth so that you're not spotted, and
then use our secret weapon to blow it up.....
*hands each squad member their cork*
--
DMZ
Adm. Mark Sheppard: Uhm I'll bother my bro for it :D [FF7 hints]
Adm. Mark Sheppard: Shit, He's in the can...
GrandAdmiral Ancaris: heh. slam on the door and yell "ATF!! Open up!"
--
MKSheppard
> Thanx for the welcome. You seem a friendly lot.
Just got here, then?
--
Dalton
Dalton wrote:
>
> 6. Stop wasting my time. Either contribute or shut up. It's as simple
> as that. Come up with something that makes sense instead of this
> stupid Mickey Mouse "I'm a better physicist than Wong and Edam put
> together because I said so" bullshit.
Well that last part is true. You see, Edam is the Anti Wong so when you
combine Mike Wong and Lord Edam you get zero.
...
Nope, that's still better that Paul.
C.S.Strowbridge
I/O error Transcend has crashed.
Syntax error in programs Ali and Hitman
Rob Dalton has performed an Illeagle Action and will be terminated for
mocking The Dark Lord Gates.
--
Colin Brian Witz
Yes, very good, I just wonder what their serenity prayer is.......
Grant me the
Authority To Supress the arguements that I cannot win
Audacity To argue the points that I think I can win
and the Trollishness to manipulate information so that no one can tell the
Difference.
It has been 6 years since my last 12 steps meeting
--
Colin Brian Witz
From: "Pablo"
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
Subject: [News] Federation Invades Canada, is Repulsed by Alert Chicken
Date: Sat, 19 May 2001 20:58:19 -0500
In a stunning development, the United Federation of planets invaded Canada
today. Beaming down to a farm outside Quebec, the Federation force of 500
men immediately launched an attack on the barn, but were swiftly driven off
by a plucky rooster name Pierre.
"Oh yah, the space guys kinda came out of nowhere and burned down the barn,
but Pierre here started peckin' 'em, eh?" the owner of the farm said. He
requested not be identified.
After fleeing from the fearsome chicken, the Federation Ensigns repeatedly
attempted to surrender to an abandoned Buick. After giving up, they
wandered onto a highway and were killed by a hit and run driver.
The Canada Parliament is calling for immediate reparations from the
Federation for the barn-burning, but the Federation appears reluctant to
pay.
The chicken, Pierre, has been declared a hero of Canada, and is being
prepared for a victory parade.
In other news, President Bush locked himself in the bathroom and is unable
to escape. Film at 11.
--
Pablo Sanchez
What's so great abt Space Battles that 15 year old glue-sniffing grade
school flunkies fall in love with it? Oh. I just answered my question.
Who wants to make a comparison between the relationship of MS to UNIX,
and that of ASVS to SB?
ASVS, UNIX: 4 letters
SB, MS: 2
ASVS: "adult, industrial strength"
SB: "Net Nanny"
ASVS: fast and easy
SB: wait. wait to log on. wait to draw the screen. wait to type. wait to
draw the screen. wait to click. wait to draw the screen...
ASVS: "robust and steady"
SB: "shaky and unstable"
ASVS: "ps," "ps -au grep|username," or "top"
SB: "ctrl-alt-del, ctrl-alt-del" to fix any and every problem
UNIX: "homonym for harem guards"
SB: "boring and maybe slightly diseased"
ASVS: "multitasking"
SB: "walking and trying to chew cum"
and so on....
--
Matt Hyde
OK more from the demented mind that sometimes thinks it's a machine.
ASVSoft
Rob Wilson: Spell Checker/Wordprocessor
Theala/Hyde: Math coprocessors
Paul/Elim/CR/Weyon: Virus make sure your system has a good Firewall.
The Cleaners: Intrusion Countermeasures
LT. Hitman: BLACK ICE (Cyberpunk type)
Mark Sheppard, C.S., Dalton: Firewall
Raven: *Access to site denied*
Chris O'Farrel, Colin Witz, Spyda: Humor sites
Stuart Mackey, Chuck: (F1 key, help)
Kynes, D.A.: FLAMEwall (Similar to firewall protection.....)
--
Colin Brian Witz
"Chuck" wrote in message news:9etpqu$16gce$1@ID-64862.news.dfncis.de...
> "Kynes" <kynes@choam.org> wrote in message
> news:q%mQ6.7025$qs3.2863680@news2.rdc2.tx.home.com...
> >"Aron Kerkhof" wrote in message
> >news:vswRO97VYFXlrMDR3yOHqDfcFKgw@4ax.com...
> > > ><stuff about Borg>
> > >
> > > Makes sense, as their ships employ now armor to speak of. They rely
> > > on their gee-whiz adaption shields to protect them.
> >
> > Their ships appear to be made of PVC pipes and old, discarded screen doors.
> > Conclusion: the Borg were formed when a tornado, ripping through a Creationist's
> > junkyard, assembled not the 747 they were expecting... but something quite different
> > indeed...
> I think it looks more like a Transformer turd.
QUEEN: Data, you can become one of us. Something better. Something more. A robot in
disguise.
[QUEEN transforms into a small race car]
DATA [quizically raising eyebrow]: You are more than meets the eye.
--
Kynes
Remember ST:FC? The Enterprise-E WOULD have been erased if not for being
protected by a "temporal wake."
I'm wondering what kind of time-travel devices ST uses...
Booting up...
WELCOME TO TIME EDITOR v24C!
Would you like to:
1: Modify existing timeline
2: Create new timeline
3: Erase current timeline and replace with new timeline
To what extent would you like to violate the Law of Causality?
1: A little
2: OK, somewhat
3: Law of what?
How much would you like to insult the viewers' intelligence?
1: A little jab never hurts
2: They need to know who's boss
3: Come on, these are Star Trek viewers
How important are the Laws of Physics in this new timeline
1: Somewhat important; violations every so often
2: Not very; only come into play when a technobabble term is needed
3: My name is Rick Bermann
--
Durandal
Introducing the new Q-toilet! If you aren't convinced by the end of this ad
that the Q-toilet isn't the most handy-dandy toilet you ever did buy, then
check your pulse, you might not be alive.
Features:
-Constructed of the finest gleaming white porcelain, with Q's face permanently
engraved in the bowl.
-No need for messy toilet paper. The Q-Toilet will now clean you in a flash of
white light (*) while at the same time, berating you on your lack of
intelligence.
-Talk to this toilet, and it will answer you! Ask it any question . . . it
knows the answer! (+)
-Buy the new Q-Toilet now for the low . . . low . . . LOW price of just
$69.99...95...99...95...99!!!
(*) No guarantee that said cleaning won't be . . . permanent.
(+) Usually an insult. "Did you eat the TP again?" and "What sort of primitive
pond scum are you?" comes to mind.
The One, The Only: Retired Red-Shirt Jimmy
Dalton wrote:
> > > > > Nerds everywhere will line up just to touch me.
> > > > >
I don't care what you smell, get in there!
--
Matt Hyde
A. Polinger wrote:
> Dude! That sucks right out of the box!
>
And this is comming from someone who *knows* about sucking!
--
Transcend
Dalton <rob@daltonator.net> wrote in message news:<3B1D58D1.86EFC2F9@daltonator.net>...
> We're not racist here. We hate everyone equally.
I picture a sign, with some parts spray-painted over
ASVS Town
Population: DOES NOT INCLUDE YOU
GO AWAY, FUCKER
--
Pablo Sanchez
"Chuck" <sonn@sfdebris.com> wrote in message
news:9fg5rd$429vo$1@ID-64862.news.dfncis.de...
>
> "Deimos Anomaly" <samueljamieson@aol.com> wrote in message
> news:3B1B866C.3EF7F43@aol.com...
> > If I was in charge of Starfleet R&D, I'd try to get them to build some
> > scaled up version of this: http://www.recguns.com/Images/avenger.jpg
> > That's the gun used in the A10 Thunderbolt ("Warthog"). It's capable
> > of several thousand rounds per minute. Building a scaled-up version of
> > such a weapon that was capable of firing quantorps, and used as a capital
> > ship armament, would initially give SF ships a huge firepower advantage
> > over almost any foe.
> >
> I squished a bee the other day with a rolled-up magazine. Maybe Starfleet
> could build a scaled-up version of the magazine and use it to swat star
> destroyers.
Hey, this could work. Imagine how long the ISD crews would stand staring
as the 3 mile long image of the Playmate-of-the-month moved towards them? How
many gunners would bring themselves to fire their TL's (as opposed to
their personal "weapons") at that?
:-)
--
Rob Wilson
Strowbridge wrote:
>
> Ok, why the fuck do I never make it on any mortal enemy list. TOWNMNBS
> had one, Paul had one, and now MKSheppard has one. But I'm on NONE OF
> THEM!
>
> Could someone explain this to me?
You're reasonable, and people laugh when you insult others. Everyone
likes you.
Start insulting...oh...say...Matt. He might be your mortal enemy.
Well, isn't Lord Edam a mortal enemy of yours?
*Imagines ASVS Elementary School*
[STROWBRIDGE is sitting alone on the playground, while everyone else has
someone to fight with]
STROWBRIDGE: [Cries softly] No one will be my mortal enemy. I'm such a loser...
EDAM: Wait, Strowbridge, _I'll_ be your mortal enemy.
STROWBRIDGE: You will?! Really!? WOW!
EDAM: Yeah, now SAY GOODNIGHT FUCKWIT!!!!
[The two begin an all-out fight to the death, and peace is restored to
ASVS Elementary]
--
Damien Sorresso
The Following HAZMAT guidelines are in force and should accompany effected
posts.
Flammable Warning: Post Contains information capable of causing a Flamewar, or
injury.
Caustic: Post may cause Burn injury, or bodily loss, Referring to posts with a
highly acidic sarcasm.
Biohazard: This post may result in damage to keyboard or Monitor as a result of
Biological reaction.
Explosive: This post contains unstable logic that may cause the writer to
Explode if disturbed.
Radioactive: This post contains a high level of Bozon radiation, proceed with
caution.
--
Colin Brian Witz
<snip>
> "We must quickly move to save what is left of his mind however, " the
> medic said, "for it may still hold some spark of what humans call a
> soul. His CVI is still mostly functional, and from that we should be
> able to recover his memories. It is tricky, but it has precident with
> Companion Protector Boone."
>
> The procedure was started immediately, the new body was a mindless husk
And it was very busy, it had a lot of ASVS posts to write!
--
Matt Hyde
"Elim Garak" <polinga@u.washington.edu> wrote
>> Because most SW holograms don't need to be of high quality. The
>> holoshroud shows that when this is needed, it's done.
> That's idiotic. It is like saying that everyone in the 18th
> century used awful photographic equipment because they didn't
> need sharp images and high quality color photographs.
That would be true if they had higher-quality things available in
the 18th century, like they do in SW.
--
Kynes
"DMZ" <dmz@NOSPAMfreeuk.com> wrote in message
news:992784244.6695.0.nnrp-12.3e31960d@news.demon.co.uk...
>
> "Cmdrwilkens" wrote in message
> news:y9XW6.88172$G5.18903469@news1.rdc1.md.home.com...
Snip
> > Basically I think it likely that since Bureau of
> > Navigation/Bureau of Ships, which remained an independant organization
> > throughout the OR, Empire, and NR, most likely functions under the
> > basic principle that you store what you need and what you might need and
> > everything else makes data soring horrendous and a waste of valuable
> > computer time that could be better spent on things like actually
> > plotting routes.
> >
> I see - so you're saying they have shite computers and less knowledge
> than ancient earth. Got it.
Tarkin : Commander I grow weary of this waiting! How long until we reach
Yavin, and the secret Rebel Base?"
DS Commander : "Sorry sir, the Navigators have just finished plotting the
star positions with the sextant, and the figures are expected hot off the
Abacus any second now!"
Tarkin : " Very well, I expect the Hyperdrive to be activated within the
hour."
Commander : " Yes sir, I'll order the Oars shipped immediately!"
External : Billions of ports open around the DS structure, and 2km long
oars appear from each. From inside can be heard the sound of a *really*
big drum.
--
Rob Wilson
Dalton <rob@daltonator.net> wrote in message
news:3B32C81A.BC7E219E@daltonator.net...
> Chuck wrote:
> >
> > "Shadowwalker" wrote in message
> > news:2fe9c928.0106211950.3704e178@posting.google.com...
> > > I am too evil... lol.
> > >
> > > Well have fun kiddies. Play nice!
> > What is magento? Oh, isn't that one of the sixty-four crayola crayons?
>
> It's the one that tastes like zinc.
Well, unlike Mr. Dalton's uncivilized palate, I have a far more refined
sense of taste as it pertains to crayons. I would characterize magento as a
sort of waxy metallic flavour, not unlike like licking candlewax off of the
hood of a car.
Sincerely,
Pablo Sanchez
On Sat, 23 Jun 2001, Chris O'Farrell wrote:
> Wayne Poe <louis@h4h.com> wrote in message
> news:Pine.LNX.4.21.0106172330170.5932-100000@filmgate.h4h.com...
> >
> > On Sun, 17 Jun 2001, IXJac wrote:
> >
> > > > And I care? You know well I've been banned on 3 separate occaisions
> > > > in the past, not that I cared. Be my guest.
> >
> > > Oh, just serving notice. A few threads in fun is one thing.
> > > Spamming is another. Just making sure it's known. . .
> >
> > Hey CorSec, you have no jurisdiction here!
> >
> Heh, this reminds me of the SW cantina.
> "We don't serve your kind in here"
> "What?"
> "Your moderator, he'll have to wait outside"...
"I don't like you either. I have been banned in 12 threads!"
--
Wayne Poe
"Kynes" <kynes@choam.org> wrote in message
news:lhaZ6.351759$oc7.40368742@news2.rdc2.tx.home.com...
> Virtual Kynes moved out of Real Boyd's Virtual Sim house. He realized the
> > anti-poontang field being generated by Boyd's computer was going to put a
> > serious cramp in his life style.
>
> LMAO
>
> Boyd : Hmm whats this site?
> Computer : Warning Women detected onsite. Raising shields. Sexual content
> high, shields down to 47%. Diverting power from Chastity programme, Shields
> holding at 60%. Recommend course change to Trek site to recharge Geek Core
> to full power.
> Boyd : Phew that was close.
>
> :-)
>
> Rob Wilson
LOL.
"You must be over 18 to enter this site. [OK]"
"You must not be Jonathan Boyd to enter this site. [OK]"
"I know it's you, Jon, your computer told the webserver. [Damn]"
--
Kynes
Back to Quotes