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One-Liners

Quote #1464: ""You try THAT shit again, kid, and I will mod you. I will mod you so hard, you'll wish I were Dalton."" --- Lagmonster

Quote #3: "Star Trek is consistent in that it is consistently inconsistent." --- Graeme Dice

Quote #4: "It's like comparing a cool theme park to a padded white cell." --- PREDATOR, commenting on Star Wars and Star Trek

Quote #5: "The truth is out there, and it's part of this complete breakfast." --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #6: "Suspenders of Disbelief: For When the Harsh Weight of Reality Threatens to Drag the Trousers of Our Imagination Down to the Unforgiving Floor of Mundanity!" --- Mad Rabbit

Quote #7: "I think your dealer is lacing your crack with Tide." --- JediMaster

Quote #8: "I've written 6 words." --- Baron, commenting on Domination Chapter 24

Quote #9: "It's always nice to make another denizen admit he's a fucking moron :)" --- Rog

Quote #10: "If the jackboot fits, goosestep." --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #11: "The price of oil is irrelevant next to the power of the Force." --- Michael January

Quote #12: "Thanks for not contributing yet again." --- Kynes, to Eframepilot

Quote #13: "Ah, the wily Right Angel. Ninety degrees and on a mission from God." --- Kynes

Quote #14: "So in conclusion, both technologies are bullshit, but Star Wars is more powerful BS. It doesn't matter if it would work or not." --- Doomriser

Quote #15: "See, star Trek trying to defeat the Empire is the equivilant of the easter bunny throughing marshmellows at the Devil." --- Sarah Nichols

Quote #16: "If brute force isn't working, it's because you're not using enough." --- Mad Rabbit

Quote #17: "There is a fine difference between 'kill' and 'horribly maim.'" --- Mark Berger

Quote #18: "I hope you have your tombstone picked out coffin breath" --- LT.Hit-Man

Quote #19: "I'll rip out your trachea and beat you to death with your epiglottis." --- Rob Dalton

Quote #20: "Oh no! A bunch of pasty-faced geeks who sit inside all day masturbating to their scale models of Klingon battleships don't agree with me?! Where DID I leave that bottle of cyanide?" --- Kynes

Quote #21: "We already have pathetic Trekkie losers here on ASVS who don't agree with me. Guardian2000 is a good example of just such an agenitalial wonder. Guess how much it bothers me?" --- Kynes

Quote #22: "I believe any divine beings turned their back on the newsgroup sometime around "[OT] God is a Homo."" --- Kynes

Quote #23: "We are the Cleaners. You will be annihilated. Feel free to beg for your pitiful little lives." --- Björn Paulsen

Quote #24: "When the Lump Club fights, it's the ground that suffers." --- ASVS Proverb

Quote #25: "Once again, separating is ludicrous "Oh hang on, let me separate before we fight OK? Hey! Not the face!" --- Matt Hyde

Quote #26: "And lastly, if you're sexually promiscuous, you're hogging more than your fair share of virgins. And that's just a crime, dammit." --- Aron Kerkhof

Quote #27: "If you're asking a Star Trek vs. Star Wars discussion group their opinion on your potential love life, perhaps you should just visit the red light district now." --- Kynes

Quote #28: "This has to be a joke, as I can't see anyone actually being this dumb and still using punctuation." --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #29: "Subtlety on ASVS is adding 'please' on the end of 'fuck you.'" --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #30: "...And Star Trek's message to the fans has changed from 'To boldly go' to 'To boldly go fuck yourself.'" --- Rob Dalton

Quote #31: "DS9 and Voyager are turds rolling down poop mountain and gaining velocity in their crapitude." --- Federal X (Rob Dalton)

Quote #32: "I'm an equal opportunity mass murderer." --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #33: "I'm starting to wonder if whenever Edam bends over there isn't a fight between Alves and Boyd as to who places their lips onto the exhaust port first." --- Wayne Poe

Quote #34: "He insults our honor, and defiles Chucky Cheese! GET HIM!!" --- Ensign Jimmy

Quote #35: "At the moment, I barely qualify as sentient." --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #36: "I belong to me, I have the receipt." --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #37: "I'm an Ogre-Mage, you bitch, and I will 100% go bloodlust on your ass." --- Kynes

Quote #39: "I swear, my feces should have a website of their own." --- Kynes

Quote #40: "There is no finer compliment than having your writing compared to Rob's ass." --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #41: "You are a fruity man whore." --- Spyda

Quote #43: "I always wanted to know but never asked, would fucking your clone qualify as a wank or as incest?" --- Michael January

Quote #44: "Lt. HIT-MAN, a permanent solution to *any* problem." --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #45: "Proof that quantum torpedoes are anything other than a photon torpedo set to "blue?"" --- Kynes

Quote #46: "I want to be the model for sarcastic smartasses, so that they all wear WWCS (what would chuck say) wristbands. :-)" --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #47: "I seriously doubt that our canon policy includes Disney Land. Why not just toss in the pinball game that I spend half an hour a day playing? The Death Star is invincible!" --- Kynes

Quote #48: "[sticks fingers in ears] LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!" --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #49: "Who needs allies when you have 29 trillion SSD's?" --- Graeme Dice

Quote #50: "It takes Geordi mere minutes to crack Klingon computer network security and steal all of their secret information. The Klingon computer network security model is apparently based on Windows 98 :)" --- Michael Wong (C.S.Strowbridge)

Quote #52: "Star Trek is the McDonalds of science fiction." --- David Gerrold (Wayne Poe)

Quote #53: "You're under arrest for reckless endangerment, Speeding past c in real space, violating Newton's Third Law, Two Laws of Nature, and 4 minor laws of Physics." --- Colin Brian Witz

Quote #54: "DOS BOXES AND TELNET SCREENS ARE PRETTY!" --- Kynes

Quote #55: "DON'T MAKE ME GET OUT THE MONTAGE" --- Kynes

Quote #56: "I'm not anti-math, I'm anti-thinking." --- Lord Edam de Fromage

Quote #57: "He's like one of those flying monkeys from wizard of Oz." --- Pablo Sanchez

Quote #58: "I am not a troll, I am counsol to Lucifer." --- Colin Brian Witz

Quote #60: "Well I might have said yes, once upon a time in a far off land where I was smoking crack, shooting smack, and licking opium. Since I'm not there right now let me say no." --- Cmdrwilkens

Quote #61: "I'm sorry Pablo, but, well... you just don't cut it in the fruity department. =)" --- Björn Paulsen

Quote #62: "Every night, when I go to bed, I lay awake thinking of how I will irritate the pro-ST side. Then I wax my moustache and kick some babies." --- Kynes

Quote #77: "ASVS welcoming committee, service with a smile, a song in our hearts....and a fuck-off huge gun in our hands!" --- Iceberg3K

Quote #78: "I should never buy shit from the people who sell Nuclear weapons to Coyotes." --- Colin Brian Witz

Quote #79: "If we go three posts without a flame war it's a good day, six posts and it's a VERY good day. Ten and hell freezes over." --- Kyle Knopf

Quote #80: "ASVS, it's worse then Pringles. Once you post you can't stop." --- Kyle Knopf

Quote #81: "I was going to post something intelligent and thought provoking, but then I realized that I'm not very smart." --- Pablo Sanchez

Quote #82: "There's a reason the captain's chair doesn't have a console -- Survival." --- (Rasputin)

Quote #83: "School is a big waste of time. It consumes a whole 6 hours of your life that could be better used to learn more about the great SW-ST debate." --- Kazuaki Shimazaki

Quote #84: "Remember, you can't polish a turd." --- Wayne Poe

Quote #85: "Unfortunately, I can't do the Batman music on usenet." --- Graeme Dice

Quote #86: "Hi my names Rob...and I am a Biblioholic." --- Rob Wilson, addicted to Fanfic

Quote #88: "I am very happy to call people crack smoking donkey fuckers when they display such blindness." --- Cmdrwilkens

Quote #89: "Bah, you haven't lived until you've been called a crack smoking donkey fucker." --- DMZ

Quote #90: "You can, however, note the resemblence of the Defiant to a spray-painted urinal cake." --- Matt Hyde

Quote #94: "Why don't you run it through your syntax repair subroutine, Mr. Data?" --- Rob Dalton, jumping on the Insult Transcend bandwagon

Quote #95: "Ah, ASVS. The one place where a question about someones children can become a debate about, in turn, Army toys; Alcohol abuse; Drug usage; Stress management; Prohibition and of course Terrorism. All without anyone batting an eyelid or thinking it unusual...... You've got to love this place! :-D" --- Rob Wilson, on the mark

Quote #97: "100% Kynes, now with even more of the same great beefy taste young girls crave!" --- Matt Hyde...eww

Quote #98: "It's actually salty, I hear." --- Kynes...yech

Quote #100: "'Continunity is irrelevent. We are the Braga'..." --- Chris O'Farrell

Quote #101: "'And you shall know that the L.T.'s name is the LAW when he lays his fanfic Review upon thee'-ASVS 25:17" --- Colin Brian Witz

Quote #102: "Come on, don't be foxy Kynes. I never am." --- Matt Hyde

Quote #104: "Hey, I'm still trying to figure out why someone would want to claim credit for this hodgepodge of a language. That's like being proud of making a sauerkraut and gravy cake." --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #129: "You better be joking or I swear I am going to crawl down this damn telephone line and switch your genitals with your eyeballs." --- Lord Edam de Fromage

Quote #130: "Dobutful. Transcend leaping forward to great a person who has been on ASVS far longer then you when he is screaming for people he knows, not newbies to come forward is well..." --- Chris O'Farrell...WTF?

Quote #131: "Yes, Spyda, we've all agreed: The purple lipstick was /way/ over the line." --- Pablo Sanchez

Quote #132: "I am magically delicious. :)" --- Ryan Spickard

Quote #133: "That's the scariest thought of all: Guardian actually being right about something. What's next, Timmy having sex?" --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #267: "Wayne wrote a book? Cool! "Quoth the raven: Piss off troll!"" --- Chuck

Quote #270: "You strike me as the kind of guy who sees a tornado coming and starts blowing really hard in the hopes of making it change direction." --- Chuck

Quote #279: "I am quite a tasty treat." --- Kynes

Quote #280: "You are all falling prey to my 'Peace and Love' Quantum Hippie-Beams! Muwahahahahaha!" --- Ryan Spickard

Quote #282: "No it's not, you asked "which wave theory?"" --- Matt Hyde

Quote #283: "Wow, I wish I could be such a gentleman. But I enjoy calling people assholes too much!" --- Wayne Poe

Quote #284: "Hey, if I want to get bossed around and slapped with a whiffle bat, I'll pay for it, okay?" --- Chuck

Quote #285: "Welcome to ASVS, where we torture our own wounded just to listen to the screams." --- Chuck

Quote #286: "I view the Star Trek franchise as being a car trying to go cross country that's run into a little fuel trouble, so Berman and Braga drink straight grain alcohol and piss in the gas tank in the hopes of fixing the problem." --- Chuck

Quote #287: "Here's why I like Star Wars more: because I can take my girlfriend to Episode II, and I don't even want to take *ME* to Star Trek 10." --- Kynes

Quote #289: "Troi is a fat bitch, of course she stuffs her face." --- Kynes

Quote #294: "*sigh* You two make me appreciate the NG even more now that I've seen spacebattles :)" --- Rob Dalton

Quote #300: "Deimos, you're as obvious as a Boyd in a whorehouse." --- Durandal

Quote #301: "I saw the light at the end of the long tunnel, heard the voices telling me to step into the light. I stepped aside and let the train pass me by instead." --- Colin Brian Witz

Quote #302: "If religion is the opium of the masses, ASVS is the heroin." --- Björn Paulsen

Quote #395: "There's a fine line between gaining legendary powers and going into a coma." --- Spyda

Quote #396: "Boyd talks about peace, love, forgiveness and all that jazz. Obviously a dangerous fanatic." --- Chris Lyth

Quote #397: "TGOD: The art of intricately crafting explicit stats and tactical doctrine so that it may be thrown from the window to the plainly impossible in order to service implausible writing." --- Cmdrwilkens

Quote #398: "Did you get your degree in ASVS?" --- Matt Hyde

Quote #399: "Well if all else fails remember that chloroform is your friend. :-)" --- Rob Wilson

Quote #488: "Never bone your mother." --- Dalton

Quote #545: "This has got to be the worst SW novel in existence. Now, I've read Vonda McIntyre's work before, such as her Trek novelizations and TOS books. And they weren't the swill that this is. None of the characters even remotely resemble themselves, and the story is just a log cabin made of turds atop a mountain of feces. In short, I disliked this book." --- Wayne Poe

Quote #546: "Please stop replying to the troll. If we learned nothing from the recent Voyager episode it's that annoying people go away if you ignore them, and Q has a foot fetish." --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #547: "Let me summarize the points so far. We want to say the book knows what it's talking about, but the person who checks the book to make sure it knows what it's talking about does not, in fact, no what they're talking about when they speak on the matter of whether or not the book knows what it's talking about. The book is being examined by a person to ensure that it is correct, but who is not qualified to comment on how correct the book is. However, the guy who runs a website about the stuff being talked about in the book is qualified to talk about how correct the book is, or rather to give a more qualified opinion of how correct the book is than the person responsible for checking to see how correct the book was to begin with." --- Chuck Sonnenburg

Quote #595: "PRAISE JESUS! I have seen the light! Oh, wait. It was just the bottom of my optical mouse." --- Mike Wong (Durandal)

Quote #603: "It is very difficult to conduct an attack with ships you do not have." --- Namothil

Quote #624: "Rubbing gel over sexy vulcan chicks should be part of Starfleet regulations." --- Stuart Mackey

Quote #625: "If I tried to killfile every bug-eyed, dimwitted, goosestepping homicidal zoophiliac on ASVS I'd be there all bloody day doing it." --- DMZ

Quote #637: "I've been saying this for years guys. Any group that controls 50% of the wealth and 100% of the pussy is too powerful for the good of the world." --- Chuck

Quote #641: "You're a bona-fide power tool." --- Matt Hyde

Quote #643: "I'm a lesbian trapped in a fat man's body." --- Matt Hyde

Quote #652: "Europeans would have to have giggle-sticks that would make ten horses cry to justify the ugly cars they drive :)" --- Patrick Lee

Quote #663: "Oh, sound the Disillusionment Klaxon, fellas. I think we've got a Five-Alarm Newbie." --- Kynes

Quote #665: "If there's anything on Usenet that makes us seem normal I want it captured and shot immediately." --- C.S.Strowbridge

Quote #666: "It was enough to make me cockslap the mailman." --- Matthew Hyde

Quote #670: "...if you care to debate whether the scientific method works in real life, then feel free; your suffering would be legendary..." --- Mike Wong (Aron Kerkhof)

Quote #687: "I think somebody's been smoking the crack in the event horizon." --- Spyda

Quote #699: "Well the Navy doesn't exactly enlist the most terribly brighten of men." --- Bill Kohlleppel

Quote #717: "Now that you mention it he does kind of look like a scrotum with ears." --- Spyda on Yoda

Quote #722: "Was that the song in Silence of the Lambs? You're evil. I'd fuck me. Gimme the dog! Gimme the goddam dog!" --- Matt Hyde

Quote #723: ""heerheerheeeerr, come 'ere little girl and show us ya growler!" "Oh my God, it looks like she's got a wookie in a leglock!"" --- Spyda

Quote #724: "I am 3PO. HOW IS THAT FAIR?! Do I look like a closet gay! NO! do I sound like a closet gay! No! And I can't even force choke anyone. Even Yoda can do that, and he has Grover doing his voice." --- Setzer

Quote #731: "Klingons don't give a shit how tough their enemies are (if Q had messed with them, they'd have declared war on him and set to work finding a way to launch torpedoes at right angles to reality)." --- Chuck

Quote #739: "You can lead these whores to Wong but you can't make them think." --- Chuck

Quote #740: "I MUST BE IMMORTALIZED! I WILL LIVE FOREVER AS A SMALL GOD!" --- Björn Paulsen

Quote #742: "Oh come on, I've always wanted to see Mulgrew reprise the Ghost "pottery wheel" scene! And with Neeliz? Ooo yum" --- Matt Hyde

Quote #747: "How about backing up onto my erect penis, Mr Stiff Nipples?" --- Baron Kenneth von Lowe

Quote #750: "I know that's wrong of course, but I just dislike logic." --- Björn Paulsen wackylacing Guardian2000

Quote #751: "Eat my shit! I like making fun of you, and I'm going to keep doing it as long as I derive pleasure from it." --- Kynes

Quote #757: "Aren't we Homo Sapiens Sapiens? I believe that means "The Man who Thinks he's Thinking"" --- Dalton

Quote #758: "Do not meddle in the affairs of Lumps, for they are always angry and never subtle." --- Dalton

Quote #794: "Since I'm a never-been-anywhere-near-the-armed-forces-wuss, I can happily give out my Serial Number, however, which probably translates to something like "Large Jar Coffee, 50% Off Special Offer"" --- DMZ

Quote #807: "That's just a vicious rumor started by my socks. It's their revenge for me using them to floss my asscrack." --- Chuck

Quote #828: "Go and shave your bag hairs off with a belt sander" --- LT.Hit-Man

Quote #835: "Don't bother picking out your tomb stone coffin breath, when I'm done with you they'll be scraping up what's left of you with a damp rag." --- LT.Hit-Man

Quote #853: "Yes, most people do point and laugh at iBooks, what's your point?" --- The Baron

Quote #854: "The Terminex wars of the twenty-first century left few survivors..." --- Chuck

Quote #855: "Please use punctuation. In the middle of reading that post, my brain ran out of breath." --- Durandal (SD.net)

Quote #856: "I've spent more money on hookers than I have on weapons." --- Strowbridge

Quote #857: "Stupidity is the only crime in the world that tends to exact its own justice." --- Darth Wong (SD.net)

Quote #858: "What do you expect? It's Georgia! Where the family trees have no branches, creationism is bound to take hold. " --- Mike Wong (SD.net)

Quote #863: "*joins the rest of the newsgroup in prostratrating himself on the floor and singing hymns to Wesley the Small God*" --- Björn Paulsen

Quote #864: "I still have that footage of the exploding Viagra sheep..." --- Björn Paulsen

Quote #866: "I like Wars more, but mostly because New Trek(tm) sucks ass. Give me the old days when men were men, women wore miniskirts, and shit was blown up." --- SirNitram

Quote #877: "Ah, she's just fucked in the head. What she needs is to get fucked elsewhere. The really dirty kind of fuck, where you hear yourself screaming things that would be censored on HBO." --- Mike Wong (from SD.net)

Quote #878: "Sad thing is, when I started here in '97, I weighed 165 lbs now I'm 240 lbs. I've gained an entire midget!" --- Tyralak

Quote #886: "I've got UHF on DVD and a wife with big tits." --- Chuck

Quote #887: "[...] nothing beats a breast you can fit perfectly in your mouth." --- C.S.Strowbridge

Quote #898: "I would untie my penis from around my waist. Actions speak louder than words." --- The Baron

Quote #906: "Rule #1 Never let the facts stand in the way of a good witch hunt." --- Spyder

Quote #927: "Microwaveable Karma: What goes around comes around, but now in less than five minutes!" --- Chuck

Quote #937: "That's like asking a guy "could you kindly put your dick into this meat grinder?"" --- Stormbringer (SD.net) - on asking someone to visit DarkStar's site

Quote #941: "Rob you post one more insulting thing on there towards me and I swear I'll think of something" --- RayCav

Quote #943: "Rabid Fivers tend to engage in dick measuring contests by complaining, "But I'm not fully erect yet!" whenever the final measure determines that theirs is the smallest." --- Durandal (SD.net)

Quote #950: "This kicks a huge amount of ass. It lines asses up on the wall, and kicks them one by one with steel toed boots." --- Tyralak

Quote #959: ""He fell on some bullets, sir."" --- Chuck

Quote #962: "Don't make Dalton giggle, I could feel the tremors sitting in my doughnut shop next door." --- Ted (SD.net)

Quote #963: "Of course, semen doesn't get along well with open wounds, either..." --- KaLEv (SD.net)

Quote #968: "I'll look it up in the Freudian handbook, but I believe it actually means that you hate your father, have subconscious sexual thoughts about your mother, and your only salvation is swift treatment with cocaine. " --- Pablo Sanchez

Quote #976: "All I know about New York is Seinfeld and images of it being destroyed by giant insects in old B-movies." --- Chuck (SD.net)

Quote #979: "My roommate uses ME, voluntarily." --- C.S.Strowbridge

Quote #995: "Mr. Hipper, could I, in real life, achieve autofellatio, I wouldn't be a future educator. I'd be in pornographic freak shows getting paid to do what I love." --- RedImperator, the future of America (SDnet)

Quote #996: "I'm performing precision guided booze strikes on my liver as we speak." --- RedImperator declaring war on himself (SDnet)

Quote #1002: "ARMINIUS IS NOT DEAD! HE IS LIVING IN MY BACKYARD, KICKING IT AND DRINKING ALL MY POOL WATAR!" --- Kuja goes on a bender (SDnet)

Quote #1004: "God knows that if newbies stop making shitty threads, the terrorists have already won." --- KaLEv (SDnet)

Quote #1005: ""Hi honey Im.....why are you sucking some strange man in our bed while the dog licks your peanut butter smeared anus" soul destroying bitch type break up...." --- Sokar (SDnet)

Quote #1006: "Don't give me your fallacious fallacies." --- Nathan F (SDnet)

Quote #1009: "This is ASVS. Embrace the insanity or perish." --- Marina O'Leary

Quote #1010: "I can almost hear you furiously pleasuring yourself from here." --- Mike Wong vs. fgalkin (SDnet)

Quote #1012: "I was going to read through that. Then I realized when I was done, I'd have a headache, I'd be five minutes closer to dying than I was in the beginning, and I'd have wasted perfectly good masturbation time." --- RedImperator (SDnet)

Quote #1019: "Don't you know all of us TOS fans are warsies because we don't take communion at the altar of shit assembled by Berman & Bragga." --- Colin Brian Witz (SDnet)

Quote #1021: "It's the tutu that makes the picture." --- DPDarkPrimus (SDnet)

Quote #1023: "Heh, wasn't there someone who thought that Ein actually was a woman? One of our disposable morons, I think." --- Spanky the Dolphin (SDnet)

Quote #1032: "When all the women are forced to cover up in public, is there really anything worth fighting for? I mean, when you get back home all you have to greet you are hairy men and camels." --- Wicked Pilot (SD.net)

Quote #1039: "I go to SD.net, you think I'm afraid of freaks?" --- DPDarkPrimus (AIM)

Quote #1047: "I'm sure a lot of Koreans are women." --- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (SDnet)

Quote #1049: "Holy shit, the slit is suppost to be in front. All this time I thought it was a way to ventilate your asscrack. Excuse me for a second while I reposition my undies." --- Wicked Pilot (SDnet)

Quote #1050: "Hey, cut them a little slack. They're a 'warrior' race, not an 'intelligent warrior' race." --- Kuja on the Klingons (SDnet)

Quote #1052: "Shep acts like he verbally assaults people in his sleep." --- SPOOFE (SDnet)

Quote #1077: "The first book was allright. The rest progressively fellated their way through the ranks of the animal kingdom." --- Björn Paulsen

Quote #1069: "Besides, an elf is just a human with funny ears in terms of looks. Now if you look at the xenomorph from Alien and think "Penis goes there!" you have problems." --- GrandAdmiralPrawn (SDnet)

Quote #1074: "Yeah, we're all gay for Legolas, sweet cheeks, although if I was going to give up my cherry for anyone, it probably be Aragorn. Everytime he pushes those doors open in Helms Deep I question my sexual orientation." --- Neolith (Burning Light)

Quote #1075: "I would think that having a tattoo of Janeway upon one's back is, with regards to one's sex life, rather like jumping into freezing lake after you've seen a 500 pound woman naked urinating on someone; you just aren't feeling "up to it" anymore." --- Raven Ford

Quote #1082: "Ooooh, your ego is SO big. It gets me hot just thinking about it." --- Ryan Spickard

Quote #1088: "Bah, badgers dancing and singing about themselves pales in comparison to vaginas erupting with pink foam. In my world, when talking degrees of weirdness, everything pales in comparison to vaginas erupting with pink foam." --- Zaia (SDnet)

Quote #1089: "I'd like Shep to name one person on this forum that doesn't wank off to something. If we never wanked, we'd go crazy and dip banana sausage in hot liquid fudge" --- Hamel the Insane (SDnet)

Quote #1092: "No, you just jumped all over him like a Ethopian famine victim on a twinkie." --- Stormbringer

Quote #1093: "The reason why Zaia may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer is that Kelly used all the others to stab her in the back" --- Stravo

Quote #1094: "So Fundie girls are prostitutes that accept payment in souls rather then dollars?" --- Sir Sirius

Quote #1095: "This isn't a "hey ur cool" celebratory fellatio like the Emmy's." --- Pablo on the GSDAs

Quote #1099: "Given that Einy is already the gayest denizen of the dank pit of destruction that is SD.Net, I doubt anyone will notice him being more flaming." --- SyntaxVorlon (SDnet)

Quote #1101: "Absolute power has corrupted us absolutely and there's nothing you can do about it!" --- RedImperator (SDnet)

Quote #1104: "Seven ladies, seven pairs of boobies--and everyone's a winner!" --- Zaia

Quote #1106: "I'm happy to have left my mark in a way that cannot be used against me in a court of law." --- SyntaxVorlon (SDnet)

Quote #1109: "Congratulations, the diploma certifying that you are not a fucking moron is in the mail." --- Pablo Sanchez

Quote #1125: "Alas, a lesson learned; Do not throw bones to horny SD Netizens, for they have bones of their own." --- Joe (SDnet)

Quote #1128: "I come here for the love dodecahedrans and stay for the perverted lesbian anecdotes." --- SyntaxVorlon coins SDnet's new slogan

Quote #1130: "Some how, just some how, I knew it would eventually come down to changling sex." --- Jeremy with a not-surprising-at-all revelation

Quote #1132: "if 90% of men admit to masturbating, that just proves 10% of men are liars." --- Darth Wong

Quote #1134: "Sex is like pizza. Anything you do to it is good, but it's basically pizza. You can pile on all the toppings you want, but it's still basically pizza." --- Superman (SDnet)

Quote #1136: "How can a state that is home to New Orleans, Mardi Gras, and drive through Daiquiri huts, and the clap hold on to all the fundies? I could never figure that out." --- Col. Crackpot on Louisiana (SDnet)

Quote #1139: "What the real question should be, is if you can tell the difference between creamy white clam chowder and creamy white man chowder." --- Knife (SDnet)

Quote #1140: "I dedicate this erection to GIL HAMILTON!" --- KaLEv (SDnet)

Quote #1142: "When submitting quotes, please try to make sure they're at least funny." --- Dalton

Quote #1144: "Legends do tell of the Zaia-wannabees... not to be confused with the Zaia Wallabees, who do feminist versions of Planet of the Apes. " --- The Lumberjack

Quote #1145: "It appears that I hijacked my own thread in the OP... oh, well..." --- SirSirius (SDnet)

Quote #1146: "*broods, fingers steepled* yessssss, more souls for my necrotic arm-errrr, Tea Party. I mean Tea Party. Honest! " --- Tasoth (SDnet)

Quote #1148: "My only experience wth oral sucked." --- Alyrium Denryle (SDnet)

Quote #1171: "Marina's genius makes me feel tiny. And I don't just mean my penis." --- Spanky the Dolphin (SDnet)

Quote #1176: "Am I that fucked up that my life long deam consists of being nominated for a list called the FUQ? [Yes. --Ed.]" --- Mutant Headcrab (SDnet)

Quote #1185: "God retired from smiting when Spetznaz was formed." --- Admiral Valdemar (SDnet)

Quote #1186: "Incidentally, God was a fluffy pink elephant, but I cannot prove it even though I assume it is real. The nearest galaxy is also made of chocolate." --- Admiral Valdemar (SDnet)

Quote #1187: "Go to Bangkok and spring a woody at the girls and the girls will spring woodies right back." --- Admiral Valdemar (SDnet)

Quote #1191: "...it's all up to Dalton. He is the God of FUQing, after all. *smokes cigarette*" --- Zaia (SDnet)

Quote #1193: "btw, girlfriends don't end in .jpg" --- AnimeJet (AIM)

Quote #1197: "BACK, FELINE FIEND! BACK! *masturbates*" --- Darth Yoshi (SDnet)

Quote #1200: "I support neither Bush in office nor bush on vagina." --- Wicked Pilot (SDnet)

Quote #1202: "I'm not stealing panties: I'm rescuing them." --- Spanky The Dolphin (SDnet)

Quote #1203: "Possibly the most boring science fiction arthur this side of Clarke." --- HemlockGrey (SDnet)

Quote #1207: "Don't be ridiculous. There was no asteroid. Dinosaurs obviously died because activist dino-judges legalized gay dino-marriage, thus bringing down God's wrath upon them. DON'T LET THE SAME THING HAPPEN TO US!!!!" --- Darth Wong (SDnet)

Quote #1226: "You can't apply logic and critical thinking to the vagina." --- Superman (SDnet)

Quote #1228: "Yeah, but this is all out of proportion- theres like 8 people and the best we can do is anal sex." --- The Aliens (SDnet Chat)

Quote #1229: "Witty. Coherent. Funny. Startling contrast to that bumbling wonder-chimp in there right now." --- Vympel on Reagan and W

Quote #1232: "This is StarDestroyer.Net. Probing is what we do." --- Darth Wong

Quote #1233: "AdultFIENDfinder? Oooh! Any chance of some hot succubus action?" --- Evil Sadistic Bastard (SDnet)

Quote #1234: "There are lots of different kinds of love: love for a sibling, love for a child, love for a spouse, etc. These relationships are all very different, except in Alabama." --- Darth Wong

Quote #1236: "If the gov't won't allow tits on TV, I suggest they get rid of Bush." --- Admiral Valdemar (SDnet)

Quote #1238: "I have robust tits!" --- Starship Titanic (SDnet)

Quote #1240: "This e-mail contains an attached executable (BLOWJOB.EXE). This blow job may contain a virus and be harmful to your penis. Do you wish to continue?" --- Durandal

Quote #1241: "By focusing my Chi, I have blown through brick walls with my ejaculate. The US government has classified my penis as a weapon, and I can't travel to foreign countries or fuck foreign women. Having that kind of firepower isn't as grand as it sounds." --- Durandal

Quote #1247: "The ass is a deal-breaker. Even if everything else on the girl is perfect, I can't abide a flat ass. I want my ghetto-booty, dammit." --- Durandal

Quote #1252: "Dude, you got schooled by fucking Peter Pan." --- Howedar (SDnet)

Quote #1253: "We are the CDC. Lower your answering machines and take the damn survey. Your behavioral risk factors will be added to our database. Resistance is futile and pissing me off." --- SirNitram

Quote #1254: "How good of us. We'd be gracious enough to only mangle their feet instead of blowing them off. Is this the "compassionate conservatism" I've been hearing so much about?" --- Durandal

Quote #1262: "...we need lesbian dolphins with coral strapons having sex with asian men at seaworld." --- Captain Tycho (SDN Chat)

Quote #1263: "You need mood music to jack off now? Should I light some scented candles too, maybe cuddle with myself afterwards?" --- RedImperator

Quote #1265: "This is the end, when we apply rational debating to dicks." --- Ace Pace

Quote #1267: "I caught a few minutes of the RNC, and I must say that for party as strongly anti gay as they get, the Republicans sure have been engaging in a massive amount of cocksucking." --- Wicked Pilot

Quote #1268: "How the internet existed before Daltonator.net is still not known." --- Chardok

Quote #1269: "Never underestimate the ignorance of Granolacis Liberalis, better known as the Damn Dirty Hippy." --- Stormbringer

Quote #1270: "OMFG.... They gave Ann Coulter a stick? That's just stupid. Disarm that woman!" --- Bugsby

Quote #1271: "People in groups are idiots. That's why nerds are smart, they're anti-social." --- Durandal

Quote #1272: "I tend to think Star Wars shielding is rather stronger than my pants." --- KaLEv

Quote #1276: "As for ECM, it CAN'T HIDE THE PLANET. It's too damn big, what are you gonna do, launch decoys?" --- Thirdfain

Quote #1278: "RAW, RIGHT OFF THE BONE. FUCK IT, BRING THE COW IN HERE." --- Dalton

Quote #1299: "Texas is awesome, the only problem is that it's filled with Texans." --- Wicked Pilot

Quote #1300: "We could bukkake someone in effigy." --- KaLEv

Quote #1306: "Also, in light of Thirdfain's costume, I have decided to go as a combination drink and Roman Emperor, Orange Julius Caesar!" --- Hotfoot

Quote #1308: "Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found the pizza, and bring me the anchovies-I want them ALIVE!" --- Wayne Poe

Quote #1319: "Cast iron guts? What are you, one of darkstars mutant metal skeleton people?" --- Mutant Headcrab

Quote #1322: "And Cairber, don't apologise to darthdavid; just put a glass over him, slide an envelope underneath, and release him out the door." --- Utsanomiko

Quote #1324: "Listen me and brain are not on speaking terms at moment. Please un go away not now and will I return then." --- Cmdrwilkens

Quote #1329: "He turned 19 and died." --- Kuroneko, in the "what happened to 18-till-I-die" thread

Quote #1330: "You mean give a 2nd Lieutenant a weapon, do you really think the Air Force is *that* crazy?" --- Wicked Pilot

Quote #1332: "How to stop an errection from happening.....Jeeeeeesus! Just put in it for fucks sakes!" --- BoredShirtless

Quote #1343: "They'd make great watch dogs. They'd watch the burglars come in. Then they'd watch the burglars take all our stuff. And then they'd watch the burglars leave." --- Lusankya

Quote #1344: "My ex-wifes family were always breaking chairs because they'd pretty much kamikaze their butts into them." --- Flakin

Quote #1346: "Concession accepted your the reading abilities." --- Imperial Overlord

Quote #1349: "We don't see that level of excellence around here because people who migrated from ASVS are better than other people at SDN. There are too many of you mongoloids and you dilute our good work." --- Pablo Sanchez

Quote #1353: "Had they shown this ad last year, before TO's arrival, the Eagles reciever would have dropped the woman." --- HemlockGrey

Quote #1354: "Good Christians share their crack." --- Captain_Cyran

Quote #1355: "Steering is for those afraid of adventure." --- Sea Skimmer

Quote #1362: "Its like somebody mixed up chocolate, peanut butter, and blowjobs and is selling it as a candy bar." --- Aron Kerkhof, about Star Wars game

Quote #1373: "You want colorful shit? Just eat cheap jelly beans. Last easter my shit came in colors so festive that I wanted to jump in the bowl and join the party." --- Col. Crackpot

Quote #1374: "IIRC the 200 Gt is for Acclamator's MTL's not HTL's, so 20 year old transport would assrape a GCS so badly that it would be felt even in Starfleet Command." --- Lord Revan

Quote #1377: "Big words hurt Robs head. Must shoot computer. Hah, Rob defeats puny Forum." --- Rob Wilson

Quote #1378: "To that I say right on my brotha! We need to break this indoctrination, of isolation, via our participation, so that the black nation, embraces integration, gets an education, cuts down on the incarceration, and though shear intrepidation, become equals among the population." --- Wicked Pilot channels Jesse Jackson

Quote #1379: "Every time someone dies, Fred Phelps celebrates the entry of another soul to hell. When he dies, everyone will celebrate the fact that Earth is rid of him, and that's including his own family. He's certainly abused them enough to earn a special place where the fire is a little bit hotter, the pitchforks a little bit sharper, and the demons enjoy buttsex just a little bit more." --- Mayabird

Quote #1383: "Georgia's problems are complex, but if you have to boil it down to a single root cause, it must be all of the Georgians who live there." --- Darth Wong

Quote #1385: "As someone who works in a Defense firm - yes I can verify that Plaintiff attorneys not only suck the blood of the living but fuck the dead to get warm and remember what it was to be alive. Fuckers." --- Stravo

Quote #1392: "i've had a couple of wierd dreams about the board. For some reason the role of Verilon is always played by Andy Dick." --- Col. Crackpot

Quote #1394: "Yeah but those big ones are great when you can taste the juice coming from the end of it. Now I want one..." --- Superman

Quote #1400: ""The FBI did it, but you can't prove Bush himself was involved!" Pass the buck! Pass the buck! Pass the buck! The buck stops ... there! Quick, look over there!" --- Darth Wong

Quote #1403: "Let this be a lesson to all who stand against SDNet: You will perish. Alone and surrounded by situational homosexuality." --- SirNitram

Quote #1404: "*sigh* I guess only Nitram thinks I'm FUQ-able." --- LadyTevar

Quote #1405: "Kalev, I love you and all, but you are, at times, everything that is wrong in the world." --- Tasoth

Quote #1406: "We had Barbies when I was growing up. Of course we did - it was four girls and no boys in the family. However, in our home Barbie was most likely tied hand and foot, gagged, and run over by toy trains." --- Broomstick

Quote #1409: "The secret Fifth Horseman...Death, War, Famine, Pestilence and Boiiiing" --- Keevan Colton re: Einhander

Quote #1418: "I cannots even brain my thinkster is all gummed up fog! o.O" --- Darth Raptor

Quote #1422: "Atheism isn't a religious belief anymore then "empty" is a type of fuel you have in your gas tank." --- Spyder

Quote #1423: "I regret nothing! I lived as few men dared to dream!" --- Hotfoot

Quote #1424: "Oh yes. I can't tell you how often I've wished I could wake up drowning in the ocean of my own sperm! It'd be a lifetime dream come true!" --- RogueIce

Quote #1435: "Mere resemblance of uniform is not a compelling argument in favor of identical origin, lest one conclude that the US Navy is in fact the militant wing of the US Postal Service." --- Publius

Quote #1436: "Sweet baby Jesus. It seems the evil of SD.net is spreading across the Web like silent, logical, sadistic peanut butter." --- Hemlock Grey

Quote #1449: "Have you been eating retard sanwiches or are you off your meds?" --- Col. Crackpot

Quote #1452: "I declared war on the porcelain today at the gym, and when I was done my iPod started playing the theme from Superman, which I thought was kind of funny." --- Joe

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