The Trials and Tribulations of the 2001 ASVS Whip Election!

ASVS Election Special!

Quote #413 -- C.S.Strowbridge

C.S.Strowbridge, ASVS Dictator for life and Wearer of the Sacred Cod Piece

Quote #414 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Until Chuck gets back, and we finish this election I am the only member of The Committee. Because of this, I think we should change some of the names. Most importantly is ASVS Master, it's just doesn't have the oomph I'm looking for. The new name needs to emphasize the qualifications I bring to the job: 1.) Amazing intelect. 2.) Compassion for my subjects, even the fucking stupid ones I plan on eliminating. 3.) Genital size. I was think Dicktator, any comments?

Quote #419 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Deimos Anomaly: This IS the man who once claimed a TIE Fighter could take a Soveriegn- class starship. A new R&R maintainer is required. Puppeteer: Yeah, I was hoping someone from the ST side would be in these elections. Me: You are an idiot of biblical proportions. [Editors Note: The Election was Kynes vs. Boyd for R&R Maintainer.]

Quote #426 -- C.S.Strowbridge

The Boyd camp should not hold the NG hostage in this time of constitutional crisis. Oh God, we've become Americans!

Quote #427 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Chuck: I should probably emphasize that this is an answer to a hypothetical question, and is not in any way referring to Boyd or his situation. Me: I should probably emphasize that I am in no way diplomatic enough to use hypothetical situations.

Quote #449 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Due to a poorly written law, Kynes and I are also eligible to be nominated. This is either a mistake or a deviously clever ploy for me to assume total power.

Quote #457 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Subject: Re: [FUQ] Update 4/9 Me: Not enough me. Not nearly enough me. I guess that will be fixed when the Election Special section is put up. Dalton: Erm... Me: You are doing an Election Special, right? As the FUQ maintainer and possible ASVS Whip it's the least you could do.

Quote #458 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Subject: Re: Fuck you! Fuck your miles of red tape! Deimos Anomaly: Fuck y'all and your stupid rules, the whole of society, that has these little protocols and petty regulations which people make a fuss about. So MKS declared he was standing for election somewhat late. So? So you guys are saying "he ain't valid". What? Me: Are the rules too complicated for you to understand? If so I'll go over them in as much detail as you need. As for MKSheppard's candidacy there are so many things wrong with it: 1.) No one nominated him. 2.) No one seconded him. 3.) He's not registered. 4.) Etc. Deimos: The United States has (or so I have been led to believe, since I am not a citezen of the same) a policy whereby late standers for election can have write-in ballots and votes on their behalf. Me: Since ASVS is NOT governed by the constitution of the USA it can, and does follow different rules. For instance, we use run off elections not a single vote. Deimos: Why a fucking newsgroup on the internet has to get so tied up with red tape that peopel can't even vote for the guy. The internet (whatever that is :) ) is supposed to be free and open, but this place is starting to look like there's some sort of beurocracy controlling it. Me: WTF's your problem? It's not like it's a difficult process. You get nominated, you get seconded, you accept. 3 different people managed to do that this time around. MKSheppard wasn't one of them. Diemos: ASVS has gone down since I first came to it. Me: Same can be said about you. Deimos: Ah, shit... Me: How's this for a new slogan for The Committee: How can we entrust the rules to people who can't follow them in the first place.

Quote #461 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Chuck: It's no surprise this party was unable to get a candidate on the ballot. "I've got a great idea! Let's ignore all the people saying to nominate candidates right now and instead wait until it's all done and then we can complain!" "Yeah, that's a great idea!!!" "And we'll say the word 'fuck' alot too!" "Fuck yeah!!! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!" "You said it! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck..." Deimos Anomaly: Look, Sheppard didn't even stand for election until the nominations had finished, so how could we nominate him if we didn't know he was standing? Me: So MKSheppard never stated he wanted to run. Who gives a rats ass? Neither did Dalton, Aron, Me, Pablo or O'Farrell. Yet they were all nominated. Others that were nominated include Lord Edam, Jonathan Boyd and Spyda but each of those nominations had major problems, especially Spyda's. If MKSheppard really wanted to run he should have made that known BEFORE nominations closed, not a few days after. But considering his campaign consisted of a TGOD and he hasn't complained about not being a candidate I'm going to conclude he doesn't really care. At least he doesn't care as much as you do. And if you really wanted MKSheppard as ASVS Whip then YOU should have nominated him. Not sit on your god damn ass doing NOTHING and them fucking bitch when you don't get your way. Fucking retarded. Deimos Anomaly: This place needs a good revolution. The mere fact that there is a "nomination period" after which candidates will be invalid indicates that there is a beurocracy in place. Don't try to deny it. You will find that you can't. (And hell yeah beurocracies are evil monsters) Me: Go to hell you worthless piece of shit. You are just as useless a debater in this as you are with Star Wars vs. Star Trek. Two points: 1.) This 'beurocracy' as you call it is a three step process. And these steps don't even have to happen in a specific order. Facts you can't deny. 2.) Definitions for 'beurocracy', or as it is more accurately spelt, 'bureaucracy' vary. But two key elements arise often: i) Large and Complex ii) Run by un-elected officials Gee, that just about eliminates ASVS doesn't it. Now, if you want to deal with the facts we can continue. On the other hand, if you just want to continue whining you can fuck off. I can explain the rules (again) and I can even explain why they are in place. But I doubt you care, you didn't get your way and your extreme level of immaturity prevents you for engaging in a constructive discussion which might lead to better results next time.

Quote #533 -- Everyone

On the AVF: Deimos: It is hereby announced that a new paramilitary organisation, the Asvs Volunteer Force, is being formed to counter the wicked and unjust reign of the council under the sinister Kynes/Strowbridge/Dalton triumverate. Kynes: Good. I like it when things are created that center on me. Do you guys need some webspace? Me: You can always count on Deimos for some good ego-stroking. I probably could have worded that better. *** Deimos Anamoly: To become a proud and loyal member of the AVF, insert the Declaration of Independance into your signature. Me: Sounds like a plan! I wonder how long it takes before I lead the AVF too. *** Deimos: I feel it can be only a matter of time before you fall. Me: Fall from where? I have no power, other than two imaginary Titles. 1.) ASVS Master 2.) Leader of the AVF. (That was a quick!) *** Deimos: It is obvious that you cannot belong to or support, never mind lead, an organisation in whose manifesto is open opposition to the council, whilst at the same time you are stongly supportive of said council. The two positions are mutually exclusive. People will see this contradiction and realise the idiocy of such a position. Me: Oh I think people will clearly see the idiocy of this situation. *** Chuck: Your cause can never triumph, because you have an acronym within an acronym. Thus it is doomed to failure due to confusion. DMZ: But surely ASVSVF would sound ridiculous? Me: Everything Deimos says sounds ridiculous. *** Chuck: Yes, I threw all my support behind Strowbridge. The election, thus being, 2-1 in his favor, resulted in his election. Congratulations Strowbridge on a spritied whirlwind campaign! Me: And to make the victory official I have downloaded the celebratory porn. ... Sweet jeez, those are going cause lower back pain later in like. *** The Third Man: I have formally split from the AVF and formed a splinter group. Me: SPLITTER! The Third Man: This will be known as the AVF Revolutionary Faction or ARF and gives me a doubly-embedded acronym*. I call on all those previously loyal to the AVF (or not) to splinter away from my new organisation immediately. * - my 3-letter acronym when fully expanded is "alt.startrek.versus.starwars volunteer force revolutionary faction" - a total of 66 characters, for a compression ratio of 22:1 or 95.5% Me: Fine. I'm going to rename the AVF the AAA, which stands for the Anti-ARF Army which stands for the Anti-AVF Revolutionary Faction Army which stands for the Anti ASVS something something revolutionary something army, which stands for something even longer. By my calculation the total is 3,297 characters. But I have been awake since 1:00 am so my calculation may be a little off. *** As of 6:04 pm local time the AVF has split into the Pro C.S.Strowbridge faction and the Pro Deimos faction and a brutal war as ensued. Casualties are expected to be extremely low seeing as neither side has any weapons and live on nearly opposites ends of the Earth. [Update] The Pro Deimos side have suffered an embarrassing defeat when it was discovered by the very charter that all forces not belonging to C.S.Strowbridge automatically lose in all wars. *** Pablo: I propose that we follow up our self-ratification by voting ourselves out of existence! Me: Ok, all in favour to vote ourselves out of existence shout "Donkey Porn" out the nearest window. *** [On the ASVSCIOoCaC] As official leader of both this organization (There's was a vote to decide this, really.) and AVF I have decided to merge these organizations into one super uprising. Since the original goals of both organizations are mutually exclusive we must come up with a new goal. Namely, getting the entire female cast of Buffy naked and in my bed. I think this is a goal we can all get behind. *** Pablo: As the AVF is an organization founded on democracy and freedom, I am putting the following item to vote. No E-Mails will be given to Strowbridge, to ensure that there will be no bias. Item One: Should the AVF vote itself out of existence? All in favor, vote aye. AYE! Me: Wait a minute. Who can vote in this vote? Only members of AVF? Everyone on the NG? We must decide who can vote before we can vote on whether to desolve the AVF. Tell ya what. I'll act as the AVF Master and organize the votes. Kynes will write all the results down in a document called the AVF R&R. I guess that would make him the AVF R&R Maintainer. And Dalton will ... hmmm. ... Anywho, everyone send me how you think the voting system should be handles and will go from there. *** Spyda: I have already got the Hooters girls to join GwBTACSGsaAKSDAoAadmmgta, "or Girls with Big Tits Against Cheesy Splinter Groups such as Anti-Kynes-Strowbridge-Dalton Army of Assassins and don't mind me grabbing their arse." Me: Well Ha and double Ha. I have formed a coalition, under my incredulous leadership, of the three splinter groups that use three-letter acronyms (AVF, ARF and the AAA) under the name TAA^3 which stands for TAAAA which stands for Three Letter Acronym Army of A Cubed which stands for Three Letter Acronym Army of AVF ARF and AAA which stands for Three-Letter Acronym Army of the alt.startrek.vs.starwars Voluntary Force the alt.startrek.vs.starwars Voluntary Force Rebellion Fraction and the Anti alt.startrek.vs.starwars Voluntary force Rebellion Fraction Army. Unfortunately, the cost of printing the name on the napkins for our bar bankrupted the organization. But we will return again. ***

Quote #536 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Subject: Re: [FAQ] The Council Has No Power Dalton: Anyone who thinks otherwise is merely seeking attention. Me: But don't you see Dalton, that's our power. We can attract a LOT of attention, mostly unwanted. Some might ask the question, 'Then why do you want these jobs?' While I can't speak for Dalton and Kynes my answer is twofold: 1.) EGO! Being the center of attention is a _huge_ boost to my already overwhelming ego. 2.) It needs to be done and no one else wants the job. Without the FAQ, R&R, Previous Threads, etc. this newsgroup wouldn't be able to hold a single debate. Without the order they bring we'd be no better then a bunch of dirty hippies living in a commune smoking dope, growing organic veggies, putting flowers in our hair and having sex I call Raven. So we all can see what an important job we do, and I think we should be rewarded. What do you say, Raven?

Quote #540 -- C.S.Strowbridge

That's why I like the elections to take place in January. Late in June I could call each voter a brainless sack of festering camel dung. In July there would be a HUGE flame war but by August is would peter out. September would bring season premieres and the renewed on topic debates arrive in October. November sweeps would cause something stupid to happen on Star Trek and by December the mindless sheep that are the voters would forget about my little episode in June and reelect me in January. And my undisputed domination of ASVS continues unopposed.

Quote #551 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Ok, as you know we must have an election to replace Chuck as ASVS Whip. Here are the three people nominated, seconded and accepted: 1.) Rob "The Human Hemorrhoid" Dalton 2.) Aron "Infected Cold Sore" Kerkhof 3.) C.S. "Vote for Me" Strowbridge I encourage all of the registered voters, or unregistered debaters, to ask questions of these three wonderful candidates. (Ok, 1 wonderful candidate and 2 barely human slime balls.) You can either direct the question at an individual or to all candidates. When directing questions to Dalton or Aron use small words so they can understand. Please ask all questions in this thread. C.S.Strowbridge, ASVS Master and all round great guy. P.S. For those of you upset by the above please look up 'humor' in the nearest available dictionary.

Quote #552 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Servants of Tulzscha (Me): Question to C.S. "Vote for Me" Strowbridge Why are you such a great guy? Me: Cause I'm me. Thank you for such a good question.

Quote #553 -- C.S.Strowbridge

pjmcgurk: This goes to all 3 candidates: Why would you make a better whatever it is your running for than all other other candidates ? Me: We are running for ASVS Whip. The Whip welcomes newbies and make sure everyone knows where the FAQ, R&R, etc. are. As for why I would make a better ASVS Whip the reasons are many. Firstly, I'm not a sex crazed perfect who's been driven half mad by syphilis. Secondly, I'm me. Lastly, I have an innate ability to make people feel welcome. Just after lastly, I've done the job in the past.

Quote #554 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Oops, almost forgot to insult my fellow candidates here: Sluts!

Quote #555 -- C.S.Strowbridge

pjmcgurk: Next: What do you make of the statement "Prytt territory is shielded by a high energy forcefield" ? Me: It is difficult to precisely determine what the meaning of this statement is. But certain things can be stated as a certainty, others are possibilities. 1.) There is a territory called Prytt. 2.) Dalton couldn't out think a stuffed Iguana. 3.) The Prytt territory is protected by a force field. 4.) Aron would make an unreliable ASVS Whip due to his little <SNIFF!> problem. 5.) The force field is referred to as High Energy. However, we don't know if that refers to a power rating or a specific type. I.E. the field could be a plasma shield (using high energy particles) of relatively low power OR it could be a Gravametric Shields (using low energy particles) of a relatively high power. 6.) Everyone should vote for me. 7.) Even if it is High Power it could just be high power in relation to what is expected in that territory, theatre, conflict, universe, etc.

Quote #556 -- C.S.Strowbridge

pjmcgurk: This goes to all 3 candidates: Why would you make a better whatever it is your running for than all other other candidates ? Dalton: Firstly, because I embrace the broad range of topics and attitudes that make up ASVS, from hardcore debate to merciless TGOD. Me: Hmm, unable to focus. Dalton: I get along well with most other people. Me: Is that why you called the voters a bunch of mindless sheep? Dalton: I can slice, dice and julienne fries. Me: I can bake meringue pies! Dalton: I have a lemony-fresh scent. Me: I also have a cent too. A nice shinny penny, and I'll give one to each voter that votes for me. Dalton: Secondly, I am not of a bovine intelligence Me: Don't talk about Aron like that! Dalton: Thirdly, and most importantly, who's the guy that did the Paul Garrak Institute with the former Whip, eh? Me: This is true. Dalton also does the FUQ and the FanFic Web Site. One might say he has enough on his plate already. Also he's much too busy to be ASVS Whip.

Quote #557 -- C.S.Strowbridge

pjmcgruk: This goes to all 3 candidates: Why would you make a better whatever it is your running for than all other other candidates ? Aron Kerkhof: Chuck has been secretly training me in his top secret Whip labratory for the last six months. Yes, it's everybit as painful as you can possibly imagine. Me: Uh, I saw tapes of Chuck 'training' you and while I admit it looked painful it won't help you in your duties as ASVS Whip.

Quote #558 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Aron: I can kick Rob or SB's ass. And think about Strowbridge's initials. SB? Me: Huh? I do you take Christopher Scott Strowbridge and get the initials SB? Seriously? How'd that work? I'm confused and disoriented.

Quote #559 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Aron Kerkhof: The Case Against Strowbridge Me: I feel it is my duty to set the record straight. Aron: Come on. He's already an unsufferable ass. Me: So far so good. Aron: Can you imagine him making up 2/3's the committee by himself? Of course not, the human mind can only comprehend so much horror. Me: As far as I can tell it's still accurate. The horror would be uncomprehendable, but since your tiny minds can't comprehend it it won't bother you. Aron: I think we all know of someone else that made up 2/3rds of a committee all by himself. That's right, Hitler. Me: Who was the other third? Aron: Do you want to elect Hitler? Me: Since this is my second term as ASVS Master I guess the people of ASVS want to! Aron: Well, elect him again for another position anyway? Nah, you want to vote for me. A nice guy. Me: A nice guy? After want you did to those poor boy scouts you have a lot of balls calling yourself a nice guy. Aron: I'm impartial. I hate everyone Me: Well that's a strange admission to make in a campaign. Aron: And you can't vote for poor Rob. He does so much already. Do you want him to forever drop off the Sad Git list? Do you? Don't be a bastard, he lives for his spot on the list. Me: This is true. Poor Rob would just die if he didn't make it in the SGotM list. Aron: In conclusion, Strowbridge sits down to pee. Me: Not true! Aron: He wears women's panties. Me: I only do that for the comfort. Aron: He supports female genital mutilation. Me: Liar! Aron: He boils baby goats in their own mothers milk, Me: Hey, it tastes good. Aron: and even God, the guy threatening to strew his enemies entrails upon the ground like 'so much dung' every other day thinks that's cruel. Me: Too cruel for God. What an endorsement. Aron: He voted Buchannon. AND he's Canadian. Me: How can a Canadian vote Buchannon? Aron: What the hell is Canada good for now that the X-Files pulled out Me: We're still the first nation of Hockey. Aron: (besides Mr. Dice, of course)? Me: Suck up! Aron: He talked Bush out of the Kyoto treaty, Me: I support global warming, is that so wrong. Aron: and pulled the emergency blow lever on the submarine that killed all of those preschool Japanese kids. Me: That wasn't me! I have an alibi! Aron: And thats not the worst emergency blow he's done on board a navel vessel either, if you know what I mean. Me: I RECEIVED emergency blows, I've never done them. God bless the Co-Ed navy! Speaking of which I must call in Ensign Deekup for a little discipline. He he. Aron: You just can't trust a man like that. Me: SB? Aron: Vote Kerkof in '01 Because the Others are Goddamn Fruits. Me: Could a fruit serve in the US Navy? I don't think so. Me: C.S.Strowbridge, A real man for a position with no real power.

Quote #560 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Stuart Mackey: Which proves that Mr Strowbridge's claims are baseless and totally without any foundation in truth, Me: I'm detecting a slight bias in the news coverage. Damn liberal media.

Quote #561 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Pablo Sanchez: Throughout the years 1999 and 2000, Strowbridge was indicted in multiple scandals. Me: You say that like it's a bad thing!

Quote #562 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Pablo: so that they could bathe ASVS is chaos and damnation. Me: And that would differ from the norm how?

Quote #563 -- C.S.Strowbridge

I commented, but not fast enough for you guys. You're too used to Rob 'I suffer from premature Ejactu-Oops' Dalton.

Quote #564 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Pablo: VOTE FOR DALTON Me: The VD Party? Sounds like a fun time.

Quote #565 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Pablo Sanchez: I would agree with Mr. Kerkoff on Strowbridge's sexual predilections. The 'Vote for Dalton, Peons' Foundation has obtained several videotapes of his exploits, which I was unable to watch without puking. (Buy one for $12.99!) Me: I swear you couldn't tell she was 11.

Quote #566 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Pablo Sanchez: He also likes to watch History IQ. Me: It's a good show! If you do not learn from history your are destined to repeat it. That's why I never learn from sex.

Quote #567 -- C.S.Strowbridge

I have not lied once in this election. I've lied at least a dozen times.

Quote #568 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Me: Hmm, unable to focus. Dalton: No, able to focus on a broad range of subjects, which is more than you can claim. Me: Hey, I can focus on MANY broads at once! Dalton: Easily distracted! Me: And your not distracted by beautiful women? That would explain the photos I have of you and Aron playing slap and tickle.

Quote #569 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Dalton: Secondly, I am not of a bovine intelligence Me: Don't talk about Aron like that! Dalton: You still think you're Aron? Me: God no, I have a MUCH higher opinion of myself.

Quote #570 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Stuart Mackey: An investigation into Mr Strowbridges election activties, with emphasis on bribery have been dropped by ASVS police. Rumour has it that bribes were involved in this decision, and several members of the anti corruption squad have been seen with brand new cars and moving to new upmarket housing. Me: I think this is a full vindication of any and all scandals I have been the center of past, present and future.

Quote #571 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Look at that. Dalton just called Aron lower that TOWNMNBS! That's a new low for an already low campaign. I think the voters in ASVS will not stand for this kind of mud slinging. Because of this I promise to run a cleaner campaign and I will not spread those rumors about Aron beating up nuns and stealing their rosary beads to buy smack. Other rumors I won't spread: - Dalton can't get sexually aroused unless he's masturbating into other people's food. - Aron sold secret war document's to the nazis during W.W.II. - Dalton has a third nipple, an obvious sign that he's in league with the devil A.K.A. Brannon Braga. - Aron watches every episode of Voyager, even the repeats. AND, he thinks ST:V is the best movie in the series! I will keep the voters informed of any more rumors I won't spread as the campaign continues.

Quote #572 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Dalton: Propaganda and lies, from a known felon! Me: No, my felonies were carefully covered up. ... Oops.

Quote #573 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Crayz9000: You've just lost one vote. Me: I think you'll find that come election day you will vote for me no matter what you write on the ballot.

Quote #574 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Dalton: My political system is based on Everyone Gets Laid. Me: Yeah, but by you. Ewww. Dalton: Hey, what finer reward? Me: I stand by my original Ewww.

Quote #575 -- C.S.Strowbridge

I can see the history books now - April 2nd, 2001: The day it Turned Personal

Quote #576 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Stuart Mackey: In the news today, Lord Vir Rog, has supplied ASVS Press with video evidence showing TOWNMNBS performing graphic and sick sexual acts on goats. This whole sordid performance seems to have been done for the personnel sexual gratification of Strowbridge. Me: While I admit it was done for my pleasure it was not sexual in nature. Come on, who here hasn't wanted to see TOWNMNBS ass raped by a goat?

Quote #577 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Stuart Mackey: This is Stuart Mackey for the ASVS Press. 'Deciving the public since 1983' ME: C.S.Strowbridge, Knows how to spell 'Deceiving.'

Quote #578 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Aron Kerhof: Xavier Roberts. Me: Who? Aron Kerkhof: You don't recognize Pure Evil? And you call yourself a Servant of Szechwan. Or was it Kung Pao? Whatever. Me: After a quick net search I have this to say: Unlike my opponents I never played with cabbage patch dolls. And don't mock Tulzscha.

Quote #579 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Aron: I can't help they saw me naked coming out of the camp shower. Sure, they will now never be able to live up to my rediculously high standard of manliness, but they shouldn't have been looking. Me: "Rediculously high standard of manliness?" Is that why you kept reminding them it was a cold day? Aron: No, you just misheard me. I said it would be a "cold day in hell" before any of them had a unit like mine. Me: And they were all VERY happy with that news.

Quote #580 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Aron: We'll let the sheople decide, ok? Me: Sheople? I don't know who he (or she) is or why he (or she) would get to decide for the great people of ASVS. Unless my spell checker is right and you meant Shekel, the monetary unit of Israel since 1980. In which case you just let it slip that you are under control of Zionists and if elected you will force use to convert. I don't think the people of ASVS will stand for that. No pork, kosher salt, can't thresh on the Sabbath, not to mention a certain 'medical' procedure they guys will have to undergo.

Quote #581 -- C.S.Strowbridge

On Aron: Me: His father was a diuretic camel, and his mother worked in human resources! Dalton: ARGH Me: Maybe that part about the Human Resources was a little much.

Quote #582 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Subject: Re: [Election] My Campaign Summary Rob Dalton: VOTE FOR ME, BITCH -- Rob Dalton | "Million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten." ---Terry Pratchett Me: Is this a simple message from a simple-minded candidate, or is this the recipe for pure EVIL? Let's look at the evidence. After using ROT-13 to descramble the message we see the following: ---===--- IBGR SBE ZR, OVGPU -- Ebo Qnygba | uggc://qnygbangbe.arg "Zvyyvba-gb-bar punaprf pebc hc avar gvzrf bhg bs gra." ---Greel Cengpurgg ---===--- Some of you are thinking, "Seems harmless enough." But some of you are clearly morons. Think about this: 1.) The first word, IBGR, is an anagram for Brig, the military term for a jail. 2.) The last word, OVGPU is and anagram for Vogue, a famous fashion magazine. I know what you're thinking, 'WTF? There's no E in OVGPU and no P in Vogue.' The answer to this is simple, Dalton can't spell. In fact his real name is Daltone. What does this all mean? It means if Dalton is elected he will institute impossibly high fashion standards and throw all those who fail into jail! And no matter what you think, none of you can live up to Dalton's high standards. No, not even you Kynes with your Terminator Sunglasses. Oh, and the quote is actually a summoning spell that will release the great old ones from their slumber so they can go on a reign of terror eating the flesh of all those that oppose them. But that's not nearly as important as the Fashion Police.

Quote #583 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Robert A. Healey: Anyone else have a problem with a candidate being the one counting the votes? Me: Not me.

Quote #584 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Subject: [Elections] Last message before the vote Me: This will be my last campaign message before voting starts tomorrow, and it will be semi-serious. Who should you vote for? Well, each candidate proved they have more than enough free time to do the job of ASVS Whip. So I suggest voting for the person who you thought ran the funniest campaign. So remember to vote early, vote often and if you are voting for either Dalton or Aron add a little extra to your vote explaining your decision.

Quote #585 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Endorsements: "I took the initiative in creating the Internet. But it took a great man, C.S.Strowbridge, to fill it with pictures of woman on woman action." - US vice president Al Gore on CNN, March 1999 "I would like to thank the inimitable Robert Dalton for creating a full pornography service all people, regardless of race, creed, or age. In such a new and growing democratic nation such as ourselves, this may prove invaluable." - Thomas Jefferson, 1776. "Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the propagation of pornography. And with this goal in mind, not all men are created equal. C.S.Strowbridge is definitely head and shoulders above the rest." - Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address (1863) "I was all wound up. With all my recent successes I was worried I couldn't live up to my reputation. The pressure was getting to me. Then my assistant, Robert Dalton, told me to relax, go watch a show at the theater. Thanks Rob, you always know what to do." - Abe Lincoln - April 15th, 1865 "Mr. Strowbridge is the only person I know who's too smart for me to understand" - Steven Hawkings - May 1st, 1996 "Being so close to power for so long I didn't think I could handle the transition to one of the powerless loser. That's when my close friend Aron Kerkhof said, 'You could always run for the Senate.' The rest is history." - Hillary Clinton - January 27th, 2001 "Dalton's a kind and generous person. I said I had a bit of a headache and he gave me his last aspirin." - Bruce Lee - July 20th, 1973 "I was depressed. Ratings were low, long time Trekkies were laughing at the show, it was a mess. I seriously thought about quitting. But then Aron told me to stay the course, to hell with what those losers thought. Thanks to his motivational speech I'm sticking with this job till the day I die." - Rick Berman - 1997 "What is there to say about C.S.Strowbridge? Sexier than James Bond, kinder than Saint Francis of Assisi, stronger than any Mr. Universe. If I wasn't so nervous every time I meet him I'd shag him senseless." - Queen Elizabeth the Second - September 23rd, 2000 " ... " - Marcel Marceau - August 21st, 1998

Quote #586 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Subject: [Results] 2001 By-Election Round 1 Me:That's right, round one. There will be at least one more. Results for this round: Dalton - 10 Aron - 9 C.S.Strowbridge - 3 - !!!!! Three? THREE!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! All the work I've done for you and what does it get me? 3 FUCKING VOTES! Two if you don't count mine! What were you people thinking? 'Oh, he's not funny enough to be Whip.' I'll be the one laughing when I rip out your lower intestines and make balloon animals out of them. Oh look, it's a little doggie! He he he.

Quote #587 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Subject: [Vote] 2001 By-Elections - Round 2 Me: The voting begins today. Couple of things to note: 1.) Follow the rules. 2.) If you fail to follow the rules I will invalidate your vote, even if I was the one who told you to break the rules in the first place. 3.) E-MAIL ME YOUR VOTE. 4.) I will have my revenge on all those that didn't vote for me. Your deaths will be legendary for the pain and cruelty.

Quote #588 -- C.S.Strowbridge

If you little fuckers aren't smart enough to pick me as ASVS Whip I might as well tell you who the second best choice is. Your choices are: Aron "I Shot Bambi's Mom" Kerkhof and Rob "I Ate Bambi's Mom" Dalton And clearly if these are your only choices you should choose .... .... Dalton. C.S.Strowbridge P.S. I know where you guys live. I know where you family live. I will avenge this defeat.

Quote #589 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Subject: Re: [Vote] 2001 By-Elections - Round 2 - First Warning Me: Things to keep in mind for this vote: 1.) E-Mail me your vote. 2.) The only choices are Dalton, Kerkhof or Abstain. 3.) Try and spell the candidates name right. Is that too much to ask? 4.) You think I was a bastard as the ASVS Master before! You'd better watch your ass now. You piss me off now, break one rule, ask one dumb question, or any other crap like that, not only will I slam your fat ass into my KF, but I'll hunt you down. I'll bitch slap you into a coma.

Quote #590 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Subject: Re: [Vote] 2001 By-Elections - Round 2 - It's Official Me: Are the rules that complex? Is it really that hard to vote? 1.) E-Mail me your vote, all votes on the NG are ignored. 2.) Just type Dalton, Kerkhof or Abstain. NOTHING ELSE. 3.) It's spelt KERKHOF! K - E - R - K - H - O - F. Not Kirkhof, not Kerhoff, not Kerkhov, etc. 4.) When I get my hand on you bastards that didn't vote for me you will pray for a quick death. I'll do things to you that would make the Marquis de Sade cringe. I'll tie you up and force you to watch me ass rape your grandma with a jackhammer.

Quote #591 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Subject: Re: [Vote] 2001 By-Elections - Round 2 - Second Warning Me: We've got less than 60 votes with little more than 30 hours left. Remember the rules and lock your doors cause I'm coming for you while you sleep.

Quote #592 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Subject: Re: [Vote] 2001 By-Elections - Round 2 - Final Warning Me: Roughly 12 hours to go. Vote now or don't complain when the new ASVS Whip screws up and I have to take over.

Quote #593 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Subject: [Results] ASVS Whip By-Elections - Round Two Me: Result of Round two were as follows: Dalton 11 Aron 6 Abstain 2 Invalid 3 As a result Aron conceded gracefully using the words 'Wacko' and 'Evil.' Of course that was to describe his own supporters. Congratulations Dalton. May your workload grow till I am forced to take over all your duties.

Quote #594 -- C.S.Strowbridge

Dalton: Hello! Rob Dalton here, newly elected to a position of no importance, welcoming all you newbies to alt.startrek.vs.starwars. However, before you get started, it might be a good idea to read the following sites: The Official FAQ: The ASVS R&R: If you're interested in the culture of our little newsgroup, then go ahead and visit these two sites: The ASVS Fanfic Archive: The ASVS FUQ: Again, welcome! ASVS: Come for the flamewars, stay for the fanfic! ---===--- Pablo: /claps First Whip post! Dalton: WOOHOO! Chuck: My little man's all grown up. *sniff* Me: Little? For that matter, Man?

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