iii. Who are these people?!

  1. What's with these guys?
    Which guys?

  2. You know, those guys. Who is Timothy Jones?
    Oh, those guys. Timothy Jones was a blight on the newsgroup who existed only to further the Trekkie agenda with scientific ignoramity and flowery rhetoric. Truly a pathetic individual, he was reviled by almost all. These days he is referred to as TOWNMNBS (The One Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) due to a rash of superstition on the group that if you say his name, he'll come back. There's also another character who appears from time to time and appears to be the SW version of Timmy: Jimothy Tones, skilfully played by the one and only Graeme Dice. Timothy's final manifesto is here.

  3. Almost all?
    Well, there's Paul Jacques. He, in his own words, is a black fanatical mathematical-genius Christian Klingon with a perfect tutoring record. To the rest of us, he's clinically insane. He actually wants to become a martyr for Star Trek. To this end, he's published such ridiculous crap as the NRWD (From whence comes the origin of his nickname "Nerwood," probably coined by Matt Hyde, but most of us just refer to him as "That stupid frog." (Apologies in advance to Naahmah)), Janeway's Surprise and Second Contact. Most of the group simply ignores him, the best solution to shut up a loudmouth, since they thrive on attention. Paul Jacques has also inspired such creations as the Bozon, our new SI unit for stupidity, the microJacques, a term for the strength of a stupidity field, and has starred in one of the greatest Troll Jihad TGODs to date. He refers to Michael Wong as a "mathematical con-man" and comes up with 'conclusive' proof of Star Trek's superiority over Star Wars every few months or so.

  4. Anyone else I should be wary of?
    Most definitely. Paul and TOWNMNBS are only just a sample of the vast zoo of idiots (no, Doomriser, not that other vast zoo of idiots) that pop up in the newsgroup almost daily. You can find examples of past and present morons here.

  5. What does the "C.S." in "C.S.Strowbridge" stand for?
    Christopher Scott.

    And he claimed nobody would ever know.

  6. Who is this Dalton guy, and why does he post so much?
    I am he, God of ASVS and multiple Sad Git of the Month Award winner. And for your second question, well, I'm sure you can figure out that one.

  7. Is there anywhere where I can get a list of the current denizens?
    The most accurate and up-to-date listing can be found here.

  8. What the hell is SpaceBattles?
    SpaceBattles.com is a website dedicated to graphics and animation having to do with science fiction, especially Star Wars, Star Trek and Babylon Five. They have (or had) a forum that includes a Versus board, one which we invaded a while ago. Although tensions have somewhat eased, occasional brush fires break out thanks to loudmouths like Deimos Anomaly, who insists that SpaceBattles is a Nazi-esque Police State. Once upon a time, a website was set up at Geocities, called the SpaceBattles First Freeman's Militia (which SB Ambassador Big Steve called their "little joke") where the webmaster, Anakha, proudly declares that they "hate ASVS with a passion" and claim that "you won't find a larger group of pussies and whiners anywhere on this earth." He wraps it up with a healthy "FUCK YOU!" We at ASVS love you too, Anakha!

    It appeared that later on, however, things became a little hairier than usual, as Moderator Vertigo1 had apparently declared martial law. Also, he posted this message on the Spacebattles First Freeman's Militia Forum, sending his love with this quintessential example of rapier wit:


    Dingo the Infinitely Impressionable followed that up with:

      I think ASVS'ers are one of our cause's to destroy!

      so I destroy it!

      I am A Militia MAN!!!!

    The ever-lovable BigBryan wrapped it up with this:


    I'm sure they all know what we think.

    Update: Apparently, Anakha and his Militia have now designated ASVS as targets of the SB1FM. Hooray for us!

    Update #2: Well, SB1FM appears to be gone. A civil war split SB1FM into two factions. One I'm pretty sure is still around somewhere; I think it was called the Spacebattles Defense Force or something to that effect. The other one I think is gone for good. The forum that they had is also a dead link, so I can only assure you that the above was actually posted. Oh well.

    Update #3: Spacebattles.com has stopped hosting the forums, and they've moved to http://kier.3dfrontier.com/forums/.

    Update #4: Big Steve orchestrated one of the grandest pranks I've ever seen when Mike Wong became a Moderator of the former SB forums for a few days. This was during the infamous Gothmog debate, available at Stardestroyer.net.

  9. What's with this LT.Hit-Man idiot?
    You'd best pray he didn't hear that. LT.Hit-Man has been with the group for a long time, and his odd manner of speech happens to be a personal problem, so don't ask again. He also writes some of the best fanfics out there, though they're usually laden with blood, gore, sex and violence, but he's quite adept at capturing the human element, sometimes to extreme and lethal levels. He and Phong are notorious for demanding copious amounts of good fanfic, and both of them occasionally do reviews, which LT.Hit-Man is quite (in)famous for. Just ask Chris O'Farrell!

  10. Naahmah Asks: Is it just me, or do most of the people at ASVS have a little *cough* bit of an emotional/mental/anger problem?
    That's a good question. First off, remember that we're a group of lonely outcast nerds who spend their time talking about an inane and utterly pointless topic. Also remember that a lot of us spend most of our free time on this topic and this newsgroup. And also remember that as computer geeks we are all absorbing copious amounts of electromagnetic radiation. That being said, I don't have a fucking clue.

  11. Bob Healey Asks: Why are there so many dirty jokes on ASVS? And what's with this Raven person? He/She/It seems to be the center of most of them.
    FACT #1: Naahmah/Raven is a female. In a group full of males.

    FACT #2: 99% of ASVS consists of social outcasts wouldn't know what to do with a woman if they were naked in a bed holding a big sign that said "FUCK ME."

    FACT #3: Raven and Ryan "Atomik Chicken" Spikenard are the first two members of ASVS's first BDSM club.

  12. Doomriser Asks: Why doesn't ASVS, as a collective body, have it's own E-mail address? As in ASVS@Hotmail.com for example?
    That would require more work than we have to do.