[Mark those which apply. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate.] Brought back from RGMW by Andras Otto Schneider Updated for ASVS by Graeme Dice Further monkeyed with by Rob Dalton Recleaned 1/01 by Dice&Dalton Modernized 8/16/02 by Rob Dalton, SirNitram and LT.Hit-Man Dear: [ ] Sir [ ] Madam [ ] Rampant Trekkie [ ] AOLer [ ] Asshole-on-line [ ] Babe [ ] Being that defines the term "Negative value" [ ] Boob [ ] Boor [ ] Caliburn [ ] Clueless Newbie [ ] Communist [ ] Comrade [ ] Conservative [ ] Cud-chewer [ ] Crack Smoking Donkey Fucker [ ] Democrat [ ] Dingleberry [ ] Dumbass [ ] Dweeb [ ] Elvis [ ] "Expert" [ ] Fanboy [ ] Fed [ ] Freak [ ] Geek [ ] Great Man On Campus [ ] Harlot [ ] Hooker [ ] Hypocrite [ ] Idiot Who Can't Shoot Straight [ ] I'm Not Sure What the Hell You Are [ ] Impersonator [ ] Inbred Goat-boy [ ] Jackass [ ] Lamer [ ] Liar [ ] Liberal [ ] "Me too" er [ ] Missionary [ ] Moon Beam [ ] Moron [ ] Nephew of PAUL [ ] Nerd [ ] Other progeny of PAUL [ ] Overall goober [ ] Pervert [ ] Pimp [ ] Pirate [ ] Poster-child for postnatal abortion [ ] Pre-teen [ ] Republican [ ] Retard [ ] TOWNMNBS [ ] Roodie-poo Candy Ass [ ] Scientologist [ ] Smartass [ ] Spammer/Crossposter [ ] Spastic Ooze Monkey [ ] Troll [ ] Twerp [ ] Twit [ ] Unbearably self-righteous person [ ] Useless Sack Of Shit [ ] WaReZ D00D [ ] Web TVer [ ] White House Intern [ ] Wussy [ ] Most of the above [ ] All of the Above [ ] Some of the above, not including All of the above [ ] Other ( ) [ ] None of the above - it's far too horrible to contemplate You Are Being Flamed Because: [ ] You posted binaries in pieces LESS than 5000 lines or to a non-binary group [ ] You are advocating posting binaries to text groups [ ] You posted to the wrong group [ ] You posted text in a binary group [ ] You posted something asking for warez sites [ ] You posted a link to your auction on eBay [ ] You started a long, stupid thread [ ] that I didn't find entertaining [ ] You continued a long, stupid thread [ ] that I didn't find entertaining [ ] You started an off-topic thread [ ] that I didn't find entertaining [ ] You continued an off-topic thread [ ] that I didn't find entertaining [ ] You used long lines, i.e. you didn't break up your lines after 60-70 characters, thereby making it hard to quote your post [ ] You quoted 120 lines of a thread and added 3 words or less... [ ] and they were all misspelt [ ] You said "me too" to something [ ] As above, except you said "me to", "me two", or "me 2" [ ] You repeatedly initiated incoherent, flakey, and mindless threads [ ] that I didn't find entertaining [ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message and [ ] used l33t cApiTalZ [ ] misspelt it [ ] Your post ended in "now shut up" and [ ] used l33t cApiTalZ [ ] misspelt it [ ] You reiterated one of the oldest arguments on ASVS [ ] and failed to defend it [ ] You posted a piece riddled with profanities [ ] You did not understand the logic behind a profanity ridden post calling for the non-usage of profanities [ ] You posted a message with all the content in the subject line, and a blank message [ ] You posted an incredibly bigoted post [ ] You advocated Net censorship [ ] You posted a blatantly obvious troll [ ] You crossposted your blatantly obvious troll to MULTIPLE newsgroups [ ] You pretended to be a guru and, obviously, you aren't [ ] You posted pretending to be someone famous (See "troll" above) [ ] You posted low-IQ flamebait [ ] You replied to the above message type believing it was someone famous [ ] You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme and claimed it was legal [ ] You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme and claimed IT WORKS [ ] You posted an ad or scam [ ] You posted asking for/selling phone sex lines [ ] You posted asking for/selling porn sites [ ] You posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article [ ] You posted the inanely stupid '$250 Cookie Recipe' article [ ] You posted an inanely stupid magic weight-loss article [ ] You posted an inanely stupid cheap shit at high prices article [ ] You posted an inanely stupid 'Fix Your Credit' article [ ] You posted an inanely stupid virus warning [ ] You posted an inanely stupid eBay ad [ ] You posted a request to send business/get well cards to a little boy with cancer who is trying to break the Guiness Book of Records [ ] Your ad/scam sucks because no one here asked for it [ ] You doubtlessly violated the Terms of Service of your ISP [ ] You suck [ ] You're on AOL [ ] You should be on AOL [ ] You make AOL look good [ ] Your sig/alias/server sucks [ ] Your .sig file exceeds your attention span [ ] You don't even have a .sig file, and it still exceeds your attention span [ ] It has dumb ASCII graphics [ ] You have a .sig with more than 4 lines of ASCII graphics [ ] Your spelling and/or grammar is/are reflective of an illiterate [ ] You spelled 'definitely' wrong (why does _everybody_ do that?) [ ] You posted in l33t CaPiTaLz because you think that makes you kEwL [ ] YOU POSTED IN ALL CAPS [ ] You posted in HTML [ ] You folded, spindled or otherwise mutilated the ASVS Form Flame [ ] You disliked the ASVS Form Flame [ ] You voiced your dislike of the ASVS Form Flame, yet quoted the whole thing [ ] You posted what should have been emailed [ ] You neglected to do research on the chosen subject [ ] You have absolutely no knowledge of the topic of this newsgroup/mailing list [ ] You asked a question that was covered in the available FAQ [ ] You made a blanket statement without backing it up [ ] You posted the stupidest article of the week [ ] It wasn't the stupidest article of the week, but it was damn close [ ] You posted the same message more then one time [ ] You redundantly covered the same point over and over [ ] You redundantly covered the same point over and over [ ] You repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to [ ] You crossposted excessively [ ] You are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread [ ] and you're not Dalton [ ] or The Baron [ ] You ask for somebody to do your homework [ ] You ask for somebody to do your homework for free [ ] You don't want to learn to fish, you just want a fish [ ] You want it, whatever you wanted, ASAP (of course) [ ] You just dropped your post and asked to have all the replies sent to your mailbox [ ] You are too stupid to do a web search [ ] You flamed a poor guy in distress trying to find some help [ ] You flamed someone for [ ] spelling and/or [ ] grammatical errors while committing [ ] spelling and/or [ ] grammatical errors yourself [ ] You repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority [ ] You questioned (below)'s moral and/or intellectual superiority [ ] Strowbridge [ ] Dalton [ ] Kynes [ ] Cmdrwilkens [ ] Wayne Poe [ ] Sir Nitram [ ] Graeme Dice [ ] Alex Moon [ ] Celes Knight [ ] The Baron [ ] Stuart Mackey [ ] LT.HIT-MAN [ ] Chuck [ ] Spyda [ ] Phong Nguyen [ ] Other: [ ] You are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve [ ] You are under the misapprehension that this group isn't (below)'s preserve [ ] Strowbridge [ ] Dalton [ ] Kynes [ ] Cmdrwilkens [ ] Wayne Poe [ ] Sir Nitram [ ] Graeme Dice [ ] Alex Moon [ ] Celes Knight [ ] The Baron [ ] Stuart Mackey [ ] LT.HIT-MAN [ ] Chuck [ ] Spyda [ ] Phong Nguyen [ ] Other: [ ] You made an error and blamed someone else [ ] You talked about your sex life as if you knew what you were talking about [ ] You talked about someone else's sex life as if you knew what you were talking about [ ] You talked about genitals as if you had any to talk about [ ] All you ever do is insult people [ ] You accuse others of doing the same thing you do [ ] You repeatedly have shown a lack of humor [ ] You repeatedly requested info on where to find pr0n [ ] You repeatedly harassed people with androgynous names like Chris, Jamie, Strowbridge, or Rajhatmalhaban, with "Are you a girl?" or "M/F?" questions [ ] You are clueless [ ] You are too stupid to figure out we hate your kind of people [ ] You didn't understand (below)'s sarcasm [ ] Strowbridge [ ] Dalton [ ] Kynes [ ] Cmdrwilkens [ ] Wayne Poe [ ] Sir Nitram [ ] Graeme Dice [ ] Alex Moon [ ] Celes Knight [ ] The Baron [ ] Stuart Mackey [ ] LT.HIT-MAN [ ] Chuck [ ] Spyda [ ] Phong Nguyen [ ] Other: [ ] It's just that kind of day [ ] You responded to _every post_ on the group today [ ] You argued about copyright law as if you knew what you were talking about [ ] You argued about evolution as if you knew what you were talking about [ ] No matter how many times it's explained to you, you can't understand the Second Law of Thermodynamics [ ] You argued about Lucasfilm's future business plans as if you knew what you were talking about [ ] You mistook Lucasfilm products as reflective of the real world [ ] You mistook the real world as reflective of Lucasfilm products [ ] You are wasting bandwidth without any useful purpose [ ] I'm bored [ ] I think you might be a Pinko Commie [ ] I think you might be a Paramount employee [ ] I think you want to be a Paramount employee [ ] I think you might be a member of Paramount's target audience [ ] You posted your article using Outlook Express [ ] You assumed that AOL/CS/Prodigy/Microsoft invented the Internet [ ] You assumed that Al Gore invented the Internet [ ] You assumed that the Internet is a U.S. only phenomenon [ ] You failed to understand that the US phone billing system is not world-wide [ ] You used the phrase "Information Superhighway" [ ] and meant it [ ] You've never heard of ARPANET [ ] It's just that kind of day [ ] You barged into a quiet little newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever and started stinking up the place just because you read an article about the newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever in some magazine or had seen it on TV etc.... [ ] You are a gutless coward that can't post from a valid e-mail address (we'll track you down anyway, Timmy) [ ] You are posting an anonymous attack [ ] You discussed "My (below) is Better Than Your (below)" [ ] Education [ ] Job [ ] Nation [ ] Religion [ ] Taste in Women [ ] Other [ ] You discussed the following in a non-nutcase newsgroup: [ ] Hollow Earth theory [ ] Alien President theory [ ] Orbital mind control frisbees [ ] Faith healing [ ] Government weather control [ ] Russian psychics [ ] Squeaky Fromme [ ] The nation of France [ ] And you're not Boyd [ ] Robot spy bees [ ] Sexually promiscuous space aliens [ ] "Manos, the Hands of Fate" [ ] And you're not Chuck [ ] Flat Earth theory [ ] Government consipiracy theory [ ] The location of Jimmy Hoffa [ ] The veracity of any X-Files plot (see all of the above) [ ] Other: [ ] You considered the following to be reliable reference sources: [ ] Golden Books' "Exploring Science", printed 1955 [ ] Any news item covered by: [ ] Talk Soup [ ] The Daily Show [ ] SNL News [ ] Hard Copy [ ] Oliver Stone [ ] Inside Edition [ ] The National Enquirer [ ] The Sun [ ] Al-Jazeera [ ] NY Post [ ] The Union Leader [ ] Deimos Anomaly [ ] OMNI Magazine [ ] Marketing Hype [ ] Microsoft [ ] The Simpsons [ ] A WEG Publication [ ] Mr. Scott's Guide to the Enterprise [ ] Spacebattles' Versus Forums [ ] An unidentified, but obviously stupid, person or publication [ ] Other: {Special LT.Hit-Man Section} [ ] You put me in a worse mood then the one I'm in by posting to me [ ] I'm in a bad mood and you opened your trap to the wrong person at the wrong time [ ] If I wanted to hear from you I'd beat you with a 2x4 full of rusty nails just to hear you scream [ ] It's just that kind of day [ ] and it's not even noon yet [ ] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so generally worthless that you are being flamed anyway [ ] Other: To Repent, You Must: [ ] Insult: [ ] LT. HIT-MAN [ ] Marina O'Leary [ ] The Cleaners [ ] The Lump Club [ ] To his/her/their face(s) [ ] And survive [ ] Or die trying. [ ] Of Gangrene. [ ] Actually post something relevant [ ] Allow boring and useless threads to die [ ] Of Gangrene. [ ] Appear on Jerry Springer [ ] as a member of the opposite sex [ ] Attempt to win this year's Darwin Award [ ] Bang the president's kids on national TV [ ] Be TOWNMNBS's personal "Little Love Monkey" for a [ ] week [ ] month [ ] year [ ] the rest of your natural life [ ] Be careful of where you are crossposting to [ ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month [ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it [ ] Consider that others may know more about certain subjects than you [ ] Deep-throat my dog [ ] Deep-throat PAUL [ ] Deep-throat TOWNMNBS [ ] Deep-throat TOWNMNBS, and bite it off [ ] Or die trying. [ ] Donated your body to science before you are done using it [ ] Do not bother getting a new account when this one is pulled [ ] Exercise some humility [ ] Exercise a great deal of humility [ ] Familiarize yourself with the concept of: [ ] patience [ ] tolerance [ ] caution [ ] common courtesy [ ] succinctness [ ] vocabulary [ ] humor [ ] sarcasm [ ] higher brain functions [ ] being ASVS Newsgroup Moron for a long time [ ] getting flamed for the rest of your life [ ] Other: [ ] Familiarize yourself with the history of the Internet [ ] Fish for a clue in shark-infested waters [ ] Get a job [ ] No, a _real_ job [ ] Working at McDonald's is not a real job [ ] Get an appointment with Dr. Kevorkian [ ] Get me a [ ] Beer [ ] Bowl of Jell-O [ ] Cigar [ ] Cigarette [ ] Kebab Tray and Chips [ ] Pizza [ ] Rum & Blackcurrant [ ] Nubile Buxomy Virgin Goddess Covered in the Lightest of Olive Oils [ ] Salad [ ] Sandwich [ ] Some Stuffed Grape Salad [ ] Taco [ ] Some Wet Stuff (TM) [ ] A Whore [ ] A Bottle of Vodka [ ] A Sheep [ ] A Sexy Hentai Fan Girl [ ] Other: [ ] Get over it [ ] Get used to being mocked [ ] Get used to being [ ] verbally and/or [ ] physically abused [ ] Get used to being the Newsgroup Idiot [ ] Give up your Internet\Usenet access [ ] Give your computer to charity [ ] Go see the therapist you fired three months ago [ ] Find a therapist to replace the one that committed suicide after listening to your shit [ ] Go fuck yourself with a reciprocating saw [ ] Go to the top of a building and attempt to defy gravity [ ] Go to the White House and attempt to kill: [ ] The President [ ] His wife [ ] His pet [ ] The First Intern [ ] Other: [ ] Go to Goatse.cx for a hot lunch [ ] Go to Goatse.cx and be a hot lunch for the founders of Goatse.cx [ ] Invite The Cleaners over for some one on one football [ ] And survive [ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor [ ] Lead by example [ ] Or die trying, thus entertaining your troops. [ ] Learn to count above 10 with your boots on [ ] Learn to pee straight [ ] Learn to use the 'kill' command to eliminate erroneous posts [ ] Learn to walk only with your rear paws [ ] Learn the fine art of body piercing with a 40,000 PSI nail gun [ ] Lick an exposed, live wire [ ] 'Lurk' without posting for a few days to learn the forum of a group [ ] 'Lurk' for the rest of your natural life [ ] Manage to make (below) physically ill with a bit of innuendo [ ] Strowbridge [ ] Dalton [ ] Kynes [ ] Cmdrwilkens [ ] Wayne Poe [ ] Sir Nitram [ ] Graeme Dice [ ] Alex Moon [ ] Celes Knight [ ] The Baron [ ] Stuart Mackey [ ] LT.HIT-MAN [ ] Chuck [ ] Spyda [ ] Phong Nguyen [ ] Other: [ ] No longer contribute to this newsgroup [ ] No longer contribute to any newsgroup [ ] No longer contribute to the gene pool [ ] Don't attempt to evolve to the point where you *could* contribute to the gene pool [ ] Out eat Graeme Dice [ ] and the rest of the Lump Club [ ] on Thanksgiving [ ] Out-gross [ ] Strowbridge [ ] Dalton [ ] Kynes [ ] Cmdrwilkens [ ] Wayne Poe [ ] Sir Nitram [ ] Graeme Dice [ ] Alex Moon [ ] Celes Knight [ ] The Baron [ ] Stuart Mackey [ ] LT.HIT-MAN [ ] Chuck [ ] Spyda [ ] Phong Nguyen [ ] Other: [ ] Pack your computer and send it to me [ ] Poke your eye out with a stick [ ] Poke your eye in with a stick [ ] Post only to alt.dev.null [ ] Read every newsgroup you posted to for a week [ ] Read the God-damn FAQ [ ] Read the God-damn R&R [ ] Recall that there are other users on the net [ ] Re-install whatever failed mental operating system you are currently running on [ ] Relinquish your right to procreate [ ] Remember that not all newsreaders are threaded [ ] Remember that the Internet is multinational [ ] See a doctor about removing your head from your ass [ ] See a doctor about removing your head from TOWNMNBS's ass [ ] See a doctor about removing your head from Berman & Braga's ass [ ] See a doctor about removing your head from the Baron's ass [ ] Selectively respond to threads after reading all new messages in that thread [ ] Send spam to Microsoft and Bill Gates with you home address, phone number and IP address [ ] Serve as the "Choose Abortion!" poster child [ ] Smoke less of what you are smoking [ ] Spam the same newsgroups with your home address and phone number [ ] Steal something from Area 51 and bring it to me [ ] Stop masturbating for a [ ] week [ ] month [ ] year [ ] the rest of your natural life [ ] Stop molesting corpses [ ] Start molesting coprses (you obviously need an out let for all that pent up sexual frustration, and cadavers hopefully provide the least likely avenue of reproduction) [ ] Stop molesting livestock [ ] Unless you're the Baron [ ] Stop allowing yourself to be molested by livestock [ ] Unless you're C.S.Strowbridge [ ] Start molesting livestock (you obviously need an out let for all that pent up sexual frustration, and livestock provides the least likely avenue of reproduction) [ ] Unless you're the Baron [ ] Stop molesting your floppy drive [ ] Stop allowing PAUL to molest you [ ] Stop molesting TOWNMNBS [ ] Start molesting TOWNMNBS [ ] Stop volunteering for Armed Forces pharmaceutical experiments [ ] Start volunteering for Armed Forces pharmaceutical experiments [ ] Streak a militant lesbian bar [ ] Subscribe to every Paramount periodical and not complain about their contents, or lack thereof [ ] Successfully flame [ ] Strowbridge [ ] Dalton [ ] Kynes [ ] Cmdrwilkens [ ] Wayne Poe [ ] Sir Nitram [ ] Graeme Dice [ ] Alex Moon [ ] Celes Knight [ ] The Baron [ ] Stuart Mackey [ ] LT.HIT-MAN [ ] Chuck [ ] Spyda [ ] Phong Nguyen [ ] Other: [ ] Visit a militant lesbian bar and attempt to pick up the "chics" [ ] Voluntarily apologize in a brief post [ ] Voluntarily break down into tears and apologize in a brief post; then we'll put you out of your misery [ ] Volunteer for vacuum implosion testing [ ] Wait at least two hours before responding to another post [ ] Look into the possibility of (below) for the above problems: [ ] Castration [ ] Chemical castration [ ] Castration with two bricks [ ] Castration by a Singapore whore [ ] Castration by dull axe [ ] Castration by a nest of fire ants [ ] Castration by other: [ ] Electroshock therapy [ ] Enema [ ] Intensive negative reinforcement [ ] Medication [ ] Psychotherapy [ ] Prefrontal lobotomy [ ] Total lobotomy [ ] Severe head injury(ies) [ ] Vaseline [ ] Other: [ ] Most of the above [ ] All of the above [ ] Some of the above, not including All of the above [ ] Other: In Closing, I'd Like to Say: [ ] Age 10 more years before you post again [ ] Allow me to rip off your arm and beat you to death with it [ ] Ask Jesus if you need more insurance [ ] Being raped by a branding iron is too good for you [ ] Blow me [ ] Both hands on the keyboard, sparky [ ] Die and burn in hell [ ] Burn in hell first [ ] Do it again and I'll axe you to death [ ] Don't do it ever again please [ ] Even the Scientologists won't take you [ ] Fuck off and die [ ] Don't bother to fuck off, we want you to die NOW [ ] Voyager makes more logical sense than you do [ ] Get a life [ ] Get fucked, you pathetic loser [ ] Don't even bother trying to get fucked... [ ] Go AOL!! [ ] Go fuck yourself using a lightning rod for a dildo during a raging thunderstorm [ ] Go get a lighter and check if there's gas in the car [ ] Go to hell [ ] Here's a nickel. Get a clue. [ ] If brains were taxed, you'd get a rebate [ ] If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I'd get change [ ] If I stand close enough to you, I can hear the ocean [ ] If you were any more stupid, you'd have to be watered twice a week [ ] I got two words for ya! [ ] Blow Me [ ] Get Bent [ ] Get Fucked [ ] Die Bitch [ ] Go Away [ ] Go Farther [ ] Kill Yourself [ ] Suck It! [ ] Eat Shit [ ] Watch Voyager [ ] Please Evolve [ ] Snap-Hiss [ ] It's hard to believe that you beat out 1,000,000 other sperm [ ] I pity your dog [ ] Learn to post or shut up and fuck off [ ] Look up the word "asexual" [ ] Tatoo the word "asexual" onto your member [ ] if visible [ ] Nature abhors a vacuum, how it tolerates your head is a good question [ ] Never post again [ ] One-celled organisms out score you in IQ tests [ ] Plonk [ ] Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled [ ] Stop peeing in the gene pool [ ] Take your shit somewhere else [ ] The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming [ ] There's the bell, little girl, recess is over [ ] The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead [ ] Try to bite your ear [ ] Where's my [ ] Beer [ ] Bowl of Jell-O [ ] Cigar [ ] Cigarette [ ] Kebab Tray and chips [ ] Pizza [ ] Rum & Blackcurrant [ ] Nubile Buxomy Virgin Goddess Covered in the Lightest of Olive Oils [ ] Salad [ ] Sandwich [ ] Stuffed Grape Salad [ ] Taco [ ] Wet Stuff (TM) [ ] Whore [ ] Vodka [ ] Sheep [ ] Sexy Hentai Fan Girl [ ] Other: [ ] Yo momma's so fat/stupid/ugly that etc... [ ] You are a gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus [ ] You are as bright as Alaska in December [ ] You are as sharp as a bowling ball [ ] You are not the sharpest knife in the drawer [ ] You are one neuron short of a synapse [ ] You are possibly the most annoying person currently alive [ ] You are so clueless that I didn't even bother filling in this form [ ] You are so dense, light bends around you [ ] You are the reason some groups are moderated [ ] You couldn't do anything with a brain if you had one [ ] You fell out of the family tree [ ] and landed on your head [ ] You have a full 6-pack, but lack the plastic thingy to hold it all together [ ] You got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching [ ] You have a photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on [ ] You have two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it [ ] You make PAUL/TOWNMNBS/Elim/etc. look like a genius [ ] You obviously have a very small penis (if any) [ ] If you can find said penis, bite it off [ ] You prove that if you broke a body down to it's basic components, it would be worth $1.82 [ ] You're going to be on a lot of lists -- they're called [ ] Killfiles [ ] Hit lists [ ] Endangered species [ ] Known species of bacteria [ ] Known forms of STDs [ ] Wanted lists for LT. HIT-MAN [ ] Spacebattles Forum member roster [ ] Other: [ ] You're the reason why abortions are legal [ ] You are a fuckfaced shithead who should be dragged down a 50km road that has just been freshly asphaulted by wild dogs [ ] Your IQ does not exceed your rectal tempurature (in Celsius) [ ] Your IQ does not exceed you shoe size [ ] and damn are your feet big [ ] Your mere existance is a convincing arguement for eugenics [ ] Your mother cleans the teeth of people who suck cocks in Hell [ ] Your mother wears army boots [ ] You were left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby [ ] You work in Paramount's Marketing Department, don't you? [ ] You're a crack-smoking donkey fucker [ ] Most of the above [ ] All of the above [ ] Some of the above, not including All of the above [ ] Other: Please save this message and review it occasionally to determine your progress toward being; [ ] A useful member of Internet society [ ] A less annoying member of Internet society [ ] A human being [ ] A fully-functional human being [ ] A member of the animal kingdom [ ] A pathetic, worthless excuse for a complete and utter moron [ ] A prime candidate for natural de-selection [ ] A tolerable poster [ ] A vertebrate [ ] A viable member of the ASVS community [ ] Fifi food [ ] Biological matter [ ] Integrated into humanity [ ] Re-integrated into the wild [ ] Worthy of converting O2 to CO2 [ ] Other: **end flame**end flame**end flame**