From the one and only Chuck Sonnenburg. GA Ancaris is standing by with the Ego-Deflater!
Mike Wong <phobos_anomaly@my-deja.com> wrote in message news:88jg8d$ss6$1@nnrp1.deja.com... > Well fooled warsies... Go on, admit it:- you thought your god had > returned to ASVS. Not with a 1 KB message. Not Wong's style. Although I do look forward to the day my God does post on ASVS. ----------------------------------------------------- Jesus Christ <prince@peace.com> wrote in message... >Having lurked here for some time, I feel the time hath cometh for me to >state my views. I think I can settle once and for all <snip unsupported opinion> <yawn> Come back when you have something real troll. Elim ------------------------------------------------------ Er, maybe not. -- Chuck
> Ugh this is not a communist news group...
>
Eez not?
Erm, das right. I am not Russian spy; I am as American as apple cake. Tell
me secrets and I will pay you many Rrrrrrrubles.
---Chuck Sonnenburg
From: "Chuck"Subject: Don't mind this Date: 25 Aug 2000 00:00:00 GMT Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars My server seems to be acting up lately; not giving me all the posts, and it looks like it might not be sending them out, so I'm just trying this out. So you can ignore this. Ah, so you're not ignoring this. Shame shame. Now is your last chance; if you do not leave now I will say the most disgusting thing I can think of. Okay, it cannot be said that I do not warn. Very well. I think the investment in the future should be a chain of brothels specializing in necrophilia (that's sex with the dead, if you don't know). The reason being that it's far easier than having to dig them up yourself, so you'll get almost 100% of the market. Also, you don't have to pay the employees, although you do have to empty them out now and then, which is probably gross I'll be the first to admit. Anyway, I believe it is the market of the twenty-first century. I even have a slogan: "Crack open a cold one." Don't you wish you would have just not read this? -- Chuck http://www.sfdebris.com
> OK I'm leaving. With your imagination I don't want to know what's below.
My imagination right now is the finely-tuned result of a week of sleeping < 6
hours a night, writing over 100K of fiction, consuming nothing but pizza and
coke and watching The Green Mile twelve times.
That's right boy, you better run!
--
Chuck
Subject: Re: [Archive] New Authors Page Date: Thu, 31 Aug 2000 22:11:17 -0500 From: "Chuck"Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars "Ryan Spickard" wrote in message news:8on5s3$b476g$1@ID-42467.news.cis.dfn.de... > "Dalton" wrote in message > news:39AF0ED2.A73A3B8F@nospam.erols.com... <snip> > > Well...OK, but don't try anything funny tonight. > > Now there's a pleasant image... *gag* Yoda: That face you make...look I so old to young eyes? Luke: Please master, put some pants on. Yoda: When nine hundred years old you reach, lift as good you will not. Luke: Ugh! Yoda: For my ally is the Force... Luke: Just stop it! -- Chuck http://www.sfdebris.com
"Jonathan Boyd"wrote in message news:B5E081A0.4F3C%jonathan@jboyd.co.uk... > Just passing along a message from Matt Hyde. Apparently you can blow him > Elim. This sounds so funny coming from you. This is what it reminds me of: Maitre' de steps into room. "Excuse me, sah. The gentleman asked me to pass along to you a message." [clears throat] "Do, 'cram it up your fudge factahree, you aaas-hwipe.' He also said I should tell you your mother was a female dog of poor breeding." [waits politely for tip] -- Chuck http://www.sfdebris.com
"Kynes"wrote in message news:39b8f08c.0@silver.truman.edu... > What! Clinton is great! He should be President forever! One of these days he's going to show up at a press conference in a pair of bermuda shorts and a tank top. "Ladies and gentlemen, in just a few months I'm leaving and I wanted to tell you all to just kiss mah ass. Yeah, you heard me right. Whatcha gonna do 'bout it? Nothin'! Kee-yah! Plant a big ole' one right on the presidential keester!" [turns around and pulls down his shorts, wiggling his butt] "Pucker up dilljobs! Any a' you ladies in front wanna polish my knob for me while we're at it? Kee-yah!" That's when the voice of the anchor comes over. Tom Brockaw: Mr. Clinton, apparently giving a farewell address that won't soon be forgotten. Clinton: I got blown in every room of the white house!!! You think Gore's got the stones to do that?! That limp noodle doesn't stand a chance to be president! Kee-yah! -- Chuck http://www.sfdebris.com
<pablo_sanchez2000@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:8pekgq$t0t$1@nnrp1.deja.com...
> Yahoo?
>
> Where is there home office located? I'm sure we can fit them into some
> kind of TGOD.
Somewhere between Honalee, Oz, and the fifth circle of Hell.
--
Chuck
http://www.sfdebris.com
"Spyda"wrote in message news:39C934ED.6BE7BDCB@paradise.net.nz... > Sonn wrote: > > <A really good story> > > Maximum coolness. I wonder what Sisko and Obe-Wan do in their spare time. > > Perhaps there's some kind of convention for retired Jedi/Superbeings. Makes me picture them all in Florida playing shuffleboard. Trelane: I say, it's hot today. Obi-Wan: Bah! What you know from hot! Trelane: Well I... Obi-Wan: I lived on the desert planet for twenty years. Twenty years! You talk about sun. Trelane: I only meant- Obi-Wan: Oy, the heat was awful! Awful! Drove the locals nuts. Meshuggas, every one of them! Trelane: Sisko, a little help here? -- Chuck "Are you willing to die for stupidity? You see, I am, if it'll teach you something." -187
"Eric"wrote in message news:dpotssocikqkv9juc839misrnvtg4ss3m5@4ax.com... <snip> > How does an 18 year old, interested in the system, vote in 2038? He's > never paid taxes in his life, and they're not around anymore. Your > plan, although it's half-joking, doesn't even offer any solutions to > -that- can of worms. The children are our future.... which means it's their fucking problem. :-) -- Chuck
"Xtreme"wrote in message news:39D7E446.56A2BC8D@sprint.ca... > And 'Rapariga'(sp?) from Portugal means 'girl' but from what I > understand that the same word means "prostitute' in Brazil. Grandma: "And aren't you just the cutest little whore?" -- Chuck
"Spyda"wrote in message news:39E6E75F.3FBA0FDF@paradise.net.nz... > Is there a site where you can look up SETI@home's total progress? > Here's the latest report. Number of aliens found: 0.0 -- Chuck
"Strowbridge"wrote in message news:3A046B74.4BF28A7@home.com... > > From what you've shown, I agree that the library thing is stupid. The > > Jewish organizations over-reacted. But this says little about Jews in > > general. > > I agree. > I sum it all up in the following creed: people are assholes. The only part race plays is that it might change the color of the person who's annoying me at the time. -- Chuck
"Ryan Spickard"wrote in message news:8u29dk$jdma$1@ID-42467.news.dfncis.de... > "Doomriser" wrote in message > news:8u1ee3$i4v$1@nnrp1.deja.com... > [snip] <snip> > LOL > I didn't know 'Nazi' was a language :) It's German spoken with more anger. Don't you watch the movies? -- Chuck
"Kynes"wrote in message news:3a11a120.0@silver.truman.edu... > "Chuck" wrote in message >news:8uslll$1o2k$1@newssvr06-en0.news.prodigy.com... > > > Al Gore and George Bush would have to play a game of poker, five-card > > stud to be exact. The winner gets the electoral votes. > > Are you serious? You can't make up shit like this! Actually I can come close. I told my students today: "The bad news is that Sadam Hussein is forging overseas ballots to try and change the election. The good news is he voted for Buchanan by mistake." > That would be the greatest thing ever. :D I would love to see it happen. George W would put on a big novelty cowboy hat or something, Al would be sitting across from him like he had a rod up his ass and wearing a derby. "I'll see your bet and I'll raise you Kentucky." -- Chuck
"Paradox"wrote in message news:8uv5kb$lig$1@slb7.atl.mindspring.net... > > To the citizens of the United States of America, > > In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to > govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your > independence, effective today. > [snip] Okay, that's it, I want this goddamn election over! Now! Somebody just concede already. Would you two look at this? They're making fun of us! They think we can't even count! Would you look at this?!!!! We've even got Guatamala making fun of us. Guatamala! Their main exports are political refugees and tropical diseases, and they're making fun of us!!! Stop it already! If this was a movie I'd be laughing my ass off right now, but it's reality! What the hell is going on?!!!!! -- Chuck
"Strowbridge"wrote in message news:3A14B855.ADDD1ABE@home.com... > If you are here the answer should be obvious. But go here anyway: > > http://www.med.nyu.edu/Psych/screens/pds.html > > Learn what type of nut you are! > "Based on the above answer(s), your personality traits might be associated with following personality type(s): To evaluate this further" So I have no personality type at all? Damn, now I know how Al Gore feels. -- Chuck
"Enigma"wrote in message news:y1vS5.2226$HA4.38678@newscontent-01.sprint.ca... > *Enigma takes his sword and decapitates Wong.* > > "HAH! This is what I think of your glorious Wong!":):) I didn't even know you were Jewish. -- Chuck
"Colonel814"wrote in message news:29801-3A1737DE-39@storefull-286.iap.bryant.webtv.net... > STAR TREK RULES!!!!!!!! > Oki am done, please dont flood me with reply after reply on how ST > sucks, stinks (other "nice" words) it is my own personal opinion, i > know there ALWAYS will be people against ST, so PLEASE do not have a cow > after reading my message. > > Signed: The Colonel! > Apparently you've been smoking some of the eleven herbs and spices. -- Chuck
The question of how a few small disorganized militias were able to ultimately defeat the most powerful nation on earth has been argued amongst historians for many years. How is it that the side with more troops, ships, weapons, and supplies and leaders with years of combat experience was ultimately defeated? After much consideration, I have hit upon the earthshattering truth, one which was so obvious no one ever even saw it. The British soldiers all wore red shirts. That being considered, it's a wonder the war was even close. -- Chuck
"Matthew Hyde"wrote in message news:3A2A823E.C9720A44@mtu.edu... > Spyda wrote: > > > Damn, that was one hell of a party! > > > You did two Chucks at once? > I can tell you this didn't happen. Well, I'm pretty sure it didn't, unless Spyda isn't Spyda. Okay, let's just say it involved Britany Spears and an accident with a time machine and just leave it at that. The only problem is that no matter what you do you're going to wind up with sloppy seconds. "Oh what a daaaaay, when it's me and you and meeeeee..... Just the three of us, one of you and two of meeeeee....." Britany didn't care for the song too much. She also got upset when I pinched her butt. Who knew she hated it? Problem was that when I came back the second time I forgot about it. "Oops, I did it again," I said. She got mad and told me to get the hell out, that she had just had the idea for a song and that if I wanted it to continue, well, I could just screw myself, which I didn't really think was a good idea either time. Anyway officer, that's why I ran through that stop sign. -- Chuck
"Ryan Spickard"wrote in message news:91hnsj$41ttg$1@ID-42467.news.dfncis.de... > "Raven Ford" wrote in message > news:91f2uj$3ujs1$1@ID-63060.news.dfncis.de... > [snip] > > Listen, YOU shave your pubic hair and then get back to me on that. > > hehehe, I've actually done that a few times. It does start to itch a bit. > Wow look at the time. It's not even 4:30 and I already know too much about you. -- Chuck
The cell opened and Scotty inched away as Darth Vader walked in, his
heavy mechanical breathing terrifying. The Dark Lord leaned down towards
the frightened officer. "Now you will di-"
Scotty held up his hand and blew a pile of dust in Vader's facemask.
There was a great intake of air and a giant mechanical sneeze followed by
two words.
"Aw shit...."
--
Chuck
> The Yosemite Bear (The Best trained bear in ASVS)
If Yogi Bear was from ASVS:
Yogi Bear: Heeeey Booboo! How about some pic-a-nic bas-kets?
Booboo: Gee Yogi, I don't think the ranger's gonna like this.
Yogi Bear: Yeah, welllll fuck the ranger Booboo!
--
Chuck
"LT.Hit-Man" <LT101@microsith.com> wrote in message
news:943ann$bv7jk$1@ID-36661.news.dfncis.de...
> http://www.thinhline.com/thl.cgi?thl2
> if you dare
Ben: Luke.... Leia is your sister.
Luke: Ben, you say that about every girl that's giving me head. What's with
you?
--
Chuck
<lordshaithis@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:946qua$1oj$1@nnrp1.deja.com...
> *bangs on table with fist*
>
> Death Star! Eclipse! BDZ! Galaxy Gun! Kill kill kill!
I love this thought. It's like nuking Green Peace. :-)
--
Chuck
"Moen" <hkmoen@NObigSPAMfoot.com.INVALID> wrote in message
news:dinr6tgsd28i8p61smp30nmogft4eesp4f@4ax.com...
> Have you ever killed a person?
>
Just once. It was the spring of '93 and my buddies and I in the engineering
program had just completed the prototype for our new condom, the ribbed
wonder. I won the priveledge of testing the item, so we went down to the
club. I knew the minute I laid eyes on her that she was the woman this
condom had been made for. A little song, a little dance, a little action in
your pants, next thing you know the field testing had begun. Unfortunately,
we had designed it too well, or maybe I was too good, who can tell. In any
event, it was too much for her and her heart gave out. It took the doctors
two hours just to get the smile off her face.
Anyway, after that I couldn't go on. I left engineering and never looked
back, and was attending at the seminary that very fall. So, if any of you
have ever wondered how someone like me became a minister, now you know.
--
Conjunction Chuck
"I am an army of one."
"Ryan Spickard"wrote in message news:94fm7t$dn1s7$1@ID-42467.news.dfncis.de... > Well, that ALMOST made me regret not watching the endless news coverage of > every single inaugural morsel. Almost, but not quite. > I tuned in just for the swearing in ceremony. I was a bit disappointed; I was hoping Bush would screw it up. Justice:"Do solemnly swear to faithfully execute the office of president of the United States..." Bush:"Do solemnly swear to exe-.. to... Aw man, that's too long, can we shorten it up?" Yeah, I support him, but I'll take a good joke over politics any day. :-) "Repeat after me. I, George Walker Bush..." "Ohhh no no no, you're not fooling me. _I'm_ George Walker Bush!" -- Chuck "Brave man. Not a very bright one." -Five Characters in Search of an Exit
"Graeme Dice"wrote in message news:3A88A12A.CC5F32B6@sk.sympatico.ca... > Phong Nguyen wrote: > > <snip> > > > Not my fault people aren't willing to work hard to get into college. A > > lot of them are *proud* of not doing work and openly taunt us 'smart' > > people (the third of us or so who do care). > > That's why you do what I did, and beat the ones who taunt you up. > > They don't bother you after that. I had the opposite problem; being a big hairy guy people thought I was an idiot. That's even more irritating IMO. I would be sitting somewhere thinking about things, and people think you're just a dumb brick looking at a wall. Someone would snicker and ask "Hey, watcha thinkin' about big guy?" The fun thing to do is to get a big, stupid guy voice and say something like "I was considering the nature of matter and how it relates to the spirit of Democritus' original theory on the concept of atoms. Despite the existence of said particle his original precept seemed to be the ultimiate indivisibility of matter, and would the fact that the atom can be split repeatedly afterwards validate the alternate theory that matter is, at its essence, infinitely divisible?" Sometimes they get a weird look 'cause you're collapsing their little worldview; that's when you say: "It's just something us guys were discussing at the gym the other day while we were doing some reps." -- Chuck
Imagine locking up the incredible hulk and flooding his body with steroids. While this is going on you hit him on the head with a hammer every ten seconds for a week. After this you point him in the direction of Woody Allen for a fight. This is the Empire vs. the Psychlos. -- Chuck
"Matthew Hyde"wrote in message news:3A8E905A.62BE82AA@mtu.edu... > Some stupid nobody wrote: > > > > who's chris farley? > > > He was a Jedi knight and a fine pilot. Vader killed him. lol Chris Farley to play Obi-Wan Kenobi in Episode III Yoda: What say you, Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan: Oh, ah, gee, um, it seems that I, uh, unwittingly led young Anakin to the, um Dark Side. Yoda: Told you I did. Fucked in the head is he. Now, matters are worse. Obi-Wan: I'll try to bring him back. Yoda: Screwed things up enough you did. Take my advice you did not. A mile away could I see this shit coming. Obi-Wan: I shall take the advice of Jedi Master David Spade in retrieving him. Yoda: Hear you nothing that I say? Arrogant little fucker you are. I banish you to that armpit planet he did come from. -- Chuck "Shut up! Shut up! You think I like being stuck here in limbo with you?! NO!!! GET ON YOUR ORANGE AND YELLOW KNEES AND KISS MY CLOWN FEET THAT I HAVEN'T KILLED YOU!!!"
"Matthew Hyde"wrote in message news:3AAF9B57.B7E8D4AC@mtu.edu... > Every time Bones says, "He's dead Jim." There is never ever any trauma > on the body and he never ever acts like a real doctor or tries to revive > the guy. > "He's dead Jim." "You've barely looked at him." "I'm a doctor, I know." "Why don't you try to revive him?" "It's too much like work." "What?!" "I said it's too late for him." "Wait, is he still breathing?" "No, just a nerve twitch." "I saw him move." "He's dead. Watch." [begins kicking him in the head] "Bones, stop it!" "See! All dead." "Bones, he's trying to fight you off!" "No he's not. Stay dead you stupid-" "Bones for the love of God!" "*huff* *huff* See.... dead." -- Chuck
Actually recorded in the Bible (and obviously not an April Fool's Day joke) "In those days C.S. Augustus issued a decree that all the world should vote for him. This was the first that took place while Kynes was maintainer of the R&R. And so Aron Kerkhof got up from the town of Mooresville, in Indiana, because he belonged to the house and line of Galactec. He brought with him Raven, who was expecting a child. And Rob Dalton, who had not yet cut his hair and was therefore still filled with his great strength, killed a thousand philistines with Deimos' jawbone." And then there's a passage about BDZing a planet in an hour, but I forget the reference. -- Chuck http://www.sfdebris.com
"Kazuaki Shimazaki"wrote in message news:3ACE6E96.3D8A@netvigator.com... > Well, what if we call this a part of the Fic, only a fraction of a > chapter which wasn't meant to be a main battle scene (pretty damn > obvious because we're using a mere gunship :)) to start with with a > minor character. Under these qualifications, would it be better, Chuck? If it was in context it might be better. However, the name "Gonar" must go; it sounds like some kind of genital radar. "My Gonar is going off. There's definitely pussy nearby, captain!" -- Chuck http://www.sfdebris.com
> Yep, I'll even promise not to mock it for at least 3 episodes.
>
We couldn't even make it through the first episode of Voyager without doing
that. It was just too sad.
We had a whole slew of people in my dorm room for the opening episode, and
we were all excited. I think it all started crashing when Janeway first
opened her mouth to Tom Paris and we got to hear those nicotine-stained
vocal cords for the first time. After her insistence on being called only
captain except "in a crunch" we referred to her as Captain Crunch for the
next month.
By the end people were being just brutal. Chakotay falls and breaks his leg
on the stairs. Someone yells "Why don't you spirit walk out of there,
Tonto!" Everyone started getting nicknames: Elfqueen (for Kes), Benson
(Neelix), Kirk Jr. (Paris), Hormone (Torres), and Two-Fuck (Tuvok). It
wasn't until Parallax that Chakotay got the name Chocolate Day.
Anyway, Voyager shattered my ability to be optimistic when it comes to Trek.
--
Chuck
I went to a Wendy's drive thru today, and when I pulled up to the window I found out the window cashier (male) had: black nail polish, mascara, about four lip rings, and two spikes protruding nearly an inch out of his chin. Now, some of you may dress that way and find it fashionable, and to each their own. But if you were the manager, why would you put someone like that in a position where they regularly come in contact your customers? I can just imagine the guy they bumped back to working the grill. "Welcome to Wendy's. I am Lord Mortica, prince of all that is dark and evil, and you will BOW DOWN BEFORE ME! MWAHAHAHA!!! It's all me, my will, MY WILL, NOT YOURS! I've got the keys to the kingdom! That's right, I'm the god, I'M THE GOD!!!!! Would you like to try a combo today?" -- Chuck http://www.sfdebris.com
"Dalton"wrote in message news:3AFE0505.E548FE41@daltonator.net... > Durandal wrote: > > > > MKSheppard wrote: > > > > > Cuz in "Homestead", the Talaxians are getting energy > > > from geothermal energy on an asteroid. > > > > > > WTF?!?!?!?1? > > > > I just wouldn't ask. This ranks right up there with baryon sweeps and > > cracks in event horizons. > > My God, that sounds like some sort of sick Fetish porn flick. > > "SWEEP MY BARYONS, BITCH! OH, DEEPER INTO THE CRACK OF MY EVENT HORIZON, > YOU MAGNIFICENT BEAST!" > "Please state the nature of this sexual emergency." bow-chaka-chaka-bow-wow...
[a crackle of electricity as a silhouette solidifies into the shape of a man in a strange uniform] Helmsman: Captain? Sam: Hmm? Helmsman: Should I engage the warp? Sam: Warp? Oh yes, sure. Engage away. [pauses] Number one, you have the bridge.[walks off, appears in Ready Room] Al: Nice threads. Sam: Al, what's going on? Al: Ah, well, according to Ziggy, you've leaped into the body of Scott Bakula, an out of work actor who's now helming a new series for the science fiction show Star Trek. Sam: I see. And what's my job here? Al: Um, you are [bangs controller] you need to ensure that all Star Trek continuity is completely destroyed. Sam: That sounds hard. Al: Not to worry. You'll be aided by two men: Rick Berman and Brannon Braga. Ziggy estimates that you have a 99.99% chance of success. Sam: Sounds pretty good. Al: The only chance of failure is if they're both hit by a falling asteroid. Sam: Both men getting hit by one single asteroid is only .01%? Al: Yeah, well, God has been gunning for them ever since season four of Deep Space Nine. -- Chuck http://www.sfdebris.com
"Kynes" <kynes@choam.org> wrote in message
news:KbCP6.21795$CD5.11446884@news2.rdc2.tx.home.com...
> "Chuck" <sonn@sfdebris.com> wrote in message
> news:9emq4h$7r4a$1@ID-64862.news.dfncis.de...
>
> > "Raven Ford" <rave16@swbell.net> wrote in message
> > news:9emhnt$6j9k$1@ID-63060.news.dfncis.de...
> > > I'm rather tired of cis.dfn.de crapping out on me all of the time. So,
> > > does anyone else know of any good free newservers?
> > >
> > [shrug] You get what you pay for.
>
> There's a tithing or indulgences joke there somewhere, but after hitting
> at it several times with my +4 Pickaxe of Composition, still nothing. So just
> think of one and post it, since you're pretty funny too.
Art thou paying too much for web access?
Is waiting for thy messages a living purgatory?
Then thou needs to check out Crazy Jehovah's Markdown Madness Sale!
At Crazy J's we're dropping fire and brimstone on the competition and
passing the savings onto thee!
Low prices nailed up all over the store!
A pox on thee if thou tries to find lower prices elsewhere! Crazy J will
meet or beat any competitor's price, GUARANTEED!
[Offer not valid in Alaska, Hawaii and Peurto Rico. Crazy Jehovah is a
registered trademark of Holy Roller Enterprises and is not in any way
associated with the Jehovah's Witnesses or Pat Robertson.]
--
Chuck
"Kynes" <kynes@choam.org> wrote in message news:iXeW6.284037$oc7.18287293@news2.rdc2.tx.home.com... > > Oh come on Kynes, we know the history behind what you said there. Don't > > act all innocent. > > What history? What are you talking about? There is no Biblical "Second > Base OF HADES!!" prohibition. > But the Bible does contain the first warnings about health risks from smoking marijuana. II Kings 4:20 - "Oh man of God, there is death in the pot!" And it was after this that they started putting warning labels on cigarette packs. -- Chuck http://www.sfdebris.com