------------------------------------------------------------ Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars Subject: LT.HIT-MAN's fan fic showcase review 5 From: "HIT-MAN" Date: Fri, 13 Aug 1999 06:11:55 -0400 LT.HIT-MAN walked into the main and he had a troubled look on his cold dead face that not only had the Federation prisoners worried but his own man where starting wonder if they where going to live though this prison run and if they did they where seriously considering early retirement. LT.HIT-MAN was pacing around like an angry predatory beast, slowly he walked passed the rows of lined up prisoners keeping his eyes locked on the far wall at the end of the main prisoner cell block there was a strained silence save for the rhythmic sound of LT.HIT-MAN's boots as he walked by. The Stromtroopers start to finger the triggers on there E-11's nervously this was so unlike LT.HIT-MAN by now there would have been a fan fic reviewed and there would be dead bodies to dispose of but all LT.HIT-MAN was doing was just walking. Suddenly LT.HIT-MAN slammed his right foot down on the deck plates and it echoed thought out the cell block like the tolling bell of doom. " You know there has been an explosion of fan fic's ever since I had to disappear for awhile." He said and there was a strange look of joyous wonder on his face, strange because LT.HIT-MAN was never happy and if he was he never ever showed it and that raised everyone's pulse rate close to the point of cardiac arrest " So because of the number of fan fic's there is no way I can review all of them on a one to one biases." he said to them and there was a smile on his face The Fed prisoners started to tremble in fear as visions of mass graves filled with bloody, broken and charred body sprung to mind LT.HIT-MAN saw the looks of fear on the prisoner's tried and grim faces even on the faces of the few vulcan prisoners as he pressed the button on the remote " Here is a list of fan fic's and there blaster ratings." LT.HIT-MAN said simply as a holo sprung to life. " Domination part 14 by Baron Kenneth von Lowe 10 out of 10, Empire Reborn prologue by Durandal 10 out 10, all of the Where angels fear to tread, BA: Battle of Sol, Prelude, Interlude, Oath of Allegiance by Jonathan Boyd 10 out 10 " LT.HIT-MAN looks at the prisoners and smiles to himself as the looks fear on there faces starts to deep as the list of fan fics rolls on " The Federation's end, The Hunt, Expansion, The Empire scouts out the Federation and Galaxy of War 10 out of 10 all done by Michael January." some of the prisoners start to moan this was getting worse and with each passing moment "Chapters 13 and 14 of Conquest by Michael Wong 10 out of 10, Parts 2, 3, 4A,B,C,D of (IP) Revenge and Loyalty by Nathan " The Enforcer" Yates 10 out of 10." LT.HIT-MAN smiled as he said out loud so everyone could hear him " You know at this rate I may have to off some of my own men as well as to fill the blaster rating for all these fan fics, maybe." The fear everyone including LT.HIT-MAN's own men hung in the air like a thick fog as the image of an SSD inhabited by LT.HIT-MAN alone burned in there minds like a super nova " The Outpost, Grand Admiral Thrawn vs Q, LT.HIT-MAN vs Worf ( departed ) BY Admiral Mark Sheppard 10 out of 10 Worlds with out end by Chuck Sonnenburg 10 out of 10, May the force be with Q by Talon Karred 10 out of 10, Wormholes by Vegrad Valberg 10 out of 10" LT.HIT-MAN started to reach of his light saber this was taking to lone he need blood right now " No I have to keep cool, got to stick to the plan!" LT.HIT-MAN thought to himself and forced his hand away from his light saber though an act of sheer will power but soon there would be the rich coppery scent of freshly spilled fear laden blood and the rich meaty scent of burnt flesh " Total War by Booby Hardenbrook 10 out of 10, The Vortext by Sam 10 out of 10, Little Red Riding Hood by Major Tierce 10 out of 10." " Little red riding hood what hell is that shit." one of klingon prisoner said with a snort of contempt " I know what you mean who would be stupid enough to name a fan fic like that?" a romluan prisoners said as she shook her head. LT.HIT-MAN looked the two prisoners as the rest of the prisoners moved away from them at near warp speed " I take it you do not like the name of this fic?" LT.HIT-MAN asked as he cracked his knuckles loudly, sounding much like the snapping of a neck then quickly added " Now you shall pay for your lack of vision.!" and slowly raised his hand towards the two prisoners " NO! NOT THAT!" the male klingon screamed in fear sounding like a little girly man, " ANYTHING BUT THAT!" the female romlaun added as they began to reach for there throats " YES THAT!" LT.HIT-MAN snarled as he reached out with the force and crushed the klingon's testicles in an explosive spray of pulped flesh then using the force he slowly ripped out the romaluan's ovaries and uterus in a title wavy of green blood as there tortured shrieks chilled everyone to the bone but to LT.HIT-MAN is was music to his ears. A few of the prisoners where slowly walking towards the two prisoners who could not keep there mouths shut but a low growl from LT.HIT-MAN froze them in there tracks, after they died LT.HIT-MAN snapped his fingers and two stromtroopers grabbed the klingon and romluan by there ankles and dragged them away to the nearest air lock. The other prisoners just staired at LT.HIT-MAN in utter horror " Perhaps you think you are being treated unfairly ? " LT.HIT-MAN said as his face became a mask of cold lifeless stone " Now shall we continue?" The prisoners settled down and waited " Good I knew you'd see things my way." LT.HIT-MAN then pushed the button on the remote " Offtime by Andy 4 out of 10, Saber's Fury by Bigba 10 out of 10, Legends of the Empire by Major Tierce 10 out of 10, Blaze of Glory, Honor Bound by Rob Dalton 10 out of 10." " These fan fics are an example of mindless drivel something I can not stand!" LT.HIT-MAN yells scarring the kriff out of everyone " Second Contact, Janeway's Surprise by a troll known only as Paul Jacques H.JR and Q and Emperor Paltpatine, Q and Yoda, Borg and Death Star by Sean P Collins." I have place a 50,000 Imperial credit bounty on the troll Paul alive and brought to me, oh how he will suffer for his bondless idiocy!" LT.HIT-MAN has the look on his face like he wants to turn someone into reactor shielding and a fresh round of fear grabs everyone by the nads " As for Sean I just did not like this fics so they get zero out of ten blaster bolts LT.HIT-MAN says as he starts to relax and gets on with the review " Q and Yoda - Alternate ending by Robert Williams, Borg and Death Star by Wedge Antilles" get a 1 out of ten only because it's a happy ending fic LT.HIT-MAN says as he has a droid bring in sixty 20 gallon coffee pots and pass out a cup to everyone including his own men for a moment no one moves towards the coffee until LT.HIT-MAN asks a prisoner to pick out a random pot once one was picked out LT.HIT-MAN get's himself a cup and starts to drink it down until it's empty and pours himself another. everyone there, prisoner and stromtrooper alike have themselves a cup " The good old day or TGOD was a funny post about killing your friends and other people in the NG is funny and creative ways by people in the NG know as Alt Star trek vs Startwars so it get's 10 out of 10 " " Now we have some humor fan fic I loved them all so they all get 10 out 10 blaster bolts" LT.HIT-MAN says with a smile that has all the warmth of space After everyone has a few cups of coffee LT.HIT-MAN gets up from his seat and there is a soulless look in his eyes " NOW it's time!" he snarls " You know what happens when a fan fic get's reviewed by me." LT.HIT-MAN smiles as he pulls out the remote slowly, letting the prisoners get a long and unwanted look at the remote as fear sweeps though them all " You know there has been a lot of fan fic reviewed so there's going to be a whole lot of dying going on." LT.HIT-MAN pushes another button on the remote and the hologram with the fan fic listing changes to show a planet and in orbit is a death star! " Do you really think the Emperor would only have two of them if so you where sadly mistaken." LT.HIT-MAN tells everyone there as there blood runs cold " Admiral Dalaa you may fire when ready." LT.HIT-MAN says into his com link and there is a massive build up around the Death star's super laser that holds for a few agonizing seconds before the green beam of death slams into Freganar blasting the plant into dust. There is a deathly silence in the cell block then a prisoner starts to clap his hands then another one cheers and so the whole cell block is a mad house of cheering and wild drinking thanks to the coffee that LT.HIT-MAN had bought in for them. " Yes the Feringi where useless the Empire will not tolerate there dirty deal and thievery any longer as we speak every last Ferringi is being hunted down like dogs." LT.HIT-MAN say to the overjoyed prisoners and stromtroopers who thought that there lives where going to end, The orion crime syndicate had moved to Ferganar and Imperial intelligence had gotten wind of it so they decided to get rid of them as well, the Ferrngi where the star trek version of Star Wars jawas, ewoks and gungens utterly useless " Well that's it for LT.HIT-MAN's fan fic show case review, there's no more fan fic to review so it's the end." LT.HIT-MAN had told them all as he was making his way to the cell block exit and there was a breath of relief from everyone there who took a moment to say a silent prayer to what ever gods they believed in that there where alive " Or is it?, after all there are some newcomers to the NG and you know that there will be more fan fic for me to review, have a nice day. " LT.HIT-MAN said and the only sound to be heard was the sound of 10,000 bladder all releasing at once. END ?