From: "HIT-MAN" Subject: LT.HIT-MAN's fan fic review show case 2 That's right, guy and gal's, The LT has read over some fanfics and has put out the ratings. Enjoy and be cool if I have not reviewed your fanfic. I'll be getting to it. Fade to the modified mess hall aboard the Imperial prison ship _Shattered Souls_. LT.Hit-Man is standing on a raised dais with two E-WEBs pointed towards the Federation prisoners "Well now. My commanding officers were not too pleased with my last fanfic review." LT.Hit-Man smiled as he saw the prisoners starting to panic as he stared at them and then he added: "They were concerned that my random shootings would incite an uprising back on Earth. They put me in charge of this prison ship so that I could carry on with my fanfic reviews without starting a rebellion, that'swhy your here." One Fed prisoner worked up the courage to ask where they where being taken to before another fed prisoners slapped him saying " What are you crazy your going to get us all killed!" LT.Hit-Man looked down at the prisoner who had asked the question. "You have the right to know where you're going. You are all being taken to work in the mines on Trayornya 9." With that, he calmly pulled his E-11 up and shot the other prisoner who had slapped the prisoner who had asked the question, enjoying the fear that Trayornya 9 instilled in the Fed prisoners. Trayornya 9 was a hell-world. It had been the sight of one of the few major conflicts that the Empire had fought when they had taken over the Milky-Way Galaxy. There had been extensive use of chemical, biological and nuclear weapons that had turned the surface of Trayornya 9 into a hell-zone of mutagens that had mutated the few native animals into monsters that preyed on anything that moved. Most notable among them was the Grothack, a giant snaky-like monster that had fangs the size of a small 20th century car. The Grothack was over sixteen meters long and ten meters in height. But Trayornya 9 was rich in carbon-88, a highly radioactive element that the Empire used in it's proton warheads. Needless to say, anyone "assigned" to work on Trayornya had a life expectancy of about six days - eight if you were lucky, before dying of radiation poisoning or dying as there bodies were twisted by the mutagens in the atmosphere. Along with these horrors, the prisoners would be prayed upon by other slaves who had become deranged from some of the chemicals in the atmosphere. To all this, there were the random beatings and tortures dealt out by the Stormtroopers who guarded the mines. Naturally, they were pissed off at having been sent to such a place. It was well known that if you fucked up in the Imperial armed forces you got shit-canned to such place, not as a slave worker, unless you *really* fucked up, but as an overseer to keep the mines going. Without them, the prisoners were ripped apart by mutated monsters at a depressingly high rate. After LT. Hit-Man had finished describing what the Federation prisoners could look forward to as they started their new "jobs" on Trayornya 9, more then a few of them fainted. As he looked down on the prisoners, he saw that a few of them had pissed themselves. LT.Hit-Man had the ones who had soiled themselves taken away, not to be spaced or shot - no, they were not that lucky. They were being locked away and watched so that they did not kill themselves, for LT.Hit-Man was going to have them assigned to the worst jobs in the mines, where death would be a blessing compared to what he had in store for them. "OK, now that we had that taken care of, let's get on with the fanfic review, shall we?" LT.Hit-Man said as he caressed the trigger on his E-11. After all, they had some time before they reached Trayornya 9 and they had a surplus of prisoners to play games with. After the Fed prisoners settled down as best they could, LT.Hit-Man spoke. "First up is 'Federation's End' by Michael January. It's a short fanfic and it's well thought out but a bit too one-sided for my tastes, so I give it an eight out of ten blaster bolts." Eight prisoners were led up to the dais and to a smiling LT.Hit-Man. "The blaster bolt rating system used to score the fanfic is the standard way in which we rate our fanfics. However, that's not the way I'm going to deal with you pissants. No, you're not getting off that easy." LT.Hit-Man took out a remote and pushed a button. A light came on in front of a force cage that was on the dais. Inside was a Grothack. The Federation prisoners were starting to get to their feet, ready to charge LT.Hit-Man and the other Stormtroopers, but found themselves unable to move due to the stasis fields that had sprung up around them. "This is the most dominant life-form on Trayornya 9. What you learn here may let you live to see another day, so pay attention." With that said, he had the eight prisoners dumped into the force cage where the Grothack ripped the prisoners into bloody chunks of dead meat and severed limbs. "Well now, was that informative, wasn't it, eh?" LT. Hit-Man said as he sat down and had himself a drink, the air in the modified mess hall was a little too dry for his tastes. "Next up is 'Expansion' by Michael January. Now this is much better than 'Federation's End'. I give it a full ten out of ten blaster bolts." LT. Hit-Man said as he personally picked out ten Federation prisoners and had them led to the containment tank that had replaced the force cage on the dais. "Now, this is what the atmosphere of Trayornya 9 is like, so pay attention because this just might save your lives." LT.Hit-Man then turned his head and gave a quick nod to the Stormtroopers that were pushing the prisoners toward the containment tank with their E-11's. Once they were inside the tank, LT.Hit-Man pushed a button on the remote in his hand and the valves on the tanks that held some of the atmosphere of Trayornya 9 opened, and the tanks vented into the containment tank. The ten Federation prisoners died a horrible lingering death, some of then had their lungs seared by the chemicals in the atmosphere, or their cells exploded from the intense radiation, or their bodies were twisted and changed by the mutagens in the air. Most of the ten prisoners died within thirty seconds after they were exposed to the atmosphere. Thirty seconds of unbelievable agony. LT.Hit-Man told the prisoners to sit down and relax if they could and that it was dinner time as the server droids came into the mess hall and gave they prisoners their "food". It was a thin grey paste full of nutrients and everything needed to live, but it tasted like a cross between wet cardboard and glue. "That's right, eat it all up, because you'll be needing your strength for the mines." LT.Hit-Man said before laughing as he saw the looks of revulsion on the prisoner's faces as they ate their dinner. "What the hell is this crap!!!" one federation prisoner yelled as she threw her plate on the floor. The other prisoners around her started to move away from her. LT.Hit-Man walked up to her. He towered over her a full head and a half, and he leaned down, and put his scared face close to her's as she leaned back in fear. "Leola root stew, that's what you're eating right now." he said to her. With a snap of his fingers, Neelix was dragged into the mess hall. "You all can thank him." LT.Hit-Man pointed at Neelix who started to cower as the prisoners glared at him. "Furthermore, he's the new cook for the mining camp that you're being sent to." LT.Hit-Man waited until the prisoners quieted down and added, "If anyone harms him, I'll be back and I'll not be too happy about it." LT.Hit-Man turned suddenly, the laser sight in his cyber-eye moving with the motion of his head until it stopped in the middle of someone's forehead. After a few tense seconds, he walked back to the dais. "OK now, for some dinner-time entertainment, this fanfic is 'May the force be with Q' by Talon Karrde." LT.Hit-Man said to the prisoners as they forced down their dinner. "Now, this fanfic has some possibilities - Q as a human and the Enterprise stranded in our Galaxy and since this is only part one and has yet to progress, I'm giving it a five out of ten for now, but the blaster rating might go up when part two rolls around." LT.Hit-Man picked out five prisoners, the chick who had raised a fuss about their dinner was one of them. He had the server droids bring the five prisoners a serving of Leola root stew and when they finished eating, he waited. In a few minutes, the five prisoners were rolling the floor holding their guts. "One thing you will have to watch out for when you start working in the mines is Dolitvir boring grubs. They somehow get into the food supplies and lay their eggs in it." LT.Hit-Man watched as the grubs ate their way through the prisoners' guts in a bloody spray of chewed organs. The other prisoners fought down the urge to puke as LT.Hit-Man fried the grub infested bodies with a flamethrower and then had the server droids clean up the mess. "Now this next fanfic is one I'm sure you'll find interesting. It's called 'Grand Admiral Thrawn vs. Q' by MKSheppard, it's short, sweet and savage, so it get's a seven out of ten blaster bolts." Seven prisoners were dragged out from the group of five hundred, but before they could be shot down, there was a bright flash of light, and standing there was Q dressed in a set of Stormtrooper armor. "Q, I have warned you time and again not to interfere with my work. Now you shall pay the price for you foolishness." LT.Hit-Man said with a chilling grin. "Oh now, let's not be like that Hitty." Q said as he walked over to LT.Hit-Man "I could turn you into a pile of steaming bantha dung, you know." LT.Hit-Man just smiled. "You have no idea with who you're dealing with, do you, you arrogant fool." LT.Hit-Man reached out with his force powers and stripped Q of his powers, shielding the fact that Q had no powers from him. Needless to say, Q is shocked when he tries to turn LT.Hit-Man into a Bantha's sweaty asshole and LT.Hit-Man is still standing there smiling. "Only in the end do you understand the full power of the Force." LT.Hit-Man says to Q, who is starting to panic as fear starts to set in. LT.Hit-Man turns to the seven prisoners and tells them that it was because of Q's interference that the Empire found out about the Milky-Way galaxy and came to conquer it. It's a lie, of course, by they don't know that. "Because of Q, your lives have been tuned upside down, your Federation is no more, your friends are lost and you belong to me now." The prisoners had heard about Q, and from what they had learned about Q it did not seem that this was too far-fetched and the prisoners were starting to get angry. "That's right, let your hate make you strong. Kill Q and I'll spare you from the mines." LT.Hit-Man said to the seven prisoners who were looking at Q, hate burning brightly in their eyes. Before Q could say a word, the seven prisoners where on Q like a pack of rabid pit-bulls and with one last blood-curdling scream, Q was dead, ripped into bloody pieces by the seven prisoners. "And now, I shall keep my word." LT.Hit-Man says to the prisoners as he calmly shoots down the seven prisoners. He then turned to the other prisoners, and calmly told them that now that they're dead, they will not have to work in the mines. With that, the other prisoners realized that those who died on this trip would be the lucky ones. With that realization, the last of their hopes was shattered, and they resigned themselves to their fates. "So, let's see what we have next." LT.Hit-Man pushed a button on the remote and the computer picked a fanfic at random. "This fanfic is called 'GALAXY OF WAR' by Michael January." The prisoners started to panic as they saw LT.Hit-Man smiling. This smiles was not the cold icy smile they had all come to know and fear. No, this was a true smile of happiness, and seeing Hit-Man happy was something no one had ever seen before, and that was what scared them so badly. "I mean, this fanfic has it all - big space battles, lots of ground action, I love it! Two thumbs off the safetys and ten out of ten blaster bolts!" Ten prisoners were led to an airlock and shoved out of it. Their deaths were quick. As you can tell, LT.Hit-Man was in a good mood. He looked down at the frightened prisoners. It was going to be a long trip. FINS