LT.HIT-MAN'S Fan fic showcase review by: hitman The scene opens to a large room with row upon row of seats much like a movie theater. The guests are lead in to take there seats they are the federation prisoners of the mighty Galactic Empire. After everyone is settled in as best as they can under given circumstances, a few of them start talking among themselves wondering why they have been lead from there cells to this building but they stop talking when they see the feared LT.HIT-MAN of the Imperial army make his way to the podium and in a loud drill sargent type voice he says to them "All right listen up you maggots you have been brought here because there is some thing called fan fic, fan fic is stories that are written after we have conquered a new galaxy (HIT-MAN is lying because what he has in store or the former Fed's would never be allowed under the Imperial rules of war cornering prisoners of war) All fan fic is based on the 'What-if' premise and is told from the writers personal point of view." LT.HIT-MAN stops speaking to let his words sink in when someone from the audience said "We know what fan fic is you sick bastard! " With a grin on his scarred face, he said, "Yes I am" and pulled out his blaster and burned down the lippy Fed prisoner " You be thankful that I had taken you from you back breaking work and given you a chance to relax and unwind." He looks out on the ex-feds seeing there fear staring to build as he watched them " Yes you see we are here to review the fine works of many good fan fic writers who have had there fic posted at this site." Pulls out what looks like an old tv remote control and clicks a button and there is a holo that comes to life with the following words " http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Quadrant/7762/index.html " " So let's enjoy shall we and to ensure the " proper " mood I have brought the good men of the 188th hell-bringer squadron " snaps his fingers and fifty stromtroopers barged though the doors surrounding the Feds with E-11's pointed at them and set up on either side of LT.HIT-MAN are two E-WEBS pointed at the front rows of prisoners " Because they had served so well in crushing the now dead Federation under the Empire's boots they have been promoted to prisoner moral officers, you lucky devils " LT. HIT-MAN just watches are the server droids come in and hand each of the pris- errr guests a bag of pop-corn and a big glass of soda pop " Enjoy after all we're not barbarians like you feds when you took our leaders and citizens prisoners and subjected them to harsh torture." ( see IST3k and RST3k) " So with out further delay let's give it for the LT.HIT-MAN's SW VS ST fan fic review.!" At first there is dead silence then a few claps here and there that grows into a dull roar as the stromtroopers point there E-11's at the feds in a menacing manner as the hauntingly beautiful strains of the Imperial March is played in the background. " Thank you thank you your to kind!" LT.HIT-MAN says with mock sincerity " First up on the LONG list." some of the fed prisoners start to groan but are quickly given some thing else to groan about as blaster rifle stocks are slammed in to the ribs and faces of the groaning fed prisoners " is Imperial Phoenix by Admiral MK Sheppered. " " Imperial Phoenix has everything that a good fan fic should have, a good plot depth to the players lost of good kick ass combat, not simple shoot the enemy ships and lose a few of our own there is lots of detail to the combat scenes and it is well spun off from main stream fiction." LT.HIT-MAN looks out at the Fed prisoners as they start to squirm in there seats " On a scale of one to ten blaster bolts I give it an eight only because it is unfinished." and eight Fed prisoners are shot down at random and after the fed prisoner have calmed down LT.HIT-MAN starts to speak " Next up is LT. HIT-MAN'S Journal, That's right lady and gents it's the story about yours truly, where I came from and how I got to know you all so well." LT.HIT-MAN looks down on the feds and flashes them a smile so cold and devoid of humanity that some of the weaker prisoners start to wet themselves " I give it eight out of ten blaster bolts because it is still undone because we still cleaning up after the war in which we the Empire kicked your asses!" LT.HIT-MAN snarls and shoots down eight of the prisoners himself (he had told the men of the 188th on how there review was to be handled who would shoot who and what not) One of the fed prisoners starts to clap his hands in a pitiful display boot licking, LT.HIT-MAN has the man dragged away to be dealt with at his leisure once the review was over with " Now this next fan fic called Imperial Domination by author unknown is a well done piece of work Not as good as some of the other works I have read but it's much better then the average fan fic so I give it a seven out of ten blaster bolts." LT.HIT-MAN nods his head and seven feds at turned into ashes LT.HIT-MAN sits down and has a drink as the scrubber droids come and vacuum up the ashes of the chard feds. " This next fan fic I found to be a disappointment I'm sorry to say a cross between Buffy vampire slayer and SW VS ST just does not sit well with me." The Fed prisoners start to tremble with fear as they see the scowl on LT.HIT-MAN's face and for a moment they consider getting up and charging the stromtroopers and trying to fight there way out thinking that they we all going to be gunned down because of a bad fan fic but when LT.HIT-MAN tells then that the fan fic called Mara Jade Borg slayer by Major Tierce gets four out of ten blaster bolts they sit down and first four feds to stand up are shot dead. As the four carcasses are being dragged away by the droids LT.HIT-MAN tells the fed prisoners that the next fan fic done by Major Tierce called Pawn or Thrawn is a good cloak and dagger fan fic that keeps you guess as to what happens next and it more then makes up for the other fan fic from Major Tierce and it gets a seven out of ten blaster bolts. LT.HIT-MAN " asks " fourteen prisoners to get up and stand before him. " Ok it's up to each and everyone of you to decide if your going to live so you will fight almost yourselves and the seven that are left stand will liv-" LT.HIT-MAN never got to finish what he was saying because the fourteen prisoners caught on to what he was saying and after five minutes of ruthless and bloody hand to hand combat that pitted two brothers a wife and husband ageist each other LT.HIT-MAN had his winners and out of the seven losers three of them had died in the fight. As the other four where shot LT.HIT-MAN looked out at the rest of the fed prisoners " I knew that you new Imperial citizens where just a ruthless and blood thirsty as us Imperials, given the right motivation ." LT.HIT-MAN had the other seven prisoners taken away and put with the rest of the prisoners, betting that once the word spread about what these prisoners had done to save there own skins there lives where going to be made a living hell before the other prisoners killed them when no one was looking, Jail house justice has it's own way of dealing with cowards. " Ok next up is Oath of the Jedi by Kynes Highwind very well done fan fic that gets eight out of ten blaster bolts I hope to see more of his work he has the potential to be a great fan fic writer." LT.HIT-MAN could see that the fed prisoners where starting to get edgey as eight E-11's fired at once dropping eight Feds to the floor and decided to take a brake and started to eat from his own bag of pop-corn as did the men of the 188th only a few of the prisoners ate and LT.HIT-MAN wondered why but in the end he did not care and just kept eating his pop-corn. After he was done LT.HIT-MAN had two droid bring in a large cage that was cover by a black cloth and from the cage there was a low growling as if made by some large beast, the cage was 15 meters high and 40 meters long. " This next fan fic is a real piece of work it's called Conquest By Michael Wong this is by far one of the best fan fic I have ever had good luck to read." LT.HIT-MAN looked at the feds and he just smirked as he laid out a bomb shell on them " I mean who would have thought that Captain Picard would turn traitor!" ( HIT-MAN was lying after all he would not know if Picard would betray the Federation until the next chapter of Conquest) and when he saw the looks of out rage and fear in there eyes one prisoner even had the guts to call him a liar. "Don't be sure after all the truth can sometime be more devastating then a lie could ever be, in my books these fan fic get's a nine out of ten blaster bolts, looks like Sheppered has some coemption on his hands." Nine prisoners where lead to the top of the cage and given blasters "Good luck, you'll need it!" with that said they where pushed into the cage just as the cloth was dropped from the front of it to reveal a rancor. The fed prisoners just started in horror was the 'lucky' contestants were ripped apart by the rancor, there blasters being as useful as a wet cloth to stop the super laser of the DS2 some of the feds start to puke as they saw there friends being ripped to bloody pieces by the enraged rancor some of them fainted once the rancor was done LT.HIT-MAN had the stromtroopers who where maning the two E-WEB'S open fire on the rancor and after about five minutes the great beast was dead. As the prisoners where being lead back to the prison, LT.HIT-MAN told them that was all for now but soon he would have them back for another instalment of LT.HIT-MAN'S Fan fic review show case. END