From: tierce@my-dejanews.com A long time ago, in a newsgroup far, far away..... Imperial Science Theather 3000 Chapter Four: A Lost Hope It is a dark time for the Galatic Empire. Starfleet cowards violated the almighty FAQ and summoned Q to kidnap the boldest leaders of the mighty Empire in hopes to strike a servere blow to the Imperial Navy. The All Powerful and Wise Palpatine forsees trouble with his greatest commanders held hostage and marshals the Imperial fleet to rescue his loyal followers. Trapped onboard a Federation satelite: Lord Vader, Mara Jade, Grand Admirial Thrawn, Admirial Daala, Captain Needa and Prince Xizor cannot even imagine what the Evil United Federation of Planets has instore for our brave Imperial Heroes.... ----- Onboard the Federation satelite, Redshirt One, Our five Imperials are escorted to their prison, with ensigns armed with phaser rifles. A giantic veiwscreens turns itself on. Picard (on the screen): Welcome. I hope our men haven't been too rough on you. Mara: What these pussycats. What can they do. Pick the lint off our clothes with their vaccuum cleaners. The only reason why we're here is because you cheated by using Q. Picard: The FAQ permits the use of Q. Data: Actually sir, the FAQ clearly that the use of Q or any other onmipotent being is strictly... Picard: Quite Data. (Q Appears next to Picard.) Q: Well, I kept my end of the bargain Sean Luc. Now it's time to keep yours. Picard: Very well, Mr. Riker. (Riker hands a datapad to Q.) Q: Okay, I better lay low for now. Imagine what will happen if Phong finds out if I interfered. (Q begins to vanish, but Thrawn interupts him.) Thrawn: What was Picard's end of the bargain. What is so important that it is worth risking Phong's wrath? Q: Captain Janeway's phone number. Maybe I can try get in the shack with her. I failed the first time. Mara: What a minute. With all of your powers, you cannot get a woman to sleep with you!?! (The Imperials laughs their asses off.) Mara: Man, this is rich.... Q: Stop laughing at me..... Stop it.... I mean it..... (Q starts to burst in tears, and disappears from humilation.) Picard: Good going, you destroyed his self esteem. He might try and commit suicide now. The Imperials: Good! Picard: Laugh it up while you can. Because you'll be the ones sorry after we're through with you. Xizor: What do you have in mind? Data: Our torturing process is based off the old TV show Mystery Science Theather 3000. It involves you people being forced to read idoitic posts by known trolls in a atempt to drive. Picard: Since your ships are vastly superior, your might is so much better, and you minds are so much smarter. We figured this is the best way to defeat you. Picard out. (The veiwscreen goes blank, and the redshirts leave, closing the door with a force field.) he791859@merlin.uqam.ca (PAUL JACQUES H.JR) wrote: > Johan Lindahl (johan.lindahl@mbox301.swipnet.se) wrote: > > Thank God (well I'm actually more of an atheist) that the NRWD seems to > > be!!! > > It might be the right time to start posting to this group again... > > > > Don't get your hopes up! There is a new version now. Daala: God no! That stupid NRWD! Damn, Starfleet is cruel. Thrawn: You actually thought that Starfeet was some big brother uptopia? Deep down, they're just like us. But only we have the guts to admit that we're not the good guys. > * WELCOME * Vader: Shouldn't that read 'Welcome to you worst nightmare'. Needa: Paul doesn't know how to spell nightmare. > **** THE No Restrictions War Document **** > > *** N R W D *** > > *** NRWD *** Xizor: Oh goody! Stupid text art. Mara: Settle down, you're highness, this possible the most intelligent thing in this post. > ----------------------------------------------------------------- > > REASON OF THE WAR Vader: On why we wanna kill Paul. Mara: He's a troll. Thrawn: He's denser than a black hole. Needa: No jury in the world would convict us. Daala: You too cheap to invest in a clue. Xizor: Who needs a reason. Let's just do it. > ADM. THRAWN has learned that the Federation has the plans for the > GENESIS DEVICE. Mara: You have, Thrawn? Thrawn: Well, I've seen ST:2 the Wrath of Kahn. Mara: Any good? Thrawn: Well, yes actually. I was quite surprised since it was a Trek movie. > After failing to get it. He decices to go to war. > The GENESIS DEVICE, in his mind, is a better weapon, than the DS. Mara: Thrawn, fail to get a superweapon. How hard can it be to steal a superweapon from Starfleet? Thrawn: Not that hard. Kahn pulled it off. Daala: Who? Thrawn: The villian in ST:2. Vader: Hence 'the Wrath of Kahn'. > Destroying and creating a planet at the same time. Daala: Okay, what's the point of destroying a planet in the first place, if it's only going to be recreated? Needa: To kill the population. Xizor: Wouldn't it make sense to use the DS. The Genesis device can only be used once. The DS can be used indefiantly. > Q, the arbiter, > has permitted this war only between the Empire and the > Federation/Klingon/Romulans/Rebels. No other race can interfere, > because they are stopped by him. Mara: The Feds, the Klings, and the Roms we can handle. But why does Paul want to throw the rebels in a ST vs SW conflict? Thrawn: What Paul fail to realize is that this is a SW vs ST debate. Not a SW+ST vs SW debate. Right there he proved that SW is superior if he's bent on using the rebels to help the Federation. Vader: Also, he likes to point out how 'inferior' we are because a bunch of rag tag rebels. But yet how can he claim this 'superior' Federation being better than us if he wants to use the same rebels to help his side. Daala: If we knew what happened they how can some of use still be here? Vader, and Xizor should be dead? Mara: Prolly some Trek technobabble bull shit that I don't want to get into... > ------------------------------------------------------------------ > INFORMATION > > Number of ships Federation side: 10000 > Federation Starships: 3000 > Federation Warships (Defian class): 1000 > Klingon: 3000 > Romulan: 3000 > Number of ships Rebels side: 100,000 > Number of ships Empire side: 10,000,000 > Warp is use to evade Empire weapons, because they are slower than c. > Distance between the two galaxies: 200,000 LY > Hyperdrive (127 LY/H) is use by the Empire to reach the Federation > Galaxy. It takes 66 days to reach the Federation. > Slisptream (2,117,647 LY/H) is use by the Federation to reach Empire > space. It takes 6 minutes to reach the Empire. > Leader of the Federation starships: Picard > Leader of the Federation warships: Sisko > Leader of the Klingon ships: Matok > Leader of the Romulan ships: Tomalak > Leader of the Rebels: Leia Xizor: Whoa hoo! Vader: I suggest you stop that. Xizor: Why should.... (Vader uses the Force to choke Xizor)..... ok....ay. Thrawn: Enough of this. Vader release him. Vader: As you wish. > Leader of the Empire: Thrawn. > --------------------------------------------------------------------- > > This is a second FAQ the NRWD. > > When you use this FAQ (NRWD) for debates, you must write, in the > beginning of the title of your thread:*NRWD*. Why? By respect for > the people who are using the original FAQ. This will avoid mix ups. Xizor: If you actually want to show some respect then Paul should respect the wishes of the NG and take the NWRD elsewhere. > Examples: > > *NRWD* ST warships destroys Interdictors. Elam Dukat > *NRWD* Hyper slipstream drive Wisemamal > *NRWD* S. Troupers would be killed by Houdinis Vapspike > *NRWD* A fleet of Sun Crushers against the Romulans. Shadow > Why a second set of FAQ (NRWD)? Because, some people are discontent > with the original FAQ. They want a different sort of debate. > > Is this FAQ (NRWD) better than the original? Yes, it is real war. Thrawn: In a real war, you are limited to what you have available. After all, did the Axis powers have a billion soldiers, stealth bombers, and the Americans on their side? > Are these two FAQs compatible? No, this one is not bias. Mara: Not baised, as in making up advantages that can only apply to ST side? Gee, that's baised to me? > Does this mean, that this NG use two FAQs and you can choose the > debate platform? Yes > > If somebody who uses the original FAQ, answers my thread and says that Q > is not permitted, what do I say? Daala: I'm a retart to can play by the rules. > You say, this is permitted here, I use the NRWD Xizor: not to mention crack. Daala: PCP Needa: LSD Mara: and no common sense. > and not the > original FAQ. > > Do I have the right to use this FAQ (NRWD)? Yes, the internet if for > all. Vader: What does 'it for all' Thrawn: If memory serves me correctly, didn't the NG voted 'no' on this. Mara: But remember, Paul conquered all of his imaginary friends to counter act that vote. While the internet may be free for all, but this NG isn't. This is a simple violating on NG's ettiquttes. > What is permitted with this FAQ (NRWD)? > > *** common sense it the ultimate rule *** Xizor: Then, shouldn't Paul be following that rule. Needa: I wouldn't bother. He's simply won't listen. > -Q is arbiter. Stopping any other race to interfere. > -Seen technologies are permitted. > -Creating new tech with old tech. > -Changing the characters behavior are permitted. Needa: Mara, take you're clothes off! Mara: What the kriff! I swear... Needa: The NWRD says changes in behavior is allowed, so you have to do it... (Mara glares towards Needa, and sends chills down his spine.).... gulp. I'm sorry. (Mara does a quick back chop in Needa's neck. Killing him.) Mara: Apology accepted, Captain Needa. Vader: That's my line. > -Logical extrapolations are permitted. > -The fact that a side didn't use a tactic in a film or episode does > not negate that tactic. Thrawn: You the Federation can spin around in a circle and fire on themselves? Daala: What's the point in that? Thrawn: Paul never said it had to be a good tactic. Daala: Ahh... > -Any new tactic or technology seen once is considered available to be > use again. > > - ... More will come... All: Groan > Good debate! Mara: Not in here. ----- (Meanwhile, back on Coruscant. The Emperor sits on his thrown with his royal guards next to him, as Guri busts in... knocking out the stormtroopers.) Palpatine: Ah, Prince Xizor's bodygaurd. What can I do you for? Guri: Something weird is going on. His excellency, Prince Xizor, and just vanished. Palpatine: He's now the sixth one. Guri: Sixth? Palpatine: Yes, Admirial Ozzel reported that Lord Vader and Captain Needa had vanished from the Executor. Captain Pallaeon reported the same for Thrawn. Tol Sivron says the same happened to Daala at the Maw. And, my hand, Mara Jade, as also disappeared. There is grace distrubance in the Force. Guri: Starfleet! Palpatine: Yes, they somehow captured our most loyal and promising commanders. Guri: Then how do we account for Daala? Palpatine: Beats me. Guri: Whatever, something as to be done. I have a responisblity to my Prince. Palpatine: Don't worry, even now I'm preparing to launch a counter strike against the Federation. They'll soon pay for what they've done. -- -Tierce Willow "Sure, in a fascist society." Cordelia "Right! Why can't we have one of those?" -Buffy the Vampire Slayer