Subject: [Fanfic] Stupid is the fire that burns within the long named fiction Date: Thu, 07 Sep 2000 23:10:15 +1200 From: Spyda Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars Once upon a time there was an evil clown named Bob. Bob ruled the galaxy for many years before he died, of gangrene, and was replaced by Paul Jacques. Paul Jacques ruled for many years with an iron bikini that he liked to tie camels up with. He wasn't really a ruler, he fitted the necessary description though; he was a clown, and evil. The only problem was that he was completely stupid. He ended up forcing all the poor citizens of the Federation into an economic depression, which was quite a feat seeming as how they didn't have an economy to begin with. Then one day Boyd ran up to him and shot him in the head with a P.90. Jacques died later that week of a completely unrelated illness, gangrene. Boyd was feeling quite pleased with himself so he went to the planet New Zealand to celebrate the defeat of the evil French Empire. Upon arrival he was stabbed through the stomach repeatedly by the customs official and died, of gangrene. Luckily PREDATOR arrived on the scene and gave him some medicine, unfortunately he remained dead. Everyone arrived at Spyda's place for a huge party. Unfortunately it was a BYO. "Look people, I don't have any money and only the rurals have sheep. If you're looking for entertainment go to the planet Scotland." Just then planet Quebec of the evil French Empire hired a mercenary from outside to take control of the Federation. Just then the Galactic Empire arrived and started blowing shit up. Unfortunately for them the mercenary was Timothy Jones, and his weapons were 50,000 times stronger than theirs. A TIE fighter fired at him and barely gave him a flesh wound. Just then the Federation came to the rescue and kicked his ass with weapons that by his calculations were 3,300,000 times stronger than what the Empire was throwing at him. It was all in his mind of course but half the battle is fought in the mind which is how he was able to keep the Neutronium armoured ships at bay for so long. In the end the entire combined Federation and Imperial fleet destroyed all the evil French Empire. The Feds and the Imps began trading tech and lived in a new era of peace and harmony that wasn't possible with Frenchmen around. Transporters allowed the Storm Troopers to make better surgical strikes. Armoured Redshirts were less susceptible to "Mort accidental bizzaro". The Hyperspace with combined warp drive capabilities meant that the Federation and Empire would explore the stars bringing the bright shining light of humanity to the farthest reaches of the cosmos. Then they all died of gangrene. The end.