Subject: Found on RAST, Funny ST+ Dr Seuss
Date: Sun, 01 Oct 2000 23:22:45 -0500
From: Andras Otto Schneider <andrasotto@olg.com
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars




Morgan McEvoy wrote:
 
 Dr. Seuss does Star Trek... yes!
 
 http://www.cs.virginia.edu/~bah6f/funnies/SeussTNG.html
 
 Picard
       Sigma Indri, that's the star,
       So, Data, please, how far? How far?
 
 Data
       Our ship can get there very fast
       But still the trip will last and last
       We'll have two days til we arrive
       But can the Indrans there survive?
 
 Picard
       LaForge, please give us factor nine.
 
 LaForge
       But, sir, the engines are offline!
 
 Picard
       Offline! But why? I want to go!
       Please make it so, please make it so!
 
 Riker
       But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
       We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
       The danger here is far too great!
 
 Picard
       But surely we must not be late!
 
 Troi
       I'm sensing anger and great ire.
 
 Computer
       Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!
 
 Picard
       The ship's on fire? How could this be?
       Who lit the fire?
 
 Riker
       Not me.
 
 Worf
       Not me.
 
 Picard
       Computer, how long til we die?
 
 Computer
       Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
 
 Data
       May I suggest a course to take?
       We could, I think, quite safely make
       Extinguishers from tractor beams
       And stop the fire, or so it seems...
 
 Geordi
       Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
       Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!
 
 Picard
       Mr. Data, thank you much.
       You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.
 
 Troi
       We still must save the Indran planet --
 
 Data
       Which (by the way) is made of granite...
 
 Picard
       Enough, you android. Please desist.
       We understand -- we get your gist.
       But can we get our ship to go?
       Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.
 
 Geordi
       There's sabotage among the wires
       And that's what started all the fires.
 
 Riker
       We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
       We need to go! We need to go!
 
 Troi
       We must seek out the traitor spy
       And lock him up and ask him why?
 
 Worf
       Ask him why? How sentimental.
       I say give him problems dental.
 
 Troi
       Are any Romulan ships around?
       Have scanners said that they've been found?
       Or is it Borg or some new threat
       We haven't even heard of yet?
       I sense no malice in this crew.
       Now what are we supposed to do?
 
 Crusher
       Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
       They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
       I can't just sit and let them die!
       A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!
 
 Picard
       Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.
 
 Crusher
       They may be dead by Tuesday noon.
 
       *COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
       HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*
 
 Worf
       The saboteur is in the brig.
       He's very strong and very big.
       I had my phaser set on stun --
       A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
       He would not budge, he would not fall,
       He would not stun, no, not at all!
       He changed into a stranger form
       All soft and purple, round and warm.
 
 Picard
       Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
       Did you see this creature morph?
 
 Worf
       I did and then I beat him fairly.
       Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.
 
 Riker
       My commendations, Klingon friend!
       Our troubles now are at an end!
 
 Crusher
       Now let's get our ship to fly
       And orbit yonder Indran sky!
 
 Picard
       LaForge, please tell me we can go...?
 
 Geordi
       Yes, sir, we can.
 
 Picard
       Then make it so!
 
 Morgan McEvoy, morgiemac (@esatclear.ie)
 
 "It's like the laws of physics just went out the window."
    "And why shouldn't they? They're so inconvenient!"