By LordShaithis@webtv.net 

[Fanfic] Imperial Cheeseburger

One day captain Picard was zipping around the galaxy in the
Enterprise-E, waxing his head and waiting for Riker's girdle to bust.
Suddenly a huge triangular Star Destroyer appeared in front of them.
"Sulu, open hailing frequencies!", Picard yelled in a fit of senillity.
Abruptly the commander of the gigantic ship appeared on screen.  It was
famous actor Robert Loggia!  "I demand hamburger excellence!", he
screamed.  Riker's girdle exploded with a pop at the mention of food,
causing one of the buttons to fly across the bridge and embed itself in
Data's positronic brain.  "Fascinating!", Data exclaimed, and fell over
dead.  Picard was undaunted.  He stood up and said proudly "You may
crush our fleets, you may raze our worlds, you may rape our women and
kill our children."  He sat down, looking quite smug.  "What the fuck?",
Robert Loggia growled, "I was gonna do all that shit anyway!  What I
want is a fucking cheeseburger!"  Picard smacked himself in the head and
stood back up.  "Wait, here's the end of the speech!  I forgot!", he
said, "You may kill our children but you may not have our
cheeseburgers!"  Robert Loggia turned bright red.  "I demand hamburger
excellence!", he bellowed, "If I don't get it, I will kick your asses!"
Picard blanched.  "Heavens!  Violence?!  We surrender!", he said
quickly.  Robert Loggia then ate all the Federation's burgers, boffed
that counselor chick with the boobs, glued some Klingon armpit hair onto
Picard's dome, blew up the Enterprise, and fuelled his ship all the way
home by burning grease pumped out of Riker's fatass gut!