Subject: Re: [Classic ASVS] SW orders vs. ST Technobabble Date: Wed, 31 Jan 2001 01:24:49 GMT From: Doomriser Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars In article <3a7a4982.7224238@news.erols.com>, ryanwolf@erols.com wrote: > From 5/16/1999: > > --------------------------------------------------- > If ST writers had written ROTJ, then > the exchange on the _Executor's_ > bridge would've been like this: > > > > Crewer: "Sir, we've lost the forward metaphasic shields, they > hit us with a 1400 gigaton burst of jacketed energy!" > > Piett: "Remodulate the shields to frequency 112.2.2.2.! And > activicate fire sequence Piett One! And shut down the holodecks > as well!" > > > > Aide: Too Late, sir! > > Piett: manages to say it all before the A-Wing hits > > > breach > > > -------------------------------------------------- > The Official John Birch Society liason to ASVS > "Keeping America safe from Fluoridation!" > Hey, these are funny ideas. If famous movies were written by ST authors Full Metal Jacket Scene: Bathroom on last day before recruit graduation Craxed private is sitting on toilet with M14. Private Joker: "This is not standard procedure! Military regulations state that all recruits must be in bunks by 23:00 hours!" Crazed private: "Heheheheh" Private Joker: "This is unacceptable. Put down that rifle immidiatey or accidental discharge may result! Craxed Private: "Seven-point-six-two times fifty-one North Atlantic Treaty Organization full metal jacketed antipersonnel round! Muzzle velocity three-thousand feet per second. Maximum effective range: two kilometers." Sergeant enters Sergeant: "WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, PRIVATE?!" Private Joker pulls out a tricorder, "I'm scanning his cerebral cortex, Sir. It appears there is a chemical imbalance in his medula oblangata." Crazed private fires, hitting Sergeant Private Joker [taps communicator: "Sickbay, two to beam up! Security, get a team down here!" -- Das Boot Scene: Inside U-Boat Captain: "She's out there...somewhere. [pauses, thinks for a moment while sipping coffee] Commence active scanning." Multiple sonar pings Sonar Officer: "Captain, I'm picking up an enemy Destroyer Escort." Captain: "Range?" Sonar Officer: "2.574 kilometers...no...2.563 kilometers...(faces camera with a frightened look) and closing" Captain: "On screen" Screen shows the angular hull of a DE bearing down on them. The picture is bracketed by rangefinders. Captain: "Hail them." Communications Officer: "Aye sir...Captain, they appear to be speaking English." Captain: "Apply subitles." DE Captain: "Enemy Submarine - surface now and prepare to be boarded" Captain [turning away from screen] "Science Officer, what is the arnament of an English Destroyer Escort?" Science Officer: "A Town Class Destroyer carries 4 4.1 inch guns, two 21 inch torpedo launchers, and a depth charge projecter guided by ASDIC sensors, sir." Weapons Officer: "We won't be able to stand up to much of that punishment, Sir." Captain [turning back to screen] "We'll never surrender. This convoy of medical supplies has to be protected!" DE Captain: "Then you will die. A HA HA HA [crewmen in bridge begin laughing also]" First Officer: "Initiate Riker Maneouver 2.1 Alpha!" Exterior shot of submarine beginning a steep dive Sonar Officer: "Depth charge coming!" Everybody braces for impact, there is an explosion. The whole ship shakes and everybody falls onto the floor. Consoles Explode. Captain: "Damage Report!" Engineer [on speaker] "Hull leaks on decks 18 through 24. Captain, she can't take much more of this!" Sonar Officer: "Incoming!" Another explosion, more shaking and console explosions. The room begins to fill with smoke. Engineer: "We're sinking! Depth going 200 feet...210 feet...220 feet." Captain: "We're going where no man has gone before." Everybody excitedly looks outside from portholes, fascinates by the glowing vegetation, etc.... There is an astonished silence. Meanwhile, system consoles are winking out one by one. The intercom pings. It is the engineer. "Sir, we're losing hull integrity by the minute. Unless we surface, we could be destroyed!" Captain: "I need options." Engineer: "I believe that if we remodulate a sonar pulse to a frequency of 453 kilohertz, we can exploit a weakness in the enemy Destroyer escort's hull!." Captain: "Make it so." The submarine sends out a visible sonar ping, which is followed by the camera right into the Destroyer's hull. It begins cracking. Suddenly, there is a massive explosion as all of its torpedoes cook off and it disintegrates spectacularly. First Officer: "We got 'im!" Captain: "Well done, Chief Engineer. Now let's go save that convoy." The damaged submarine, trailing oil and bits of shrapnel swims off towards the medical convoy. Credits roll. In article <957pgq$745$1@nnrp1.deja.com>, Doomriser wrote: Just thought of another one. Scene: Luke and Vader hanging off the bottom of DS9 in spacesuits Vader: "Luke, join me. Together, with the Emperor and the established dictatorial system, we can rule the inhabited portions of the galaxy!" Luke: "No. I'll never join you! You killed my father with a phaser set to level 16!" Vader: "Obi-Wan has not been completely forthcoming with the truth, prefering to modify or twist portions of it to his own use. I...am your biological parent." Luke: "Nooo! NOOOO! NOOOOOOO!" Vader: "Check your tricorder. You know it to be true." Luke pulls out tricorder which begins to flash wildily. Vader: "The DNA readings match. [extends arm] Join me, son, and we shall rule the galaxy together." Luke pushes his communicator badge and beams away. -- Doomriser