Subject: (OT humor) Report to Imperial Intelligence. Subject: 
Catastrophism.
Date: 26 Mar 2002 17:16:51 -0800
From: dolson3@cox-internet.com (Carcharodon)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars




As a high-level operative of COMPNOR, it is my duty to undertake
clandestine missions to gather crucial information on the enemies of
His Imperial Majesty.  I have been specifically charged with
infiltrating a small but growing element in the society of an inferior
planet whose members call themselves Creationists.  His Majesty senses
a great disturbance in the Force coming from these people.  My duty is
to investigate this fringe group with the objective of ascertaining
the specific nature of the disturbance in question.

My initial findings suggest that it is produced by a singularly
irrational belief, which Creationists call Catastrophism.  The sheer
illogic of this notion is so encompassing that it perturbs the peace
and order of Life itself and threatens to consume the whole of
existence in the entropy it generates.

As of the date of this report, I have lived among the Creationist
element for approximately one year.  I have gained the trust of its
members and have managed to successfully integrate myself into its
society.  My conversations with Creationists have yielded the
following intelligence regarding Catastrophism.

Catastrophism, as originally postulated by Creationist scientists,
contains the following elements:

1. Circa 3000 standard years ago, the Creationist planet was
completely covered in water such that at the highest elevations, no
more than four feet of land were exposed.  A precipitation event
unlike any in the history of any planet in our galaxy was responsible
for this.

2. No large mountain ranges existed at the time.  The Appalachians
range represented the highest elevation on the Creationist planet.

3. All of this water suddenly rushed into the center of the planet,
and now exists in a "supercompressed layer" (sic) under the crust at a
far higher density and at a much smaller volume than it originally
occupied while on the surface.

4. When this event happened (it took no more an 24 standard hours),
the force involved caused the continents to suddenly split apart and
acquire their present configuration.  They had been united as a single
landmass up until this time.  The formation of mountain ranges also
coincided with this continental shift.

5. To facilitate the aforementioned precipitation event, the
atmosphere of the Creationist planet was orders of magnitude more
dense than it is currently.  As evidence, Creationists cite the large
size of prehistoric flying insects and pterodactyls on their planet as
compared to the dragonflies and birds that currently exist on it.  All
these organisms fell from the sky to their deaths and covered the
ground with their carcasses when the atmosphere underwent sudden
depressurization.  The air must have gone the way of the water.

6. One of the most difficult observations for Creationists to
rationalize is the existence of what is known as the Grand Canyon of
the American West.  They claim it to be the result of a volcanic
eruption.  As evidence for this conclusion, Creationists cite the
alleged production of a similar geologic fissure 1/ 10 the size of
this one by a volcanic event equivalent in magnitude to a 24 megaton
fusion explosion.  Said event occurred 22 standard years ago on the
same continent.

Clearly, Catastrophism is a disturbing and destabilizing idea that is
creating an imbalance in the Force.  I recommend that the Death Star
be dispatched immediately to deal with the source of the imbalance.